What’s all the fuss about regarding domestic violence in the United States anyway? After all, in this day and age, people in some countries beat their wives on a regular basis and it’s quite accepted by their general population. So, here in the United States, are we making too much of a fuss regarding domestic violence? No we’re not. On the contrary we should make sure we keep vigilant against it no matter what some other backward countries may be doing or accepting.
In numerous cases men are still using women in America as pieces of property with limited rights. There are many who do not “let" their wives or girlfriends shop by themselves or severely limit the time they are “allowed" to be out and about by themselves. They use scores of ways such as name-calling, humiliation and criticizing to break them down psychologically in an effort to control them. “You’re stupid" or “you can’t make it without me" are common lines droned in to many women regularly, to control them. They keep them from relatives, friends and in many cases even from work. And of course, there are the ones who take their control even further by physically assaulting.
Socio-economic boundaries really have little to do with it. I knew an attractive, well-to-do woman in her early thirties whom at times moved in high society circles and actually dated a famous Prince before settling down with a “regular guy". Well, this “regular" guy beat her so severely one night that she told me if police had not intervened when they did, she would have been killed. It was that close for her. Her face looked as though she had gone 12 rounds with the heavyweight champion of the world.
Laws protecting women in the U.S. have drastically improved in the last ten years or so, however, domestic abuse is still a major problem across the country. All you have to do is to listen to local or national news to hear of another woman killed by her “crazed" boyfriend or husband or hear of another domestic violence arrest being made. And take it from me, a former police officer who still has close ties to law enforcement--it still happens all the time, much more often than the average person thinks.
So what must women do to restrict domestic violence? There are several keys to understand, believe and follow:
· T here is nothing you can do or say that merits someone hitting or beating you up. Nothing! They can divorce you, leave you, or call the police on you. They do not, however, have the right to strike you. You are not a child who needs to be disciplined. You are an adult and no one has the right to physically harm you short of for self-defense reasons. That is the first thing to know, believe and remember. It is the truth.
· You must not accept one bit of physical abuse from your partner.
· If assaulted, get out or call the police. If you get out, stay away until your partner is actually getting psychological help. Domestic abusers are apt to re-offend without counseling.
· If you are regularly being humiliated, criticized and over-controlled, seek help.
· Unquestionably, contact and utilize the help available from the many organizations out there for women in need. Look in your local phone book or call information and ask for organizations that help domestic violence victims in your area, or utilize the National organizations listed below:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network: 1.800.656.HOPE (4673)
There are two bottom lines here. The first being domestic abuse is alive and well in the United States. The second one is that no one; man, woman or child deserves to live in abuse. All people, no matter who they are, have to believe they do not deserve an abusive lifestyle. Some victims may not believe this to be true, however, it unquestionably is, and with proper help they too can understand its truth.
If you happen to be a victim, remember you’re part of a large group, you’re not alone. Be one of those who take action. Action towards getting help—do it now.
» left by Judi Lake(2,860) Judi Lake (1 year 108 days ago.)
Steve, I must admit that violence of any measure frightens me but the ratio on domestic violence is getting higher and higher. It seems that in these days, people choose to kill their partners then to separate or divorce. Thank you for this very informative and important article. Respond to this comment
» left by Steve Kovacs(45) Steve Kovacs (1 year 108 days ago.)
You bring up an insightful point--there do seem to be more cases of partners killing rather than just assaulting---throughout the US. I'll keep my attention on that aspect of domestic related violence. Thanks for bringing it up and also thanks for the kind words.
Steve Respond to this comment
» left by Robert Melaccio, Sr.(6,326) Robert Melaccio, Sr. (1 year 107 days ago.)
Good article, too bad we tend to overlook that females are definitely becoming more agressive and yet they still retain the favor of the law. I am against any violence by anyone but I do believe we need to treat all equally and not because of gender. Men should never strike a woman. yet there are some woman these days that can inflect sever damage mental and physical as well. Also, many a female uses the children as a tool to hang over the mans head. A sad fact of life, just like joint property. Who suffers, the children! They both made them they both pay equally. You initiate you got the problem. Good article. Respond to this comment
» left by Steve Kovacs(45) Steve Kovacs (1 year 107 days ago.)
Thanks for your comments. I totally agree with how children suffer in the turmoil of domestic disputes. It's a total shame that innocents get caught in the middle. Respond to this comment
» left by Creative Blogger(7,262) Creative Blogger (1 year 107 days ago.)
I would have appreciated the article more had it not been for the two references to 'backward countries' where men 'regularly beat their wives' etc.
This is not a country problem, it is a male problem. (women too in some cases as the commentor noted)
Not all men are like this, not all women are, and that is reflected across the world. Those backward countries you speak of, also have moderation and I doubt very much that violence is any higher in those countries than in any other. Or rather, it is no lower in Western countries than any other.
Most women who die in the USA and UK (and anywhere else) do so as a result of violence at the hands of their own husbands and boyfriends.
Men are not different based on where they are born. They are not genetically different. Their DNA is entirely the same. If you believe 'they' are different due to where they were born then you confess that you too would be like them had you happened to be born in one of those 'backward' countries. If that is the case then can you blame them for being born where they were born, when they had no say in it?
Moral values do alter over time and men are subject to what is 'permissable' so there will be cultural differences. Meanwhile while you look down on the values of those 'backward countries' I imagine they look down on yours the same way. The way the women dress..like hookers, the sex industry, porn on daytime tv? Makes you think doesn't it? Respond to this comment
» left by Susan Thom(8,730) Susan Thom (1 year 107 days ago.)
hi steve,
this was a good article, and everything you said is true. i 've had experiences in almost all you mentioned, and i can tell you, domestic violence does no good for anyone, not even the offender. there are finally some type of education in the schools on these matters, but there weren't when these kids parents were young, so it's a hard battle to fight. thanks for a very serious matter brought to the internet.
best regards,
sue thom Respond to this comment
» left by Steve Kovacs(45) Steve Kovacs (1 year 107 days ago.)
I think education, on different levels, is the key to positive changes. You bringing up that finally there is education in the schools about these matters is an excellent point. It is also a hopeful point. Thanks for bringing it up! Respond to this comment
» left by Creative Blogger(7,262) Creative Blogger (1 year 107 days ago.)
Hi Steve, I went on a bit of a rant earlier, my apologies. I have since exorcised those feelings in my article on 'Cultural Differences'.
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