The following includes a plethora of helpful hints on fishing topics ranging from puncture wounds to insect repellant, from fashion statements to garlic power bait and baldness.
Below are a bunch of great tips that can make your fishing experience more memorable:
1. Are biting flies or mosquitoes a pain? Most anglers can achieve a statistically significant reduction in insect bites by spraying their fishing partners with sugar water as a distraction. As a side benefit, this will also help keep you safe from bears.
2. Instead of using your good knife to clean your fish, announce that you forgot yours and ask to borrow a knife from a fishing companion. This way you won’t have fish guts on your knife tonight when you’re eating your steak.
3. Love fresh-cooked fish but forgot your grill or frying pan? The muffler or manifold on your warmed-up truck works just about as well and as an added benefit, no one expects you to clean up when you’re finished.
4. Since puncture wounds can cause dangerous, life-threatening infections, whenever you’re tying a treble hook onto your line and some cretin walks by and gets tangled up in your line setting the hook in one of your tender body parts, be sure the wound you make in said idiot is not a puncture wound. Or if it is, make sure he gets a tetanus shot. If you are long ways from a doctor, you may have to cut the wound open and let it bleed freely to clean it out. Most garden-variety imbeciles will be contented letting you cut them open like this if you just explain that it’s being done for their own good.
5. For the times when you get to your favorite spot and realize you forgot your hat and sun screen, if you really want to, as a substitute you can apply 1/8 inch of Garlic Powder to your bald head. As an added benefit, this will also control vampires.
6. In areas where fish entrails can’t be tossed carelessly into the stream or lake, try tying them on to the antenna of your truck. Once they’re dry, you will be surprised how many people will comment on them and some will want a set of their own to stimulate interest in their truck or improve radio reception.
I believe that using these suggestions should go a long way toward making your fishing experience, if not more successful at least more interesting.
Ben Goode is author of 25 books published to date and volumnes upon volumes of stinging, hard-hitting, often sarcastic small town newspaper editorials, most of which the editors have seen fit not to publish, and an occasional bathroom stall rebuttal, proving that it really isn't necessary to know very much about a subject in order to write a book about it and hold oneself out as an expert. To enjoy more of Ben's humor go to
http://www.apricotpress.com
