Are you seduced into believing that there is nothing you can do
about your step son? Have you just given up because there is nothing
else to try? There may be hope for you if you accept my invitation.
My goal is to help you, assist you, give you a way to connect with
your Step Kid. To do that Let me start off this article with a How to...
How Not to Connect with your Step Kid.
Yep, you read correctly. Lets approach it in this direction in order
to understand how to connect. It may sound awkward but it is quite
simple. It sounds very obvious, but you won't know that you are not
connecting or accept that you are not until we uncover it. There are
some things you don't realize until you experience it.
Here's an exercise. Right eye or left eye dominant. Put your pointer
fingers together and thumb tips together to create a triangle. Close up
the space to make the opening smaller. Hold it up. Now pick out
something in the distance and look through your site hole at it. Now
close your left eye. If the thing you are looking at does not jump out
of the way, the eye that is still opened is the eye you are dominate
with.
Usually right handed people are right dominate. Left handed people left eye dominate. What does this tell you?
On a simple level, right handed people make right handed decision
and left handed people make left handed decisions. Lets get more
specific.
An average right handed person has a dominate side, the right side.
So the right leg is stronger than the left leg. As this person walks,
the left leg will take smaller steps than the right leg, since the left
leg is weaker it will support the body a shorter distance. The dominate
side will take a longer stride.
So as a right dominate person walks as they get tired they will
begin to circle slightly to the right as their left step gets shorter.
That is one way people get lost in the desert. They begin to circle.
And a left dominate person will begin to circle left wise.
For you to not connect with your Step Kiddo, do what you do and just
don't notice what your dominate routines are. Basically, believe that
your patterns are right and their's are wrong. Well understand this,
there are 25 Factors that can either help you connect or get you and
your step son so divided. And it'll disguise itself some of the
following personalities.
There are six types of Step Dads in this category of what not to do.
- The Collector. He loves to collect knowledge. But doesn't
use any of it. Knows a lot about a lot, and doesn't actually use a lot.
I know a Step Dad who loves books. Likes to hear the Ph D's and can
argue a point with anyone. And he still does his same old things and
will never change. Basically because he sees himself as right, heck he
has all the answers, the Ph D guy told him so. And if the book is
against him, well then that book is wrong and he knows why.
- The King. This is the rule maker, the king. The John
Wayne type. Its my way or the highway. I am always right. Why? Because
I said so. He will never listen to his step kid's side of anything.
He'll tell his step kid to "shut up" "stop talking" "your don't know
when to quit." Then send them to their room so he won't have to defend
himself. Because he is right no matter what.
- The Conqueror. This Step Dad is a more intense than the
Highway Man. This dad loves and acknowledges that he is here to Crush
the spirit, to make the step kid toe the line. He often quotes
Machevilli's The Prince, "I would rather be feared than to be
loved." Because he used fear to control. And when the spirit is broken
the child is easier to control.
- The Salesman. This Step Dad is slick with a presentation. He
looks like a great Step Dad from the outside, but he is absent in his
step kids life. He is always conveniently late when his step kid has a
baseball game or acting in a play. This hides the fact that he would
rather be somewhere else. When he is with his step kiddo he sneaks in
the payoffs with movies, and video games. That way they don't have to
talk. He is always ready to take his step kids and the step kid's
friends out someplace. This further hides the fact that after dropping
them off he is free to do his own thing. Basically its a slick sales
job, backed up by a pay off for silence.
- The Prisoner. This is the Step Dad that does just enough to
get by. This step dad does talk to his step kid but with as few words
as possible. Its just enough to keep the peace. He always seems to be
in a different room away from the Step Kiddo but he does this naturally
and it looks like he is there. Basically he's waiting his time out
until he gets paroled. That is until the Step Kiddo moves out of the
house or goes to the ex's house for the week. Then the Step Dad comes
alive. He is more energetic, doing more things and even goes out doors
and plays. Then its back to the same lifeless patterns once the step
kid returns.
- The Magician. This Step Dad is a tricky one. Like the
Prisoner, this Step Dad seems to be in a different room, but is
actually leaving the room if the step kiddo comes in. You can see him
disappear. It is that obvious. He disappears out of the room and
eventually disappears out of the step kids life completely, without too
many people around him noticing. He will come home from work and
straight to the T.V., which allow him to check out. Or he grabs a few
beers and just checks out for the night. Then disappears to bed and
then disappears to work. Only to repeat the same thing the next day.
This Six Pack of Step Dads are just settling. They are biding their
time and playing the role. Not realizing that there is an abundance all
around. An abundance of adventure, of life, of impact. There is so much
to notice. But these Six Step Dads just don't. Basically they just
stop. Like a hiker lost in the wild.
I read one story of an adult hiker who starved to death in the wild.
The profound thing is the place this hiker died had plenty of food and
water all around. In the bark of the trees, in the Pine Needles of the
tree, in the roots of the plants, in the morning dew. A land of plenty
within 10 feet of this person. And they just gave up, because they
didn't know. They just settled for less.
Another story told about a hiker in the desert who died of thirst.
But this hiker had a canteen full of water. Abundance right beside
them. And yet, they didn't know. They got disoriented, stressed and
died. Was it lack of knowledge? Lack of preparation? Lack of
experience? Maybe a combination of all of them.
One of the search and rescue trackers was quoted as saying, "after 3
days I don't look for adults, because they give up too easily. But if a
child is lost, I look until I find them, because the kids know
instinctively how to survive, how to find shelter underneath a pine
tree with the warm pine needles or barrel their way into overgrowth of
brush. They find water. They survive. They keep doing something to
survive."
Are you giving up. Are you one of the Six Pack? There is a way out
and the one simple answer is to learn how not to do it. Then do
something different. Different is getting knowledge from a book or an
audio program from Step Dads that actually live it. And then using it.
Don't just collect the information, use it.
I wasn't seduced into thinking that this is just the way it is when
I had trouble and frustration with dealing with my Step son. I went out
and discovered more. I studied NLP, Communication Skills and Native
American Skills. And through going out and asking more, I discovered the 25 Key Factors that allowed me to understand my Step Son and connect with him and to motivate him. The 25 Factors
gave me a framework to notice the little bits that make up the whole of
life. And in the process taught me about myself. We put the 25 Factors into the audio program Step Dads 101 Beginner's Guide. If you are interested the web address is at the bottom of the page.
Don't be seduced by always being perfect. Of having all the answers.
Don't be seduced in thinking that its your way or the highway. People
have different ways of communication, different patterns of being
motivated. This is where the 25 Factors come into play. This makes life more powerful.
The bottom line is: Don't settle for less in a world of abundance.
Get out and notice. Open your eyes and notice the little things that
your step kiddo does. How do they talk? Do they talk about what they
did at school? Or who they've been with at school? This may sound like
the same thing, but knowing the difference will save many years of
frustration. After I learned this difference, 90 percent of my
frustration went away because I finally understood.
Don't be Seduced in settling for less. This is a world of plenty.
The web allows you to instantly get information and skills that you can
use today. Quench your thirst, fill your hunger. Don't let another day
slip away from you and your step kid.
Living it,
Emmett Pennington, Visionary Step Dad
http://www.stepdads101.com
http://www.stepdadslostsecrets.com
|
