Some men are unfaithful because they crave intimacy and cannot find it. Others simply lack self-control, ethics and good sense. Ironically, many men tend to use sex as a getaway route from their problems. Unless men can learn to communicate their needs verbally, instead of sexually, the charge of infidelity, which causes about 20 per cent of marriage breakdowns, seems likely to continue according to recent findings from morphogenesis.com. We can take the example of some celebrity males who have been unfaithful to their partners such as Hugh Grant with Liz Hurley, Eric Benet with Halle Berry and Tommy Lee with Heather Locklear. From an early age men are taught to be disconnected from their internal feelings. Women are also socialized to expect men to be strong and in control.
According to the Australian Institute of Family Studies survey of 650 divorced men and women — Towards Understanding the Reasons for Divorce, — 20 per cent said infidelity was the main cause for their marriage breakdowns but it came third on the list of reasons given for divorce, after communication problems and incompatibility. At the same time, men very rarely find the comfort they are seeking through affairs. Those who try counseling say that extramarital sex only compounds their feelings of guilt, isolation and despair, which often lead to depression. Those starved of intimacy at home occasionally develop sex addictions, in the same way that bulimics binge harder, with zero relief. The cheater, like the bulimic, is desperately trying to fill an emotional void.
Women are fortunate in that they are able to find satisfying emotional connections through networks of friends as well as a deep, physical and emotional intimacy through their children, predominantly newborns and toddlers. But in our man-as-pillar society, sex is the only way men can achieve emotional closeness. Having more sex can become a desperate search to fill that gap. Selfishness is also another very big indicator of the level of devotion of a man. A selfish person does not care about the feeling of others and that behavior is displayed in the current situation as in and has origins which stems back from early adolescent days, when selfishness is thought be developed during this stage.
When someone is unfaithful, in the moment, that person does not think at all of the consequences or how the partner might feel in the end we can say that it is the commitment and the level of respect for yourself and your partner that determines if there will be less chances of infidelity in a relationship. With openness and caring of the feelings of their partners, one will be able to resist the temptation to flirt with that beautiful girl at work.
Stephany Alexander is the founder of http://www.WomanSavers.com the World's Largest Database Rating Men. She has been quoted on CNN, Fox Nationwide, the New York Times, and more. She has created over 10 women's comedy cartoon ecards, 6 women's online games. She has been guest on hundreds of radio shows. For more information or to interview, please email womansavers@womansavers.com
