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When Pamela Roch started entering female menopause, one of her most pressing concerns was how her husband, Chuck, would deal with her "change of life". So they sat down to share their concerns, talking long into the night. It was this conversation that was the genesis of Pamela's popular lecture series, "Menopause for Dummies," in which she helps both women and men deal with the difficulties of menopause.
It turns out, according to Pamela's work with thousands of men and women, that men's and women's fears about menopause are very different. Men worry about how female menopause will affect their partner physically and behaviorally. They wonder if she will experience a drop in libido or have terrible mood swings. Some labor under the mistaken impression that women go "crazy" during menopause.
On the other hand, women worry about how menopause will affect their emotions; they also have concerns about whether the important people in their lives will provide the kind of emotional support they will need during this trying time. In particular, Pamela found, they worried that their husbands would abandon them or refuse to give the kind of support they need. Pamela found that most couples can benefit from a three-pronged approach.
First, couples need some basic information about how menopause works and what it will and will not do to the body and emotions. According to Dr. Susan Franklin, who teaches one segment of Pamela's lectures, everyone overestimates how much menopause will affect them. "We hear many myths about menopause in popular culture," says Franklin. "We assume we'll turn into raging witches with hairy chins and constant hot flashes". The reality, says Franklin, is that most women experience mild and transient effects of menopause.
Second, couples need to receive some form of family therapy in order to assist them in sharing their fears and worries with one another. In Pamela's workshops, small group therapy sessions are offered, led by a board-certified therapist. In these sessions, men and women are encouraged to talk to one another and share their concerns and articulate their needs. Sex therapy is also useful to increase libido - often a problem in female menopause.
Third, according to Pamela, most couples will benefit from some medical treatment to deal with the more nagging or problematic symptoms of menopause. This will differ from woman to woman, but some women can benefit from mild medications to treat hot flashes, unwanted hair growth, and mood swings. Low doses of hormones and/or antidepressants are sometimes a great help for women struggling with menopause, and can be tapered off of later if they are no longer needed.
Francine Cook is a retired ex-nurse who now writes articles on women’s issues. Francine is the chief editor of Menopause-Answers.info, a site where you can get more details on menopause relief and other menopause symptoms. |
