I Love my meat. I truly do. I don't care if its steak, or pork chops or bacon or a rump roast. Meat is one of those things I thank God for every night when I say my prayers. In fact, over the years, I have kept a picture record of some of the best meats I have had the privilege to eat. I have this one photo of a pot roast with mashed potatoes I had in 1968 that you should see. Boy was that a delightful chunk of steer.
This love affair with meat is what made me so concerned when I read that a remarkable 21 million pounds of beef, processed by the Topps Meat Company was being recalled for possible E. coli contamination. I'm not sure how many head of steer that comes out to but it looks like the greatest waste of cattle since Noah told the bovines only two of them could come on board the Ark.
Now, E. coli isn't something to joke about as it can run the gamut of giving someone diarrhea, to making them severely dehydrated and needing medical attention so just a few cases of reported sickness after eating this companys beef can't go without severe challenges to all the meat processed at the plant.
There is an investigation under way as to how the meat might have been contaminated. The rumors that the cattle, from the El Poopo ranch in Southern Texas could possibly be the reason for the tainted meat to old Joe the night watchman who has problems with irregularity perhaps being the source of contamination are being investigated.
The Feds are all over this issue. The only problem is they are planning on helping the possible purveyors of the runs from contaminated beef rather than stopping it up. An addendum, slipped into this year's farm bill will allow small meat packing plants to ship their beef out of state without having federal inspections of their plants. I can only assume some legislator has received a financial contribution from the E. coli lobby to push this as a good idea. Personally, I am going to buy all the Kaopectate stock I can afford as it looks like our country might be heading down a slippery slope. Pun intended
In Fond Du Lac County Wisconsin, there is a manhunt for a surreptitious toilet paper thief who has been pillaging the bathrooms of the areas rest stops. The toilet paper thief has been taking all the rolls of toilet paper out of the bathrooms leaving motorists to have to decide to either go and then live with the consequences or hold themselves until they reach another state. State officials claim the amount of thievery, dollar wise, isn't that great but try telling that to someone who just ate some of the meat that was recalled for E. coli contamination.
Officials have asked visitors to help with finding who this dastardly thief is. Signs to look for are women leaving the restroom with incredibly large breasts or men who appear to have huge lumpy buttocks after using the facilities. Anyone who gives information that will lead to the arrest of these toilet paper snatchers will have the option of having their own arrest record wiped clean or they will be treated to a steak dinner for four. Subject to toilet paper being available of course.
Well it looks like cloned meat and poultry and milk might soon be hitting the stores. The FDA, a few years ago took a taste of a cloned steer, said it tasted just fine and signed off on cloned beef, poultry and milk to come into the human food chain just as soon as enough replicants could be created by Dr. Igor.
The Center for Food Safety recently rang the alarm bell that the FDA needs to stop their allowance of these lab babies from hitting grocery shelves believing there is much more study needed than what has been done to date by our country's food and drug experts.
I am on record as stating I fear eating cloned steaks will cause people to develop cloned fat which will be harder to get rid of since it isn't real, but the CFS thinks things could be far worse than just developing a few clone hardened arteries. Since copied animals often don't make it healthily into this world and some that do have minor flaws such as two heads or a beak sticking out of its ear, they think the entire cloning process should be stopped immediately.
I'm not sure how I feel about eating something over and over again but I can see one positive to cloning. Maybe scientists can replicate that pot roast I mentioned having in 1968. Both I and my clone, who writes most of these articles, would stand in line to buy that chunk of meat.
Freelance writer, columnist, author and writing coach, ex-Chicagoan Mike Fak presently resides in Central Illinois. More information about Mike's services are available at his home website www.mikefak.com
Mike currently writes primarily humor columns for searchwarp bi-weekly and is the managing editor of www.lincolndailynews.com
» left by (1 year 96 days ago.)
I enjoyed Mike's informative article. I note that he is a highly experienced writer.
My only comment regarding style is that his sentances are rather long for the average reader. Respond to this comment
» left by Mike Fak(9,928) Mike Fak (1 year 96 days ago.)
Thank you Edward. I appreciate the feedback and I will work on delivering shorter sentences. Respond to this comment
» left by Gary R. Lake(331) Gary R. Lake (1 year 94 days ago.)
Thanks for the article Mr. Fak. My profession brings me into many grocery stores and cutting rooms for repairs. I find most all of them sanitized regularly and kept visible to their patrons. The larger meat packing houses are the culprits with the prepackaged meat products making John Q Public sick. We can't speak enough of the poor job the FDA does for us. Its true that the lobby's and cash make many inspectors take a blind eye to disgraceful conditions and improper food handling. We've stopped buying prepackaged meats completely and purchase only fresh cut or fresh ground from our local grocer. I never knew about the cloning of animals for consumption. I don't think I like that idea much for my dinner table either. Respond to this comment
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