The title of my article today is really a good question. Have you figured out yours? I have done a lot of soul searching in the past 5 years. Some people might say the quality of my life is not so good anymore. I beg to differ. I have friends, family and my little boy which make me happy! Sure I'm not out partying and going to baseball games like I used to but there is always a silver lining. Not doing those things saves money and what's left of the rest of my health.
Those two little letters (MS) always catch my eye even when they're not related to Multiple Sclerosis. I've had some fun times in the past 16 years but not a lot that I can recall right off the top of my head. I realize that there's always someone worse off than you. I have a friend in town that became blind from diabetes in the past 3 years. He's 63 and not married. He can't go anywhere unless someone picks him up and takes him where he has to go. His 83 year old mother drives 40 miles one way every week to make my friend Jim some sandwiches. She also takes him to his favorite bar so he cans BS with friends. Because of his diabetes Jim can't walk very well, either. In my opinion Jim is worse off than me because of his blindness/diabetes. I can still get in my van and drive somewhere when I have to.
I've always said that I’ll lose any body part but I never want to lose my eyesight. An exacerbation is a worsening of my symptoms. I've had a couple of exacerbations where one of my eyes was so blurry that I couldn't see anything. Luckily, when it’s happened it's only been in one eye so I still could see with the other one but it can be very scary. I also have a tendency to get headaches when my eyes are blurry. The crazy thing about MS is that you don’t know what is going to happen. This uncertainty led me to a decade of anxiety and panic attacks which I’ll talk about in another article and which I still suffer from.
Now for the first time in 16 years I can truly say that I accept my disease. I feel like all the bad stuff has already happened to me and if I can stay at this level I'll be just fine. Life is still GOOD! It sure beats being dead but I've never been dead so I don't know. lol I feel there are no surprises left for me. My eyes have been blurry to the extent of blindness. I can hardly walk so I find myself relying on my scooter and walker more and more each day. When I have a fever I can't walk at all so I try to stay away from sick people. I'm impotent and I have to catheter myself whenever I have to urinate. I've had numb or tingling feelings all over my body at different times. My terrible fatigue has returned like it was in the 90’s. My bowels don’t work correctly. I’m either constipated or I’m running to the toilet because my sphincter muscle in my butt is also affected by nerves. .
The good news is that I still have a good attitude. I think I’m more humble and I think I'm nicer to people. Not that I was ever mean to people but I'm more polite, kind, sympathetic, etc. I’ve always had a burning desire to become wealthy but since I became sicker I now think that differently, too. I just want to earn a nice living. It sounds funny but I feel if a person had to get MS I got the good kind. I'm learning to live life as a disabled man. I've always had a great sense of humor but I always thought it was my beer drinking that made me funny. Now I hardly drink and I realize that I'm still pretty funny!
I think MS can be a very lonely disease. When you have blurry eyes or tingling feelings you're the only one who knows about it unless you tell someone. When you're first diagnosed there are counseling clinics where you can talk to counselors and other people newly diagnosed with the disease. Now after 16 years I really don't want to talk with anyone about my disease except my neurologist. I just want to earn a nice living and live the rest of my life as simply as I can. I'll die in the little town that I now call home. One reason I wrote this article is because many people don't know anything about MS. I don't know how many times I've told somebody that I have MS and they've said, " is that the disease Jerry Lewis is trying to cure"? So many people don't know a thing about it and I'm going to try to explain some of the disease as it pertains to me.
I want to emphasize that MS is not a death sentence. I now know that I’m going to be disabled for a long time. When you think about that it's kind of depressing but a person must go on as best as they can! Unless a person has complications with their MS or has a heart attack or something like that multiple sclerosis won't kill you! It will make your life challenging and difficult at times but it won’t kill you. I consider my MS just a speed bump to what I want to accomplish in my life. It’s taken me 16 years but now I accept my disease and all that goes with it. I live in a great little town where I can ride my scooter everywhere and I can also make a nice living with the internet.
We all have to have dreams. Let me explain something to you so I don't sound too greedy. I don't take vacations, I don't buy fancy sports cars (vans only for me - I have to haul my scooter), I don't wear fancy jewelry or clothes and I wouldn't buy a big mansion if I could. What I would do if I had money is live in comfort knowing that I had a lot of money in the bank. I want to feel secure. MS can make a person feel insecure at times because you don't know what's going to happen to you. I don't know what's going to happen with the Social Security system in the United States. I needed to figure out how to make a good living because I can't go out and get a job because of my MS! I feel I’ve done that now with my internet work and my insurance men. I just want to feel monetarily secure! Looking back on my 16 years with MS the disease has been a great teacher and I’ve learned a lot about myself, the disease and my inner strength.
Jon Wegner is a 49 year old resident of a small town close to Fargo, ND. He's lived there for four years after being lifelong Minnesotan. Jon now rides a three wheel electric scooter to get around. He can be seen scooting all over his little town. Jon's website, ebook, FREE newsletter and articles can be found at www.mymsbookandnewsletter.com Sign up for his monthly newsletter and receive a FREE copy of his e-book, "I'll Run Again In Heaven". It normally sells for $14. Jon is also now giving his articles away for FREE! Jon's best affiliate is at www.jonwegner.com
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