Why do we use the words, “fall in love” or “fall out of
love”? What does it really mean to be “in love” with someone? First of all,
understand that you cannot fall “in love” or fall “out of love”. Love just
becomes what it is when two people spend a lot of time together and get to know
each other.
Marriage thrives on intimacy and closeness with one another
and when that declines or discontinues couples feel they are no longer “in
love” with their spouse, even though they still care for and love their
spouse. So what does that mean? It
means they are confused about what love really is.
Loving the person we married will not always make us feel
good inside, no matter how good the marriage is or how close we are in the
intimacy department. But if we want the feelings of being “in love” brought
back in our marriage then we can re-ignite the passion of intimacy by doing
something about the attitude we have of not being “in love” anymore.
You didn’t “fall out of love” with your spouse, it’s just
that those feelings of excitement are gone and it is up to you to do something
about it.
What I am saying here is stop basing your marriage on
feelings but on principled acts of love instead. If you are looking for a feeling to keep your marriage alive then
make that feeling happen! But don’t sit around brooding over how you are not
“in love” with your spouse anymore and want out of the marriage. Take
responsibility for your marriage and do something about it.
We have to bring passion and excitement back into our
marriage – it is not going to happen without our efforts! We only need to shift
our attitude from needing to feel excitement for our personal happiness to
creating excitement in our marriage for both of our happiness.
The more we keep looking outside the bounds of marriage for
the feelings we are looking for the more tempting outside boundaries will
become to us. The reason is simple, what we perceive in our mind eventually
becomes a reality. If we dwell on how boring or bad our marriage is, we will
create temptation in our mind and act on it. Is that what we really want?
What couples do not understand is they made their marriage
to be what it is today. If their feelings are telling them that happiness is
being with someone else then they are confused about what love in marriage is.
It is not the feeling of dating or the feeling of being with someone else, it
is the principled acts of loving and caring for someone until death do you
part. It is not a feeling at all but actions.
The most important thing to keep in mind if and when you do
get tempted is that feelings don’t last – they are temporary. But love is for a
lifetime – it is real and can be made more complete by your principled actions
of love. Remember, you’re not dating anymore, you’re married, and that means
you have a duty and responsibility to your marriage.
Angie Lewis
has written three books on how to have a happy marriage. She has just finished
her fourth book THE ALCOHOLISM TRAP: Understanding Why You Drink and What You
Can Do To Achieve Total Sobriety.
For more
information about this book and marriage books, please visit:
http://www.heavenministries.com
To see book
previews, please visit: http://stores.lulu.com/angielewis
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