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Heading off in a rented motor home sounded like a gas at first (excuse the pun) when my friend first suggested it and when said she wanted to join me.
"Can you imagine?" She stated breathlessly. "While you're doing your thing at bookstores, I can take the dogs for walks and meet up with you later. We'll have our own little home on wheels. It'll be a blast!"
And, maybe, it was her excitement that swayed me. After we discussed it a bit more, it did sound like fun and, after I viewed one of the rental RVs online and saw the floor plan, I felt a pang of excitement course through me. I rationalized the extra expense of renting an RV (the daily cost of the rental alone, the extra mileage charged, and the gas expense) was well worth lugging animals, animal supplies, food (animal and human), a box of books to read, a few bottles of wine, and our own luggage in and out of hotels for 10 straight days. So, I agreed, a recreational vehicle was the only choice. Anyway, we were going to split all the costs so it seemed frugal too.
The trip was intended so that I might hawk my latest novel to a few bookstores in Oregon who had requested review copies. We were to set off with our first stop in Seattle at the 2007 PNBA Trade Show, then leave for 8 more days with stops along the Oregon coast, traverse through Northern California, with a final stop near Beverly Hills to meet a film producer acquaintance of mine and a Jack Nicholson look-alike (another story, another time). I was to take Robert, my Westie and my friend was going to bring along Little Boy, her black pug. Then...
her calls stopped about two weeks before the intended departure date. I left messages on her phone, sent her emails, called her cell - to no avail. Finally, about a week before I planned to set-off, she called. Her mother was moving her 90-year-old grandmother and needed my girlfriend's help. Completely understandable. I understood, who wouldn't? No big. I'd do the trip alone. Not a problem. However, I decided, instead of taking only Robert, I would take along my sweet cat too, Raspberry Jam - Raz, for short.
The day came to leave and I packed Robert into the car, stuffed the cat into her carrier and too, stowed her away in the car. We were a dither with anticipation and high hopes - travel, the old fashioned way, on the road, cans of food, comfy clothes, and the pets. Then, I remembered one road trip, long ago, one my family had taken when I was around 8. We went to Carlsbad Caverns and we took a dog and a cat - the cat threw up the entire way. Of course, I didn't remember that until we were well underway, loaded onto the ferry, and traversing across the Strait, and toward the mainland. I live on an island and, yes (if you're wondering), it's paradise. Suddenly, however, a new pang coursed through me, one of dread. And, as it would turn out, dread increasingly became the 'mood du jour' throughout the trip.
First of all, let me say this about rental RVs, if you've never driven one, you might spend a couple of days getting the feel before setting off on a long journey by yourself. As the driver, you sit up much higher than a regular vehicle, even a truck. You sway and rock over every bump in the road or gust of wind as though the thing could easily be bounced or blown off the road (or, in my case, off that very steep cliff along Hwy 101). Plus, the thing is twice the size of a normal car and as I watched with horror in the rearview mirror, my capacity was completing filling-up the entire lane. I had zero-tolerance for room.
Additionally, you should thoroughly understand terms that go hand-in-hand with RV travel. And, I believer this may be one of the most important lessons I learned on my travels. You might take notice of these terms. If there was someway I could add a blinking neon light to this article, I'd add it here. Anyway, I've listed these important terms below, terms which should be studied, written out, definitions learned and understood BEFORE you leave the RV rental company's lot. These terms are:
The fuse box (if I have one in my car, we've never met)
The generator (useful if you never have to use it)
The control panel (don't believe it)
Electrical plugs - 120v, 220v (and their converters... ayee!)
The water pump (works for a while then dies)
City Water Connection (which city?)
Potable water (don't confuse this term with the other two types of water)
Gray water (soapy used water won't gross you out if it gets on the knees of your pants)
Black water (gross)
Gravity-fed dumping (watch out, they mean it)
The dump hose (is old and has holes)
The dump-hose elbow (never knew it existed until a kind person explained everything one sad lonely night)
Thick sanitary gloves (things sent straight from Heaven and won't be given to you by the RV Rental Company. When you find some, get a case for your trip)
The personal kit (is a box of flatware, cookware, utensils, one body, hand, and face towel, a bar towel and a dish rag)
Carbon monoxide poisoning (see instruction manual)
Plastic flowers (they grow at all the campsites you'll visit)
And, although a reference to plastic flowers is not found in the instruction manual, you should find the manual post haste and study it completely.
From this article, I hope someone may learn (if only a little) about this quaint method of recreation. However, given the time and page length necessary to detail out all of the many anecdotes I gathered on my journey, I will end by giving you a well-thought-out checklist, one I developed along the way.
The RV Traveler's Checklist
1. Get a KOA Campsite map along the route you intend to travel.
2. Get other campsite maps as well, there are tons out there but it's good to know ahead of time where you'll be alighting for the night.
3. Campsites generally close between 5pm and 7pm in the evening.
4. Campsites generally fill-up with people who have already made reservations before you and therefore will give you the heave-ho if you don't plan ahead.
5. Understand that the RV is a miniature version of a closet, a closet with a toilet, shower, wardrobe, kitchen, couch, table, loft, and car all rolled into one but, that's the good part.
6. Have a flashlight so when you do pull in after hours and you luck out and find a campsite with a spot left, yes, albeit the one by the axe-murderer's home, you'll be able to find the electrical box. Which brings me to checklist item #7:
7. Because of the inherent miniature quality of this form of travel, everything has a secret hiding place and it's up to you to discover where these very necessary things reside even in the dark, things like:
a. the cord and plug for electricity
b. the electrical converter
c. the hose for water
d. the water connection
e. the dump hose
f. the elbow for the dump hose
g. the holding tank for the gray & black water
8. When the potable tank is finally connected to a clean water source, the water pump should be in its "off" position.
9. You cannot leave the motor running all night long for power if for no other reason than possible death by carbon monoxide poisoning.
10. You cannot leave the generator running all night long for power if for no other reason than possible death by carbon monoxide poisoning.
11. See #7 - the converter is attached to the electrical plug thingy which is actually a converter for the larger source of power for say, if, you intended to bring your dryer along with you, however, you'll only need the 120v power but the 220v converter is camouflaging it because it's been attached to the 120v thingy and you're all alone and you've never had to deal with 120 or 220 anything because for the first 40 years of your life you lived in the city and never had to concern yourself with their differences because, for crying out loud, there was ALWAYS a 24-hour electrician available or the emergency plumber and if none of them, then certainly my husband who (quite wisely) declined to come along even after my friend cancelled on me!
Eh-hem, sorry. Let me gather myself. Phew. Sorry.
Well, as intended, I hope you've learned just one little gem about the nuances of traveling by RV and all its glory. You will find no soap (dish or body) in the RV. Take some along.
Oh, and if you're wondering, my next road trip has been postponed until further notice.
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