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Here's a challenge that many step parents face. The step kid that just won't listen.
With a typical blended family, I understand that
there will be problems just due to that fact. But you may still get along with you step kids. OR there may just be that one...the teenager is many families.
The teenage Step Kiddo, may be tough to deal with, and added to that is the biological mom doesn't like to
argue and gives in.
What do you do when this step kid has lots of anger issues and the biological mom doesn't stand up and she gives in. Well this causes a challenge for you. because when the step kid comes over
to your house they may be very argumentative with everyone in the house. Even to the extent of arugin with the brothers and sisters, settling the argument by hitting the one their arguing with.
IF this sounds familiar, you will come to a point where you will begin to feel they will seriously hurt someone. And this becomes more real if you have a younger brother or sister present. And the fact that the young ones see this type of behavior and begin to think it is okay to act like that. Now you have more problems to deal with.
You need to stop this now. If you big question is how can you get them to understand that this behavior is wrong? And you are faced with not having a way of enforcing a grounding or any discipline.
I've got a way.
With that said, all parents have to deal with outside influences, friends, T.V., other moms and dads. So don't let that stop you or hinder you from being the authority.
Your Teenager will act differently at your house than at his other house, IF you know how to play the game. If you don't learn to play the game, then the teenager will bring the behavior that works at the other house into your house. Learn the game.
What game?
| The Game of the 25 Essential Factors of Step Kids Behavior. Simply stated, there are patterns a step kiddo runs that will dictate how they respond and behave. |
From the above description, this teenager runs
a pattern of INTENSITY. Simply put, they act and respond with intense behavior. Like
hitting, screaming and arguing. I would bet they eat the same way at the
dinner table. The way they grab their food, the way they chew. And this is the pattern that you will need to play with in order to get your step kid's attention.
This is where it gets tricky. Most parents will think that if they act with INTENSITY, that they will feel mean and look mean.
This is a total fabracation and is way off base. In order to make this
real for them, you have to be INTENSE! You have to use the same patterns
that they use to make things real in order to make it real for them.
From the above description can you just imagine the scene. Billy argues with
his brother over a t.v. channel. You enter and tell Billy, nicely and
smoothly,
"Now Billy, you will have to wait your turn..."
And Billy responds with continuing arguing with his brother and you.
You then repeat yourself, maybe several times,
"Billy, stop. Billy? Billy, stop and wait your turn. Billy, its not your turn. Billy...Billy, its not your turn."
That pattern is FREQUENCY and Billy will not get it. He will not get
it because his patterns is INTENSITY! He will not get Frequency because
that is not his pattern. Get it?
I suggest you put on the INTENSITY mind set and go,
"BILLY! IT! is NOT YOUR turn! BILLY! LISTEN NOW! You CAN WATCH IT! When its your turn LATER!"
And watch Billy listen to you. Or he'll walk away out of the room.
Hey, its a step, you stopped the commotion. And he'll challenge you
again just to see if you really got his pattern.
And when that happens, you use INTENSITY! AGAIN! GET IT!
That's my take on it.
Now you can either do what you're doing and get the same results or...
You can do something differently and get different results. And there is a pattern to it. We cover the other 25 Essential Factors of Step Kid Behaviors in "Step Dads 101 Beginner's Guide. If your interested, the web site is listed at the end of this article.
Get this or get something, just do something differently. Start with playing
with Intensity. This free information will rock your world. And its
free to use. Get it?
| Enjoy your new found sense of control. There is a pattern and once you learn them life with step kids becomes a lot easier. |
Living it,
Emmett Pennington, Visionary Step Dad
http://www.stepdads101.com to get Step Dads Beginner's Guide to the 25 Essential Factors of Step Kids Behaviors
http://www.stepdadsecrets.com for more information and stories of using this.
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