One day, a man or woman appears out of nowhere and the two of you have an instant attraction. Almost immediately you start spending lots of time together, talk on phone for hours without realizing how much time has passed and send each other little messages throughout the day. Then one day he/she just stops calling or writing. Your voicemails, emails and text messages never get returned. It’s like the person just vanished off this planet. But this is not the first time this has happened to you.
Some relationships lasted a little longer than others but they all ended with the men or women disappearing into thin air, even when you thought you were getting along. And most of the time you have no idea why they just stopped communicating.
This classic case is what I call the Easy-Come-Easy-Go Bad Relationships Pattern.
What’s really happening with you is that the inner child within is afraid that you may never experience being loved. Because of this deep seated fear, you pine for love, you are constantly falling in love, trying to create the excitement of a new love relationship and flaunting the object of your love to the world when you think you’ve found the one. Just talking to somebody that you may even have nothing in common with can still be fascinated to the point that it feels like love. But each new “love" relationship turns into nothing more than idea of being in love and being loved
The irony here is that what you want more than anything in the world is being in love and being loved, but the people you attract and are attracted to, do not want to experience "love" with you. It's not even that they are necessarily incapable of love or even not ready for it, some of them disappear because they met someone and have fallen in love.
If you reflect back on the long conversations, pull up the emails and really think of the relationship as it really was and not how you’d have wanted it to be, you will see that a lot of the “love and loving" happened only in your head. And when the other person “disappears" you are not necessarily moaning the loss of the “person" but the loss of a dream -- what could have been. After the grieving period, you go out and try to get your dream back.
Part of the reason why it’s hard for you to simply walk away and easier for the men and women is that they are not as much in love with the idea of love. When they sense that there is nothing to hold them down, they drop off your radar which is still trying to zoom on them.
Many of us will go from one hurtful situation or failed relationship to another without giving any thought whatsoever to why or how our relationships keep failing. Even better, we over correct -- try to change the outer circumstances without changing the inside -- and we end up in another relationship that fails for similar, yet opposite extreme reasons.
The hard facts are that you are creating these experiences. You and only you are the only common denominator in all of your relationships. The other person may have his/her own issues from childhood and you can try to learn how to spot men and women who are very forthcoming in the beginning but end up disappearing into thin air by the words they use and their body language but that’s just like trying to cover a sore with a really nice looking piece of cloth so that you can’t see it. Unfortunately this does not heal the sore.
If you want to attract people who bring you happiness and fulfillment (and not pain and heartache), and if you want to maintain a healthy fulfilling relationship you must take each situation you experience with another person as having a message for you. Until you listen to it, it is highly probable that it will be repeated.
So next time the relationship ends the same way, don’t act surprised, hurt and betrayed. You committed yourself to an unsustainable liaison knowing full-well how it will end!
If you suspect that you have a Bad Relationships Pattern, you'll find articles in my Date Doctor website, Articles Section, Category “Bad Relationships and Choosing Right very insightful. You will especially find very helpful my other articles: 1) Why You Always Attract People Who Are Irresponsible; 2) Why You Always Attract Men and Women Who Cheat very; 3) Why You Always Attract People Who Abandon And Betray You Over And Over; 4) Why You Always Attract Very Angry Women!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness e-Book and Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern e-Workbook. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
