Motherhood and the Demise of Western Society.

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Comments on this article:

» left by Leah ^(13,000)
Leah (1 year 320 days ago.)

Marvelous article, being a mother is the hardest job of them all, yet I still find myself having to justify it and it's merits.

I am a full time mom and in this day and age I feel it is a privilage to be able to be so! I do work from home too though doing web content, but were it not for that, I'd find myself justifying my full time mom status all the time.

I do not judge those who choose to work full time though as they have their reasons and mostly financial but also for them it can be for their sanity. Motherhood is more isolated than it was 50yrs ago as families are more fragmented and spread apart and neighbours are not in and out of each others houses like they used to be, so it can be lonely and lacking in stimulation.

I would not change it though for the world, but that is my choice.

» left by Robert Melaccio, Sr. ^(5,516)
Robert Melaccio, Sr. (1 year 320 days ago.)
You are a special breed that places your children above materialism and self interest. In fact when they question you it is indicative of their character that they should even wonder. How sad they wonder. You will see the benefits in the future in your children and as they grow to be adults and they will experience what you are. Be prepared and mark this for the future. They will be different from the world becuase their values will be different. They will be thier mothers children. Quite an honor. Best wishes and thanks for your comments.

» left by Leah ^(13,000)
Leah (1 year 320 days ago.)
Thanks Robert, how long will this privilaged status be allowed though I wonder. Will my daughter be allowed to look after her own children or will the government force her to work outside the home? The push is always there.

Meanwhile some worry that they are not being good role models if not going out to work. But work is just a 'concept' to kids until they work themselves, that is unless of course you demonstrate work in the home.

My kids has observed me hanging curtain poles, decorating as well as building a few things. Hopefully that will make them realise multi-functional is just as applicable to the home bod as to the out to work bod. Also I did have a career before I had my kids. Here I am again, justifying my status. It's sad isn't it.

» left by Robert Melaccio, Sr. ^(5,516)
Robert Melaccio, Sr. (1 year 319 days ago.)
I'm no expert but I always had the work ethic instilled in me by my folks. They always fostered hard work, do what you say you will do, honesty and integrity and when you commit make sure you fulfill it. When I was twelve I got my first job, if you can call it that, sweeping out a factory. If you gte your kids involved and don't ride them with perfection but encouragement they will show you when the time comes. As for average Americans we are all in the world of hurt. Just hanging in from week to week, etc. Thats why I write to try and bring some of it into the fore. Actually, you are probably one of a vanishing breed. Thats why I wrote to the topic to begin with to get all moms to think about their future rather then what they look like or what they would like to have. It all starts with one and grows from there. Speak out and use your wallet and don't be afraid to let these retailers know how you feel. I suspect your kids will do fine. Best Wishes.

» left by Mary Fagan ⁽⁶³⁷⁾
Mary Fagan (1 year 319 days ago.)

Robert - your comments and memories about motherhood and those related to "dinner time" hit home and are so important to me. What ever happened to eating meals together, as a family, at LEAST a few times a week? It is the time to be together, to share as we break the bread (literally and figuratively) with each other. This is sacred time to me and it has become banal, with a TV blaring the background for so many. This is when families can catch up with each other, discuss what's going on in the world, in our lives and share what is important to us. I too am saddened and somewhat disgusted at the TV shows that make fathers look like silly fools, unable to find their way out of a box. When we see this, my husband and I usually point out how stupid it is (before we change the channel) and let our kids know how we feel about it. Thanks for the article.

» left by Robert Melaccio, Sr. ^(5,516)
Robert Melaccio, Sr. (1 year 319 days ago.)
Thank you for reading my article and your commnets. Sadly FOR US ALL we have allowed the cat out of the bag. My wife demands the TV gets turned off, the computer and other electronic gadgets. We live in a differnt time and era where material possessions and searching for the good life have become more important then family and we have allowed it out of love for them. Except for the holidays which we demand family time, dinners are catch as catch can but we are still able to get everyone around the table two or three times a week. In fact we could probably do it every night but they all wrok unGodly hours to survive. In fact people think we are the weird ones? In fact the young man across the street expressed to my daughter how envious he is. You see his mom and dad are too busy and he is alone often. I guess I'd start with an invitation to them all to make time on their schedule. Make sure all is off and you're all at the table together and go from there. I would also let them know how important it is to you at least periodically! But, the real test is if it is as important enough for them to take their time for you? Best wishes and I suspect once done they will like it as well?

» left by Anonymous (1 year 236 days ago.)

While I truly appreciate the author's acknowledgement that caregiving is valuable and challenging work (or "superhard" as he puts it), I question his understanding of just how hard it was, and still is. I don't believe women who wish and/or need to work for pay in some capapacity in addition to mothering are necessarily showing signs of discontent in the role of mother; rather, they are human beings with minds and hearts and God-given abilities and desires just like fathers are, and show signs of growth. Women of 40-50 years ago, like my own mother, were not all "content" in their role. My mother was the epitome of the "things every man wanted in a wife. Fidelity, loyalty, love, commitment, partnership." My father lacked any appreciation for that and instead treated her as a second-class citizen, and took her for granted. My father's "type" was more common 40-50 years ago than the author cares to admit. We do not now live in a perfect world filled with perfect men and women capable of fulfilling those traditionalist roles of mother and father, nor did we "back then" either.
Young families today need validation in doing what works for them in growing and taking care of their families. For each family, that looks a little different, and may include both parents working outside the home in some capacity or other, or may look a bit more like the traditional, idealized picture the author describes. Most likely, the healthiest balance is somewhere in between.
I contend that the "cat" was never really "in the bag" to begin with, as the author suggests in one of his responses to other comments. Otherwise, women would not have wanted to move into the workforce in the first place. It's not about being selfish or materialistic, for mothers who want to work for pay, nor for fathers who work 50-70 hours per week for pay and aren't constantly "there" for the kids.
By the way, I've been at home and grateful to be with my two children since the first one was born 7 years ago, and I fully intend to return to the paid workforce when the time is right for my family. If my husband's workplace, and those workplaces which I will be seeking out, implement truly family-friendly leave and other policies, it will be much easier for us to provide for our family. And my added income will not mean luxury for us, but staying above water and the ability to save for our kids' education.

» left by Robert Melaccio, Sr. ^(5,516)
Robert Melaccio, Sr. (1 year 236 days ago.)
Dear Anonymous: I appreciate your opinion and respect it and feel sorry your mom seems to have unappreciated and you experienced that? That was not the case in my home and while I will say father's didn't do much of the work around the home, they helped when needed. It was understood and it was inherent in the woman of that day and they were, get this proud to be a mom who stayed home and for the most part they weren't slaves to anyone, they held positions of honor! Now to lump us all into that because of age isn't correct either. My wife returned to work much the same as you so we know first hand how hard economically it can be. After all everyone wants to do the best for their family, oh, I'm sorry not everyone. Now you are not the one this was directed at, so perhaps my choice of wrods didn't clarify that? My mom also worked to help the family. I just thought it was about time young people considered just what was, not any more, the foundation of families. It is just that issue that you "need to work" that I talk to. In fact I walk into many a young persons home to see the dirty dishes, the dirty laundry, the house strewn with things and the attitude let him pick up for himself "I'm not his slave". In my opinion it speaks to why many are divorced and marriage is on the decline. Consequently we have chidren inheriting the same value system and attitudes, someone else's children being raised by strangers, foster homes, children who haven't seen their real parents in years, latch key children, children left unsupervised and alone and consequently Ehtical Relativity and "it works for me". Maybe not you but go to any scholl and see for yourself. As a mentor, a child came up to me one day and said, "I have everything but my mom and dad" they are too busy collecting wealth. So I asked is that why you are in trouble so much. He sat for a moment and then said, yes. I love them but their answer is always money or something so they can do their thing. I'm always in the way. How do you know that? I hear their comments we'd really like to but we have no one to watch the kids. He then added, it would be nice just to sit down as a family at dinner or do something together other then throwing material things at me. So I have no problem with work that is necessary for a need, I do have a problem with seeking more then necessary at the expense of the family and neglect. It is not about idelaism, no, if the goal is you and material things then maybe you just want to stop to think that being amother is not just having a child, or even loving them, it is demonstrating in every little way you are there for them and you are the rock the family is built on. Anonymous, I think you do that by what you say. So being a mom is a real key. Best wishes.

» left by Freda from D (1 year 236 days ago.)

Thank you to the author for your prompt response. I'll leave you with a few final thoughts, as I know comments sections aren't really about going back and forth.
Perhaps if your article had been entitled "Parenthood and the Demise of Western Society" it would have been less offensive and more helpful to families of today. Even in families where Mom stays at home "contentedly," Dad - whose presence is equally important and valuable - is often off nurturing his career and neglecting his wife and children's emotional needs. Society's time would be better spent looking for ways to make the workplace tenable to healthy family life - for BOTH genders - rather than longing for alleged "good old days" that did not really exist for most families. Being a Dad is "real key," too. (I acknowledge and am truly happy for the author's positive, "traditional" experience in his family of origin.)
By the way, my view is not entirely based on my own experience in my family of origin. My professional training is in clinical social work, so I've done more than a little reading/research on the issue of motherhood and society. Oh, and of course, my training as a mother counts, as well.
I believe the author is well-intentioned in wanting the best for kids. And no stay-at-home mom should feel guilty or bad in any way for that choice, even if she never works outside the home for pay. Nor should the mother who works outside the home.
Thank you for the opportunity to comment, and best wishes to you as well.

» left by Robert Melaccio, Sr. ^(5,516)
Robert Melaccio, Sr. (1 year 236 days ago.)
I'll take the suggestions. I'll take them as being constructive and move on. After all constructive critisim is what helps us grow. Thank you. Respectfully, RTM

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