You usually have no problem finding men or women. Many of these men and women are a friend of a friend, someone at work or someone you see on a regular basis. The relationship usually starts as friends before you start dating. When you first met the person he/she was in a relationship, just about to get out of one or just ended one.
The two of you clicked so much! For the first time someone was really interested in you, what you have to say, what you like and enjoy doing, what you did during the day, what you’ll do tomorrow etc. And when you meet up he/she always has a smile that’s so warming right through to your heart. This is exactly what you’ve always wanted -- dotting attention and unwavering love.
As the days and months go by, you begin to notice that may be he/she is paying more attention to “when you will be busy/not around" than to when the two of you will spend some quality time together. The “quality times" are becoming more rare and only happen when you demand them, and insist. You become more suspicious of their time away from you and so try to do a little “spying" just to see what he/she is upto when you are not around. Your worst fears are confirmed. Another cheat! Just like all men/women, they always cheat.
This is what I call the Love-In-My-Face Bad Relationships Pattern.
What’s really happening with you is that the inner child within is afraid that if you are not in someone’s face, you’ll not be noticed or you’ll be forgotten. Deep inside you are afraid to trust and can not trust other people to pay attention and love you without you constantly reminding them. You tried before and they let you down. So now you demand for love and attention sometimes in a subtle manner and sometimes more imperatively.
You can be very dominant and aggressive in your “demands" and discharge your aggressiveness with impulsive temper when expressing your opinions. You lose your patience easily and show your dislikes openly. Something he/she really doesn’t appreciate very much.
You also suffer from mild to extreme jealousy and tend to monopolize the attention of the people you get into a relationship with. You get really upset and worried when the person you are with gets too busy somewhere or with something you are not the centre of attention -- or not present.
The irony here is that what you want more than anything else is to be noticed, attended to and loved, but the people you attract and have a relationship with are people who given the opportunity will choose someone else over you and would rather spend time away from you than with you.
This just confirms your beliefs and fears that men or women can’t be trusted. They may or may not feel guilty, and they may or may not have an excuse -- and sometimes even blame you for their actions --but the fact remains they can’t be trusted. It seems that they just can’t help it. So if they will always cheat why would you trust? They proved that they can't be trusted so why trust them?
These are the same beliefs and attitudes you take to your next relationship. These are the beliefs and attitudes that dictate and confirm your behaviour when you are in a relationship. These are the beliefs and attitudes that attract the next cheater.
Many of us will go from one hurtful situation or failed relationship to another without giving any thought whatsoever to why or how our relationships keep failing. Even better, we over correct -- try to change the outer circumstances without changing the inside -- and we end up in another relationship that fails for similar, yet opposite extreme reasons.
The hard facts are that are you creating these experiences. The other person may have his/her own issues from childhood that they are trying to compensate for, or replace, in their own mind or whatever. And you can try to learn how to spot men or women who are likely to cheat by paying attention to the words they use and their body language but that’s just like trying to cover a sore with a really nice looking piece of cloth so that you can’t see it. Unfortunately this does not heal the sore.
If you want to attract people who bring you happiness and fulfillment (and not pain and heartache), and if you want to maintain a healthy fulfilling relationship you must take each situation you experience with another person as having a message for you. Until you listen to it, it is highly probable that it will be repeated.
So next time the relationship ends the same way, don’t act surprised, hurt and betrayed. You committed yourself to an unsustainable liaison knowing full-well how it will end!
If you suspect that you have a Bad Relationships Pattern, you find articles in my Date Doctor website, Articles Section, Category “Bad Relationships and Choosing Right very insightful. You will especially find very helpful my other articles: 1) Why You Always Attract Men Or Women Who Stop Calling; 2) Why You Always Attract People Who Are Irresponsible; 3) Why You Always Attract People Who Abandon And Betray You Over And Over; 4) Why You Always Attract Very Angry Women!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness e-Book and Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern e-Workbook. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
