Have you ever found that perfect someone, and later, things just fell apart? Ever wonder what happened? If so…then keep reading. I am about to describe the "dance" and how you can change the orchestration the next time you decide to fall in love. See if this sounds familiar.
Two people meet and compare their checklists of desires and turn offs. If you pass the first test, you will then move on to the next followed by the next until at some point you just adore and love everything about them. Indeed, they are almost perfect. As you know, your mate has conducted exactly the same assessment process with you. Having passed their muster, you, too, are then adored and loved. We have all been there. It is a blissful state…no wonder why we all chase it and find it so intoxicating.
But here is how the rest of the dance is played out. Each of you, wanting to please the other, have assumed the roles of being that which the other so desires. If they want you to eat bananas, then you try your hardest to eat bananas.
After some time you relax your efforts to keep up the façade you employed (eating bananas) and fall back into the original you. This happens on both sides. Then one day each of you look at the other and say to yourself, "This isn't the person I fell in love with"…correct assessment; they aren't. There are two ways to view this dance.
First, you, being the best of you, could have opted to continue being this person instead of going back to something less than this…but, obviously, you didn't. Metaphorically, eating bananas is good for you. Should they ask you to haul concrete blocks all day, every day (metaphorically) then this is a different matter. Generally, what the other loves about your extra efforts are good and not bad. So why someone would enjoy the best of themselves and then choose to be less than this is a mystery to me but we have all done this…haven't we?
The second way to see this is to simply analyze the choreography. You both showed up with facades, maintained them a while, and then dropped the disguise to find the two of you "naked" (so to speak) to be observed as you really are. You didn't like the way the other was seeing you so you once again decided to pick up the façade you created and carry the ball a bit further. After a while, the very things you were doing to please the other (in this façade) appeared as a burden, and you wonder why you have to do all these things to please the other and ultimately resent them for demanding such. The resentment turns to anger and voilà…you say goodbye.
How to change the dance
The scenario described can be played out again and again. Ultimately, it becomes quite boring or frustrating. Here is one way to avoid it.
Understand the purpose of relationships. Intimate relationships touch parts of you that everyday life rarely brings into play. You then define who you are in relationship to these more rarely experienced events and circumstances. Try being the absolute best of you. Be the highest idea of who you imagine yourself to be. If you should categorize this as a false façade, then don't. See it as you defining you. This is the most crucial part of the dance. While being the best of you, some amazing results happen with the other person. It is delightful…right? So don't stop! Why? If it is too much effort for you, then love isn't the fuel you are using, and, indeed, it is just a façade.
So you see, a relationship, any relationship, is your opportunity to define you. We have all heard the sayings about someone bringing out the best or worst of people…right? This isn't actually how it works. The relationship brings about circumstances where a rarely used part of you can surface. It is up to you as to which you shows up. They are bringing out nothing. They only tee'd up the event. What you choose will define you. Think of how powerful you are and the immense opportunity this is.
This is just the way things are set up here for you. So use it! Just use it more wisely. When you do, the next time you fall in love, your results will be quite different. Don't be surprised if the best of you walking around Earth attracts a different type of person into your life. Also, don't be surprised if the best of them shows up!
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