I have learned lessons through experience that I would not, and did not get out of any book I read. And I read a lot. Somehow, telling someone how to do something, and them actually doing it, and going through it, are two separate issues. Some can read and learn, and not make those mistakes, but I have found experience is the best teacher.
When my kids were each about to get their drivers permit, they had driven in a car a million times, and watched me, and saw what actions I did with the blinkers, brakes, and steering wheel. However, that was much different from them actually sitting behind the wheel themselves, and actually having to drive. They were responsible for themselves, and whomever else was in the car. Their judgments had to be right and their reflexes and their co-ordination. What they didn't want, were the eventual tickets and fender benders, and a double roll over. I had talked to them about doing the speed limit, going slower around curves, adjusting their speed to the weather, and they listened to nothing. What they got, was experience that I couldnt get across to them. My mother told me all the same things I talked to my kids about.
Don't smoke, don't drink too much, don't drive under the influence, don't do anything you'll regret later, don't do drugs, and be respectful. As a nurse in charge of the emergency room from eleven at night until seven in the morning, she was witness to many results of all of the things she warned me not to do.
Did I listen? No. Did I get what I wanted? No. I got the experience I needed to understand what she was saying for years, and went through enough pain and heartache to eventually stop. I wish I would have just listened, or absorbed what I read, but I was determined to do things in my own way, and many of those ways were not beneficial to me in any other way but the experience I gained.
That experience cost a great deal of money, time, healthy living, peace of mind, and damage to my psyche. All through wanting things or people, and not getting what I wanted. While going through whatever moment of my life I can choose, I was on a mission to get what I now realize was not always in my best interest. I don't know why I didn't know that while growing up. I remember my mother used to say, "Anything worth having is worth waiting for." She was absolutely right, too bad I didnt know how to do that back then.
Some of us have to go through the fire to know how it feels, others can imagine it and stay away from the flames. I wanted to touch. And I didn't want to get burnt. It doesn't work like that, as I found out, over and over again. Now, I have learned skills to help fortify my patience, without needing to use alcohol as a best friend. It certainly didn't return the favor.
I lost a beautiful white 74 t top corvette by driving after drinking, and spinning it a few times before running off the road and hitting a tree. I told my kids this so they could avoid the feelings and money I had to go through. But they will do whatever they want to do, and hopefully learn and gain experience, as well. One of my kids has been in a few accidents, and knows the feelings I was trying to shield them from having, the primary one being fear. Then, when the situation is assessed, and you know youre not hurt, you know your vehicle is gone, and you dont have money for another one.
So many trails. How will I get to work? Mom will have to drive me. Will she? I wish she didn't have to, but she will, oh, I won't have my freedom. It'll take forever to save up for a car. This will make my insurance go up. All because what we want, which is the feeling of speed and control, is not what we get. Instead, we get experience. It's hard to know at the time how valuable that experience will be for our futures, as in tomorrow and forever after.
I would like to think that none of us wants to go around a sharp curve at a high speed, on a rainy night, roll over twice, destroy our vehicle, and then do it again. Experience is supposed to teach us, but sometimes, were stubborn, or naive, or slow in some areas. I also rolled a Volkswagen while drinking and driving when I was in my early twenties, and didn't learn yet by the untimely demise of my vet. Im stubborn, naive, and slow in some areas.
I am more focused now though, than I ever have been. My thinking is clearer and more precise. So many things factor into that happening, but I see how its mostly a matter of accepting that if I'm not getting what I want, Im getting what I need. And that has to transcend into experience. And with that experience, will come a balance. Not too high, and not too low, no matter what goes on around me.
I'm trying to practice the experiences I've learned over the years, and help myself feel the best I can. I've gotten a lot of things I didn't want, so I should be getting it by now. I will continue doing what I can, not to improve the essence of who I am, I know I'm a good person, but how I react to situations and to others. We have no control over how others are going to act, but we can control how we are going to react. My problem was mostly being a reactor, not an actor. I reacted to whatever situations happened or what other people said or did. I just want to worry about myself from now on. I want to remember the next time something doesn't go as planned, that experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
