In case you didn't know it,
there is a character element in love and loving relationships. People who
say they love each other and then cheat on their spouse or lover, or lie to them
on a regular basis, aren't really in love. Oh, many think they are, but
they really are not. People who love each other have character when it
comes to their marriage or relationship.
In our interviews over the past
25+ years with couples that had a successful marriage we are always struck by
their undying trust in each other. They literally trust each other with
their lives, their fortune, and their sacred honor. The words they use to
describe the one they love more often than not include words and expressions
like trust, honesty, loyalty, respects me, admires me, always there for me,
never lets me down, truthful, and never lies to me. Their trust for each
other is about as complete as you can get. And when we ask couples in love
during our interviews to place, in an overall sense, where their relationship is
on a 10-point scale with 10 being "Absolute Trust," without exception, they say
"10!" Isn't that wonderful? Remarkable? These are the couples
that will celebrate their golden anniversaries together!
Trust is not
something all loving relationships start with. For some couples the trust
becomes complete in a few years. For others, it takes awhile. But
one thing is for sure; happy and successful marriages and relationships survive
and thrive on the basis of this trust. Trust is so pervasive in their
relationship that they never give it a second thought. They expect
it. It's always there. It is part of the fabric of their
marriage.
There is one thing you can take to the bank - all people in
love have faced temptations in their relationship. The pretty girl in the
restaurant captures your fancy. The handsome man walking down the street
draws your attention. The flirt at work is tempting at times. And,
we will dare say, sometimes in every relationship you think about slipping in
the sack with some of the beautiful people you meet. But here's where it
stops - these are only fleeting moments of passing fancy. These are the
moments of momentary lust for another human being that are not acted on.
Why? People in love who are happy in their relationships control their
urges because they know that while a moment of sexual fantasy is healthy and
normal, following through and enjoying sexual satisfaction with someone other
than their mate, cheating on their mate, is destructive to the loving and
trusting relationship between them. It's okay to have sexual urges and
fantasies regarding another person, but to act on them ruins all that
trust. It destroys the tie that binds.
Couples who are truly in
love in their relationship know that a few moments of sexual satisfaction can
NEVER replace the loving, trusting, and caring relationship they have developed
with their mate. As someone once said to us, "I have a marriage license
but I didn't give up my looking license!" Admiring others in intimate ways
is normal and healthy. But acting on those urges has ruined a many a
marriage and many a loving relationship.
Those wonderful couples we have
interviewed resist these normal urges and temptations of life because they know
their relationship is so much more important to them. Destroying the trust
between them causes the foundation of their marriage to crumble.
Character in a successful
marriage or relationship does matter, and character is about trust. Being
honest and trustworthy is at the heart of all the best loving relationships we
have studied. It really is a 10 on a 10-point scale. In our
estimation, character is the foundation of true love!
With 25 years of research experience on successful
marriage, love, and their own
40-year marriage, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz know what makes marriage
work. From their hundreds of interviews with happily married couples they've
discovered seven pervasive characteristics present in all successful marriages.
During their distinguished
careers they have received 55+ local, state, and national awards; published 70+
articles and manuscripts; delivered over 900 speeches; traveled throughout the
world; and appeared on radio and television. Dr. Charles Schmitz is Dean and
Professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz is
President of Successful Marriage Reflections, LLC. Visit www.goldenanniversaries.com
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