There are so many things she admires about you and it’s obvious that she’s proud of you but she also finds you so frustrating. Whenever she tries to engage you and draw you out you get that "deer in the headlights" look. She blow ups, explodes, starts screaming and yelling, then calms down and tries to have a nice conversation and all you can do the whole time is nod. Sometimes her yelling and screaming pushes you to the point where you either ignore her or walk away to avoid her.
A few hours later you come back and apologize but even after you’ve said "I'm sorry", and explanations have been made both sides, you can tell she’s still mad at you because she’s kind of distant. But you don't want more yelling and screaming, so you let it slide.
For a few days everything is so great. Then she wants to talk about feelings and emotions, you do the deer in the headlights thing again and hell explodes again. She screams, yells cries, threatens you with ultimatums and all you want to do is go away somewhere and think.
The dramas go and on, until one day she ups and leaves. You still love her very much and you know she loves you but she just can't stand your emotional passivity. And she's not the first and only woman who loved you (and probably still does) but just can't stand to be around you because she thinks you are so cold and uncaring.
This classic case is what I call the Deer-In-The-Headlights Bad Relationships Pattern.
What happens with you is that every time you are forced to deal with anything related to feelings and emotions, the inner child within goes into his room, alone, and gently closes the door behind him. Behind your closed bedroom door, the inner child can scream, curse, cry, bang and throw things around until he is exhausted then he comes back out.
You do not let how you feel be known because you don’t know how to, so you withdraw into yourself. There you stress yourself with, what will they think? Will they understand how I really feel? What if they think I am conceited and shallow? What if I get so carried away and get too emotional, they’ll think I am not man enough. What if they learn something about me that they will later on use against me? What if I told them a childhood secret in strictest confidence and they go blabbing it about and everyone knows? What if things just don't work out?
All these and many more reasons make it seem like it is best to withdrew and keep all of your feelings inside. You can walk away into your "emotional bedroom" and close the door behind you, but you are also closing out the very people you want to know how you feel and feel your love.
The irony is that what you fear most is people's hurt feelings, but the women you attract and get into a relationship with are usually women who have so much emotional hurt and so many emotional problems. Your fear of hurting someone’s feelings, of getting your feelings hurt, of making a mistake or taking a controversial position that involves feelings and emotions only ends up making women really mad at you, feeling hurt and hurting you.
The women (and other people) you meet feel that you are a bit detached, uninviting, rigid and unemotional in spite of your best efforts to give yourself passionately and totally. Your refusing to "talk out" your feelings just convinces women that they have to push you too far before you show any emotions. Sometimes women get mad at you for some unexpected thing and then just keep it up just to get a reaction from you.
And even when the relationship seems to be great, you are constantly worrying about which idea/advice/tactic you should follow, what you should say or how you should act, what is the best way to get back on her good side etc. You stress yourself out believing and thinking the worst of a situation.
Many of us will go from one hurtful situation or failed relationship to another without giving any thought whatsoever to why or how our relationships keep failing. Even better, we over correct -- try to change the outer circumstances without changing the inside -- and we end up in another relationship that fails for similar, yet opposite extreme reasons.
The hard facts are that are you creating these experiences. The other person may have his/her own issues from childhood that they are trying to compensate for, or replace, in their own mind or whatever. You can try to learn how to spot angry women who by paying attention to the words they use and their body language but that’s just like trying to cover a sore with a really nice looking piece of cloth so that you can’t see it. Unfortunately this does not heal the sore.
If you want to attract people who bring you happiness and fulfillment (and not pain and heartache), and if you want to maintain a healthy fulfilling relationship you must take each situation you experience with another person as having a message for you. Until you listen to it, it is highly probable that it will be repeated.
So next time the relationship ends the same way, don’t act surprised, hurt and betrayed. You committed yourself to an unsustainable liaison knowing full-well how it will end!
If you suspect that you have a Bad Relationships Pattern, you'll find articles in my Date Doctor website, Articles Section, Category “Bad Relationships and Choosing Right very insightful. You will especially find very helpful my other articles: 1) Why You Always Attract People Who Are Irresponsible; and 2) Why You Always Attract Men and Women Who Cheat; 3) Why You Always Attract People Who Abandon And Betray You Over And Over; 4) Why You Always Attract Men Or Women Who Stop Calling!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness e-Book and Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern e-Workbook. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.
Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com and http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
