It must be a full moon all over the country because my internet news travels have found enough dumb criminals stories to cover the top of my desk. Lets clean them up.
In Englewood Colorado, a bank robber must really have been out of cash. Having not even a few cents to buy a scratch pad of paper, the robber wrote his stickup note to the teller on the back of one of his own checks and walked out of the bank with $5000. The robber, who had a tough time beating the police back to his house didn't notice that the scratch out of his name on the check wasnt very good and was still legible to anyone who cared to look including police. I assume he used one of those bank pens which we all know arent very good. I suppose this case will create a new meaning to the phrase; bad check.
Still another case of a dumb criminal comes from Memphis Tennessee. There, a realtor at an open house was robbed of $25,000 in jewelry by a thief who decided to leave his My Space profile for the police. The realtor, who with that much jewelry is obviously successful or a Shop MSNBC fanatic, told police she saw the man fill out one of the visitor cards while he waited for other house lookers to leave. The crook, who wrote his real name, address, name of favorite pet and E-mail address on the card was apprehended the next day. You know with criminals like this the CSI teams won't have anything to do.
In Manning South Carolina a dumb criminal used the drive-up services of the local police station to end up behind bars. The woman who was due in court on charges of driving a car with stolen tags and no drivers license was apprehended at the courthouse when police were tipped off she would be pulling up in a stolen car. The woman now being charged with two counts; one of having stolen tags and the other of having in her possession a stolen car will be required to go to criminal school where she will learn the two should stay together in order to streamline the legal process.
In Pittsburgh PA, a 17 year old waiting in line at a McDonald's shot himself in the leg while waiting for his fries. The youth, who had a .25-caliber pistol tucked in his waistband, was fiddling with the weapon when it went off and shot himself in the leg. The youngster was lucky he didn't shoot off what most 17 year olds would be fiddling with while waiting in line. He was carted off to an area hospital and is facing charges of unlawful possession of a gun. It was not reported if he got his happy meal before being transported or not.
Some things even I can't make up and this case out of Stratham N.H. proves that point. A man allegedly arrested for driving under the influence has appealed his conviction based on faulty breathalyzer results. According to New Hampshire state rules, an officer is supposed to observe the suspected drunk driver for a twenty minute period before administering the test. During that time frame, if a person vomits, regurgitates, or belches, the twenty minute time must be restarted. The accused states he burped and was still administered a breathalyzer which showed the police had a bingo. The officer contends the alleged drunk driver only expunged a dry burp which doesnt require they wait past another coffee break to administer the test. In a moment of jurisprudence which will go down in legal history and will no doubt be brought up at every law school lecture for years to come, the court administrator ruled that a dry burp does not constitute a belch and the test results were valid. It was not mentioned what happens in New Hampshire if a very sick drunk driver continues to puke all night resetting the twenty-minute wait requirement until the person barfs themselves sober.
Finally even after caught and incarcerated, it appears criminals dont seem to grow any new brain cells. In Hobbs New Mexico, Lea County jail attendees rioted and tore the place apart before they were stopped by prison guards. The criminals, who tore out toilets and trashed cells, were rioting because the jail had changed cafeteria policy to include only one sausage at the evening meal instead of two. Thirty-three inmates will be charged with vandalism to state property with those doing the most damage protesting the one sausage rule placed in a cell with Bubba where they will be able to worry all day and night about getting only one sausage.
Freelance writer, columnist, author and writing coach, ex-Chicagoan Mike Fak presently resides in Central Illinois. More information about Mike's services are available at his home website www.mikefak.com
Mike currently writes primarily humor columns for searchwarp bi-weekly and is the managing editor of www.lincolndailynews.com
» left by Judi Lake(2,669) Judi Lake (1 year 74 days ago.)
Mike, this is gre-e-eat; I really laughed hard! Due to my business, I am always hooked into news alerts and couldn't believe the stupidity of many of the criminals in my new home of South Carolina. Material for a great comedy! Respond to this comment
» left by Mike Fak(6,887) Mike Fak (1 year 73 days ago.)
Thanks Judi. Real life always has more than enough material doesn't it. Thanks for stopping by. Mike Respond to this comment
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