I’ve got a question more central to the universe and what we’re all about than any other. Why is it, that we eat our food with relish, like a juicy steak. We love it. But when our bodies process this food like they’re supposed to, and it comes out the under end…we disdain it?
The byproduct.
Disdain means, we don’t like it. I’m talking about feces, poop, or as it’s more commonly called by everyone, sh.‘t.
Who invented this word? I want to know his name.
Sh.‘t is simply food that looks different than it originally did, and smells less pleasant than it did when you ate it. But why do we use this term to insult others? There are many forms of derision.
Sh.‘t head. How can it be in your head, when it comes out the other end? Do you think by calling me this, I should be offended? I know where my poop is. It isn’t in my head. That’s the basic law of gravity. So, why should I be angered by something that isn’t true?
Bullsh.‘t. This is used to disagree or deride something somebody says. You say, “that’s just bullsh.‘t." How can a statement you don’t like possibly be a pile of excrement left by a large male cow? And why pick on bulls? Just on bulls? Everything in the world that is living except trees sh.‘ts.
So, why not say, “that’s raccoon sh.‘t?"
I for one, have never had a bad feeling about processing food and leaving it behind. Because I know I’m not God (God doesn’t crap. The North Koreans used to say over loudspeakers propaganda that their leader, Kim Il Sung, literally didn‘t take a crap. He was God).
Therefore, he must have been full of it (sh.’t).
I have always had respect for my rear end. The other day I got a hemorrhoid. For you young people, that’s something older people sometimes get where your anal passage gets raw and itchy and burns. I read in a medical book, you can make the hemorrhoid go away by shoving an ice cube up there. I did this.
Do you have any idea how cold that is?
Very cold. Extremely cold. After awhile, it went numb. But it worked.
Back to the S word. What about the statement, “the sh.’t hit the fan." This is supposed to be a clever way of saying trouble happened. But think on it. How can this be? You would have to sit on a turning fan for this to happen. If you do this, you’ve got some major problems beyond bowel movements and passing simple excrement…in other words…sh.’t.
I suggest you get therapy…. real soon.
Sometimes, you see young angry looking people driving cars real fast with a sticker on the bumper that reads, “eat sh.’t." These young people are generally upset with the world and what they perceive as their lowly status in it. Okay. But why suggest that I re-eat something I had eaten eight hours before? Isn’t this repetitive? I’m not going to follow their suggestion. No way.
A fascinating and rarely uttered anymore old statement used by country western types said, “does a bear sh.’t in the woods?" This meant, it (whatever) is certain to happen. The premise is, every bear you’ve ever heard of sh.’ts, mostly in the woods. Rarely in downtown. So, it’s a certainty.
And finally, the still often used expression, that “looks like sh.’t." In other words, it (whatever) looks bad.
However, a recent government funded study paid for with your tax dollars found that when that statement was made, only in five percent of cases did the object actually resemble the color of excrement. In other words, sh..’t.
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Everything in the world that is living except trees sh.‘ts. 
He was God). 
If you do this, you’ve got some major problems beyond bowel movements and passing simple excrement…in other words…sh.’t. 
Rarely in downtown. So, it’s a certainty. 
