Internet giant Google has created a new space race for all of us to get enthused about. That is if you get enthused about going to the moon when everyone knows the little green people are on Mars. The company which is built on trying to get internet surfers to land on websites through their content networks and affiliates is now trying to see if someone can figure out how to land on the moon after 40 years of having a vacancy sign lit on the celestial body.
The prize, a serious $20 million for landing on the moon carries a bonus of $5 million if the vehicle lands softly enough to do other things. Such as roam up to 5500 yards or telecast back to Earth pictures of artifacts from the earlier landings including pics of previous lunar landers or of the two guys we left up there by mistake but kept out of the news.
Now at first thought, 25 big ones seems like a lot of money until one realizes there are not any Rocket-Ships-R-Us stores where the necessary missile to get all the way to the moon can be cheaply bought. I suppose one can find a decent sized old ICBM at an army/navy surplus store but I hear they go out just as soon as they come in so that might be a chore. Those old giants also dont fit very well in the back of a pickup truck. There are a few private companies that build big missiles but to date they usually sell their wares to the same types of people who sell bulls eye tee shirts to Americans.
A comment out of the prestigious Carnegie Mellon University reached a new height in understatement when they were quoted as stating that the goal was reachable once a launch vehicle was obtained. That is sort of like saying you can win a horserace once you buy a horse that can run fast.
There have been many comments that it is far easier to land a thing on the moon and just leave it than to land people who you want to bring back safely. Yeh, tell that to the two guys you left up there buddy.
The ramifications of a homemade space race haven't been thought through very well if you ask me. What about people who will now buy trainloads of anhydrous ammonia but instead of being prosecuted as potential terrorists will now be able to use the defense they were in the Google contest? North Korea and Iran can now continue to build missiles and go to United Nations hearings and just keep saying Google, Google, and what will we be able to say in return.
A large group of do-it-yourselfers will probably make the news as they are carted off to court. I can just see all the backyard rocket builders getting fines and prison time for breaking city ordinances that dont allow three-hundred-foot-tall explosive laden rockets within 50 feet of a neighbors garage or house. And what about the guy who will build the rocket in his basement and then realizes it won't fit through the door? Will he just light the thing up hoping for a bank shot off the big oak tree right outside the kitchen? I have to ask about the knucklehead who will cause a catastrophic ground explosion because he didn't pay any mind to the This-Side-Up markings?
I could not confirm the rumors that McDonald's and Wal-Mart were teaming up to try and land their own rocket. I am told they are waiting to see if they can get the ordinance variations approved in order to start building their stores in the Sea of Tranquility. The stores of course will offer high paying construction and then retail positions once up and running. I hope those two guys that got left up there get first crack at the better ones.
Freelance writer, columnist, author and writing coach, ex-Chicagoan Mike Fak presently resides in Central Illinois. More information about Mike's services are available at his home website www.mikefak.com
Mike currently writes primarily humor columns for searchwarp bi-weekly and is the managing editor of www.lincolndailynews.com
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