One of the strongest traits of man could very well be the human will and it can be a blessing or a curse, depending entirely on how the strength of that will is channeled. How the will defines a person becomes embedded in their personality at a very young age and how well a person learns to control or direct the energies of that will can be a reflection of the training and guidance learned throughout their childhood and adolescence. Most of us have experienced a clashing of wills when dealing with our own children from a very young age, through their teenage years, and maybe even into their adult lives. We may also have had instances where our wills have collided with the wills of our co-workers or our spouses. When dealing with our strong-willed toddlers and young children, our first priority is probably asserting just who is the adult here and who is the child—who is boss, in other words. Some helpful points in dealing with this type situation:
1. Remember that you are the adult and how you deal with the situation will form the basis of how your child will act in later life. Don’t let yourself become childish in just trying to win the argument—i.e., “can too, can not, can too!"
2. If the child is having a temper tantrum, it is sometimes best not to draw too much attention to their actions at the time. Let them blow off a little steam (as long as it doesn’t get physical) and get it out of their system without undue antagonism to make the situation more stressful for both you and the clashee.
3. If too much attention is placed on the child’s actions, the situation could become a long, drawn out affair that earns the child his/her ultimate goal—attention.
4. When the adult stays calm and cool, it tends to have a calming affect on the child.
5. If a child hits, it isn’t always good therapy to hit back. That may just teach the child that hitting is the answer.
6. A ‘Time Out’ stool works well and gives children time to calm down and forget what they were arguing about in the first place.
7. Keep in mind that this is not just about who wins or loses, but is a training-session-in- process and can have long term effects on how your child will handle these same collisions of will throughout his/her lifetime.
Colliding wills are also prevalent in marriages; when two strong-willed people commit to each other for life, things can sometimes become quite stressful. Quite often marriages are torn apart solely due to a clash of wills when two people can’t agree or at the very least, compromise. Some points to keep in mind when facing a rift in your life vowels:
1. Think hard about the consequences prior to allowing your strong willed-ness to cause, in some cases, irreparable damage to an otherwise healthy relationship.
2. Consider your options: where can you give without feeling you are giving too much?
Consider your priorities: what is more important to you—living a life where you always win, but without the person to which you have made lifetime commitments?
Is it more about ‘saving face’ or saving your marriage?
3. Strong-willed people are most often very intelligent people and should consider using that intelligence to come to an equitable resolution rather than allow themselves to force their will and preferences on their life partner. When two people can’t compromise to a certain extent, it is a no-win situation where both sides will lose in the end.
4. If being strong willed and finding it hard to give in is the only problem the two of you are up against, think about what life would be without that person and would it be better to live with someone who would allow you to rule over them and run their life as well as your own. This in itself could very well turn into the albatross you would eventually wish to lose from around your neck.
5. When all else fails and agreement is nowhere in the foreseeable future, try counseling. Sometimes just talking things over with an unbiased individual will help you see things from another’s point of view. Remember, there are ways for both parties to win without sacrificing either person’s individuality.
Another scenario of ‘when wills collide’ and some helpful how-to’s to resolve a sticky situation are in the workplace. You can find yourself in a melting pot of various personality traits and inevitable clashes. If you happen to be a manager or supervisor, you quite often get caught in the middle of these disagreements. But whether, you are trying to resolve a situation between yourself and another co-worker or between co-workers, the results can have lasting effects on all involved if not handled properly.
Here are some ‘how to’s’ to try:
1. If you are mediating a clash of wills, remember to listen closely to both person’s perspective of the issue. Don’t make rash judgements before you have had time to consider both views. Sometimes it may be best to take some time away from the situation after hearing the complaints to think about what you’ve heard and the pros and cons of each individual’s beliefs.
2. Sometimes it may be best to interview each person individually without the other person present. This may be conducted at a later time, after each person has had their say in a group discussion. Make notes during the interview so that you don’t get your wires crossed when bringing the two back together for further talks.
3. Try to place as much importance on each person’s view point without taking sides.
However, it is just as important to recognize when and if one person has the stronger argument in the situation. This could get a bit tricky as you would need to help the other person realize that the other’s point of view holds more water—so to speak.
Being a good mediator in these situations can take some very extensive training and wider reading on the subject.
4. If the debate is between yourself and another co-worker, you will have to allow yourself to listen closely to what the other person has to say and weigh the pros and cons of that person’s viewpoint. It could very well be that the other person has more information about the issue at hand.
5. Maybe a disagreement isn’t necessary in the first place. When all views are opened for discussion, you may find that a compromise can be met and a combining of efforts could work better or as well as a one-sided plan.
6. Another thing to remember in a wills-face-off in the workplace, is that you are probably both part of a team effort and as such, should try to resolve your differences in like manner. When teams can’t work together, the unit as a whole suffers.
In the over-all scheme of things, having a strong will is not a bad thing and should never be quelled, even in the tiniest of humans. It is who you are and who you will be for the rest of your life. The important thing is how you present your strong side and ‘how to’ control that strength to the benefit of all.
Sandra E. Graham—author, Amos Jakey, and Nicolina; published by American Book Publishing. Visit my website at www.sandragraham-articles-books.com
» left by Venessa Wallis from Franklin AR (1 year 45 days ago.)
How in the world did this lady ever get so smart.........great writer. Respond to this comment
» left by Sandra E. Graham(2,276) Sandra E. Graham (1 year 44 days ago.)
Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I'm not too sure myself---However, I did stay at the Holiday Inn Express last night.
SEG Respond to this comment
» left by Charlotte Hester from Paragould, AR. (1 year 44 days ago.)
Gives you alot to think about..........very interesting.......would like to hear more from this writer! Respond to this comment
» left by Freida from Paragould (1 year 44 days ago.)
I can totally relate to this article. I am in the seperation process of getting my 13 year old to know that she is not the adult. Very wise lady Sandra Graham. Respond to this comment
Thank you, Ms. Freida. That 13 year old you're talking about probably just needs more hugs and kisses and lots of Motherly attention. She is crying out for help. Please listen to those cries--they may not be in the form you expect, but she is reaching out to you. Listen and read between the lines. Spend lots of time with her, she needs to be bonding with YOU at this age. She needs your help--help only a mother's love can give. Take her out--just the two of you--and do it often. Put your arm around her for no reason. Smile often. Try to put a little light in her world.
» left by Larissa from Paragould, AR (1 year 44 days ago.)
This is a very good, and very true article. Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous from Jonesboro, Ar (1 year 44 days ago.)
Good article. Lots of good information and tips to use in the real world. Respond to this comment
» left by Susan Thom(9,073) Susan Thom (1 year 43 days ago.)
hi sandra, you did a really nice job on this article, and i can see it was a lot of work. the information was helpful, and easy to follow. Good for you! best regards, sue thom Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous from Marmaduke, Ar (1 year 42 days ago.)
Very good article, Sandra. Keep up the good work and write us some more.
Love to read your articles. Respond to this comment
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