Having a child 10 years after having my first two children has been eye opening, in many respects. It has illuminated for me how tired and old a person can feel while doing mundane tasks like filling a snack bag (in the old days it was called a "lunchbox") or watching a child’s cartoon with my son (in the old days this was called "sleeping.") Times are different, schools are different, but I have to believe that children, essentially, remain the same. With the unique vantage point of going through this all over again in essentially two different decades, I offer up my observations on the littler set - elementary school kids.
Elementary school has changed a lot in the last 10 years. The kids are working harder than ever, and the teachers are, too. My son has a great teacher who brings a lot of herself into the third-grade experience, so we are really lucky. However, public schools in general are much more "PC" now - and you will really notice this in just a few short months at Christmas time (a phrase you will no longer hear in the school room, by the way.) Holiday songs are sung, and all faiths are celebrated. Just a few years ago, it was Christmas and Hanukkah, and I miss that, frankly. I miss visiting the classroom to hand out paper plates brimming with green and red-frosted sugar cookies and watching young faces singing Christmas carols while working on coloring a menorah and murmuring quietly to one another as they check each other’s progress. "Holiday" songs seen vague, and sad, to me. With the current curriculum we’re offending no one, and enlightening no one. Children respond to celebrating something, it seems, even if the something is not theirs. This is a great life lesson, too - learning to take part in the happiness of others, even when it is not your thing, is part of becoming a decent person. Children are generally very happy for one another when something special is happening that does not include everyone, and this goes for celebrating Christmas (and it is open to everyone, by the way)! And celebrating all faiths in a few weeks’ time rings hollow, somehow - you wouldn’t rush to celebrate all your children’s birthdays in June, just because one is a June birthday.
Cliques. Topic number two. Cliques have been around since the dawn of time, but they are forming much earlier now; by second and third grade kids are using cliques to ostracize other children, particularly girls, it seems. Girls are by nature busy, social, talkative people, but skew these traits just a little, and add a distinct lack of adult awareness, and chaos is soon brewing for the unlucky little girl who doesn’t have the right jeans, or the right purse or backpack, or is uncomfortable being in a clique at all. Man, she’d better watch it - those girls will start that clique machine and she will be on the outside, and perhaps unable to talk to anyone about it, because she is in second grade!Not high school or middle school - second grade!There has to be zero tolerance for this at the elementary school level, and this starts with the parents. I generally look to my kids first if something goes wrong - I assume they threw the ball through the window, or duct-taped the dog’s ears closed - and a family statement about cliques and ostracizing behavior might be in order, especially if you have girls. Something to the effect of "I’ll be watching, I’ll be listening, I have spies, and you can kiss all forms of human fun good-bye if you are treating a classmate badly." This is best for the offender, as well; that unfeeling treatment of others signals trouble ahead (big fish in a small pond syndrome) and by high school invariably things have flip-flopped, and it is your child who is walking the halls alone. And if you are somehow proud of your child’s popularity, and turn an eye away from cruel behavior - I don’t know what to even say about that. Get help, watch more soap operas, and fill that need for acceptance and drama somewhere else.
And finally - I don’t have perfect kids. They mess up all the time. I knew this going into this game, though, and don’t expect perfection, and I do expect sometimes monumental screw-ups in their lives. But we’ve always tried to give them a good start, and so we’ve celebrated our faith, and disallowed mean behavior when we’ve known about it, and done our best to control the violent, inappropriate images flowing out of all media right towards them. And at the end of the day, that - and a never-ending love for each of them, just as they were created - will just have to do.
Deirdre Reilly is a nationally syndicated humor columnist and author of the humor book Exhausted Rapunzel- Tales of Modern Castle Life. Please visit her website at www.exhaustedrapunzel.com. Also, visit her new blog! http://castletalk.blogspot.com/
» left by Jean Horst(951) Jean Horst (1 year 103 days ago.)
Deirdre! Bravo and Amen! Loved this article. I've got a similar age split with my 3 children and you've pegged the current elementary school environment all the way. We're coming up on our "holiday parties" too. Seems like the only thing we're still allowed is the colors - white, green, red - I guess we're just celebrating Mexico or is that Italy?? Respond to this comment
Thank you so much for the response. I really appreciate it, and I don't believe we are alone - public schools will be unrecognizeable in 10 years. As for the little girl thing - I have a dear friend whose daughter was ostracized last year - because she didn't collect a certain stuffed animal!!! The little girls would only talk to her when the teacher was around, and would punch at her in the halls. This is intolerable in any just society.
I didn't know we had almost the same age split; interesting, huh? Thanks again, Jean - it's good to hear from you :-)
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