The affair has come and gone…but the pain remains. Your partner is ready to let bygones be bygones and move on. You try to move on but you cannot. The hurt is intense, the pain insurmountable. You still look at your partner with suspicion, you treat him with contempt. Your relationship is not the same anymore. And your partner senses it. He tries to draw close to you but you instinctively back off. This situation between you both is ruining your marriage. What can you do to save your marriage after the affair?
Life After an Affair
Firstly, recognize what you can change and what you cannot. You cannot change the past. You can only live with it. Change what you can change and live with what you cannot. Often it is living with what you cannot change that is difficult. Here is the second step in order to do that.
The second step is to rebuild the trust between the two of you again. This can only be achieved in time. Both need to work together to rebuild your marriage. Your partner must give you the space and time needed to undergo the healing process. You must learn to love your partner again. Do not expect perfection from him. Do not hold anything against him. Since the affair is over, give your partner the benefit of the doubt that he is back with you completely. Choose to believe the best about your partner.
It is imperative that your partner makes himself open and accountable to you and be sensitive to your needs. You should be frank and honest with him regarding your fears and feelings also. Give each other permission to ask anything of one another. Be patient with one another when one asks questions of the other. Do not become irritable, frustrated or over-sensitive with one another. It is important to realize that there exists a huge rift between the two of you at this moment. It has to do with what to do now.
Your partner may be able to move on easily enough but you may not. This is because your needs are different. One of you needs assurance while the other needs trust. Give to one other what each one needs. Do not allow any more friction to develop. Change your mindset towards each other. You must not think, "He has done it before, he can do it again." On the other hand, your partner must not think, "She is unreasonable and unforgiving, not willing to bury the past and move on." Such mindsets are damaging to your marriage. What then is the thing to do?
The correct thing to do is focus on developing your relationship with each other again. Do not bring up the past. The past is gone. Focus on the present and future. Get to know one another in a fresh new way. Do things you enjoy that you have never done or have not done in a long time. Make a conscious effort to meet each other's emotional needs. I have written a FREE report that will enable you to make a fresh start and improve your marriage. The final step is corrective action. Your erring partner should take appropriate actions such as changing behavior, breaking off all contact with the other woman or becoming a more responsible spouse or parent. Similarly, you must reciprocate in like manner with actions such as acceptance, support and cooperating with your partner in rebuilding the relationship between the two of you.
Conclusion
An affair is not the death knell of your marriage. However, what is done during and after an affair is crucial in saving your marriage. Many couples have survived an affair of one or both partners. So can you. Get a proven and easy-to-learn system of saving your marriage and dealing with affairs in http://www.savemarriagestoday.com. As a minister and counselor helping couples overcome marital problems for more than 20 years, I know this system works. I highly recommend it!
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