I sat under a Mountain Oak tree and watched the leaves fall gently
down. And I started to think of the many changes that are occurring
right before my eyes. And it got me to realize the impact of the past
changes on the current ones. This tree has a cycle. The animals around
this tree has a cycle. I'm sure you've heard of the story about the
squirrels gathering nuts for the winter time and one just wanting to
play.
He was starving in the winter because he didn't do his work that needed to prepare himself for tomorrow.
And it got me to thinking about Step Dads. About me. And I began to
think if I could go back in history, who would I like to talk to about
being a Step Dad. And Ben Franklin came to mind. He came to sit beneath
the Mountain Oak and we talked.
His words are true today as they were back in his day. He really hit the nail on the head.
Perhaps you've heard them before and forgotten. Or perhaps you just
don't use them. And to take action is the best medicine when it comes
to dealing with your frustration with your step kids. Yes, I said
"YOUR" frustration. I heard it said once that only you have the power
to allow or to give permission to someone to drive you crazy, to make
you mad. It is YOU who allows it.
And so Ben and I spoke and I asked him what advice would he give to Step Dads today.
And he said:
"Diligence is the mother of good luck." "God helps them that help
themselves." "Dost thou love life, then do not squander time, for
that's the stuff life is made of." "Lost time is never found again."
"One today is worth two tomorrows." "Since thou art not sure of a
minute, throw not away an hour."
I raised my thumbs up to him. Yes, I said, I wasted 4 years with my Step Son, years that I can't get back.
He is a teenager now and wants to spend time with this friends. If I
only had that time back when he was 5 and 6 years old and he wanting to
spend time with me. Oh, how I wish I could get that time back.
Ben continued giving me his wisdom. "He that lives upon hope
will die fasting." "There are no gains, without pains." "Constant
dropping wears away stones." "By diligence and patience the mouse ate
in two the cable." "Little strokes fell great oaks." "Wise men learn by
others' harms, fools scarcely by their own."
As I heard these words, I wiped away a tear. I knew that I had squandered 4 years and I vowed not to let that happen again. And I knew that I wanted to let other Step Dads know about my mistake and how that has impacted our lives.
I repeated Ben's words, "There are not gains, without pains." As I rolled this over in my mind, repeating it, and then aloud I repeated it and looked at Ben. "There are not gains, without pain," I finally said aloud. I always thought that meant physical pain, like when you work out or run and you hurt afterwards. But I know now that it means also to challenge your own thinking, to admit that "YOUR WAY" is the wrong way. And to change, to something different can be just as painful as physical pain.
I told Ben about me learning new ways to approach my Step Son. Ways to really know how he operated in the world. How I met a teacher and together we explored ways to descend the grasp of gravity, to admit
my way was not working and to reach beyond to other ways, to NLP and to
Native American Teachings.
Ben laughed, an almost comical laugh, but one of deep understanding. He repeated, "Wise men learn by others' harms, fools scarcely by their own."
I laughed too, and noticed that when I connected with my Step Son it was through the teachings of others. And energized by my past mistakes.
The old me, taught me how to be the new me. Like the river in Herman
Hesse's "'Siddartha," the river is the same river today as it was
yesterday, just changed a bit but still the same river.
So here I am, wise. I learned from my past me to discover a new me.
I took council with a Native American teacher. I sat and spent weekends
with an NLP expert. I took the teachings from the Persuasion and
Communications skills.
And finally I opened up to one of my greatest teachers...my Step Son. He has taught me more about myself and in the process so much about him that I am able to connect more.
I am honored for the universe to provide such great teachers. I
thank my new teacher, Ben for spending a little time with me beneath
the old Mountain Oak.
He just laughed and smiled and said, "As long as I have known the
world I have observed that wrong is always growing more wrong, till
there is no bearing, and that right, however opposed, comes right at
last."
Yes, I said. "Comes right at last." I met my breaking point
and I finally did connect with my Step Son, but only after I decided to
do something about it and then doing it. And it "Comes right at last."
We said goodbye to each other and I thanked him for sharing his
wisdom. Because it is never too late to learn a better way. You will
just wish you did it sooner.
Living Life,
Emmett, Visionary Step Dad
http://www.stepdads101.com
http://www.stepdadslostsecrets.com
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