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Home » Categories » Personal » Self-Improvement » Character in Love and Successful Marriage » Printer Friendly

Character in Love and Successful Marriage

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Submitted Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Dr. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz (68)

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In case you didn't know it, there is a character element in love and loving relationships.  People who say they love each other and then cheat on their spouse or lover, or lie to them on a regular basis, aren't really in love.  Oh, many think they are, but they really are not.  People who love each other have character when it comes to their marriage or relationship.

In our interviews over the past 25+ years with couples that had a successful marriage we are always struck by their undying trust in each other.  They literally trust each other with their lives, their fortune, and their sacred honor.  The words they use to describe the one they love more often than not include words and expressions like trust, honesty, loyalty, respects me, admires me, always there for me, never lets me down, truthful, and never lies to me.  Their trust for each other is about as complete as you can get.  And when we ask couples in love during our interviews to place, in an overall sense, where their relationship is on a 10-point scale with 10 being "Absolute Trust," without exception, they say "10!"  Isn't that wonderful?  Remarkable?  These are the couples that will celebrate their golden anniversaries together!

Trust is not something all loving relationships start with.  For some couples the trust becomes complete in a few years.  For others, it takes awhile.  But one thing is for sure; happy and successful marriages and relationships survive and thrive on the basis of this trust.  Trust is so pervasive in their relationship that they never give it a second thought.  They expect it.  It's always there.  It is part of the fabric of their marriage.

There is one thing you can take to the bank - all people in love have faced temptations in their relationship.  The pretty girl in the restaurant captures your fancy.  The handsome man walking down the street draws your attention.  The flirt at work is tempting at times.  And, we will dare say, sometimes in every relationship you think about slipping in the sack with some of the beautiful people you meet.  But here's where it stops - these are only fleeting moments of passing fancy.  These are the moments of momentary lust for another human being that are not acted on.  Why?  People in love who are happy in their relationships control their urges because they know that while a moment of sexual fantasy is healthy and normal, following through and enjoying sexual satisfaction with someone other than their mate, cheating on their mate, is destructive to the loving and trusting relationship between them.  It's okay to have sexual urges and fantasies regarding another person, but to act on them ruins all that trust.  It destroys the tie that binds.


Couples who are truly in love in their relationship know that a few moments of sexual satisfaction can NEVER replace the loving, trusting, and caring relationship they have developed with their mate.  As someone once said to us, "I have a marriage license but I didn't give up my looking license!"  Admiring others in intimate ways is normal and healthy.  But acting on those urges has ruined a many a marriage and many a loving relationship.

Those wonderful couples we have interviewed resist these normal urges and temptations of life because they know their relationship is so much more important to them.  Destroying the trust between them causes the foundation of their marriage to crumble.

Character in a successful marriage or relationship does matter, and character is about trust.  Being honest and trustworthy is at the heart of all the best loving relationships we have studied.  It really is a 10 on a 10-point scale.  In our estimation, character is the foundation of true love!


With 25 years of research experience on successful marriage, love, and their own 40-year marriage, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz know what makes marriage work. From their hundreds of interviews with happily married couples they've discovered seven pervasive characteristics present in all successful marriages.

During their distinguished careers they have received 55+ local, state, and national awards; published 70+ articles and manuscripts; delivered over 900 speeches; traveled throughout the world; and appeared on radio and television. Dr. Charles Schmitz is Dean and Professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz is President of Successful Marriage Reflections, LLC. Visit www.goldenanniversaries.com



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Comments on this article:


» left by Anonymous (2 years 37 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Fabulous! Right on! Wonderful! You can't have true love if you cheat on your spouse. That is a plain and simple fact. There is no equivocation here. Great article
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» left by Anonymous (2 years 37 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
WHAT A GREAT ARTICLE!
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» left by Anonymous (2 years 37 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
This is a home run!!! If everyone followed this advice we would not have as many divorces in this country.
Respond to this comment

» left by Anonymous (2 years 37 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Puts everything perspective. Finally, simply and common sense language about the important issues trust in a marriage.
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» left by Anonymous (2 years 37 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Great article!
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» left by Anonymous (2 years 36 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
This helped me think through my choices. Very timely and much appreciated. Thanks so much.
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» left by Anonymous (2 years 34 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Wow! This is unbelievabily true!
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» left by Anonymous (2 years 33 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Powerful information to think about! Thanks to the authors.
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» left by Anonymous (2 years 26 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
This made a difference in my thinking at a very difficult time. Many thanks!!!
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» left by Anonymous (2 years 23 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
The autors are so right--successful marriage begins with honesty and trust. Well said!!!
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» left by Anonymous (2 years 21 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
This is an especially imprtant statement about the importance of trust in a relationship.
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» left by Anonymous (2 years 7 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Meaningful Articles!
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» left by Anonymous (1 year 95 days ago.)
Reader Rating: 1 out of 5
 My question to Dr. Liz Schmitz is, have you applied your relationship tips to the workplace? If yes, were you successful in building mutual respect and trust among your coworkers? 

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Article added to SearchWarp.com on 9/26/2007 1:08:29 AM.
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