From Paris comes an explanation of why Leonardo DaVinci's famous painting of Mona Lisa appears to have no eyelashes or eyebrows. A Parisian engineer spent 3000 hours using special spectrum analysis to uncover what he believes to be the true reason the woman with the smirk has a bald face. The engineer states it appears several cleanings of the 600 year old painting wiped the womans eyebrows and eyelashes off the portrait. In effect he is claiming a wayward janitor with too much Janitor in a Drum probably decided the woman in the painting had a dusty face and accidentally wiped off her facial hair including a rather prominent moustache.
Now my crack historical team, which is a part of the famous Accu-Fak Research Division, has uncovered a more plausible explanation. My experts have proof that just before Mona posed for the painting she stuck her head too far into the oven to see if Leonardo's pizza was done. As someone who has personally done this myself, I will concur with my researchers explanation as to the end result. Our studies also show that the womans name was Lisa and after the oven altercation, Leonardo had called the painting Moaning Lisa but some of the letters also were wiped away over the years by wayward maintenance staff.
In Russia, Two Soviet cosmonauts and the first Malaysian to go into space almost had a deep impact with the planet Earth. The space travelers were on their way home from the Soyuz Space Station when their craft decided to go straight down rather than skim along the horizon. The first word these travelers heard that told them they were in for a plummet was when Russian space control said, "Youcrushski" which translated into English means "whoopsie-daisy". The cosmonauts were subjected to an incredible 8 Gs of gravity as they plummeted downward, meaning a two-hundred-pound space person would have a feeling of 1600 pounds of pressure on their bodies. Now that is a lot of pressure but I can relate to what these spacemen endured. I once had that much pressure on my body back in 1987 after I ate a triple order of cheddar cheese balls. Now the Malaysian, who was the first of his countrymen to go into space and also the first to have his nose pushed flat against his face, will be given a heroes welcome back home. Just as soon as he can get all the barf off himself and out of his spacesuit that is.
In South Bend, Indiana, Police officers were forced to flee a burglary investigation when they were swamped by what else but fleas. It seems a call from a nearby resident that told police a neighborhood vacant house had someone moving around inside caused officers to infestigate the complaint. After police entered they found themselves swarmed by a cloud of killer fleas. The fleas were so infestated in the house that by the time officers ran out they had more fleas on themselves than a Tennessee bloodhound. The officers had so many of the little biters on their persons that they had to shuck their clothing and be deloused before they were allowed back in the station house let alone go home to their wives. The fleas, who are yet to be apprehended, have had bench warrants issued on them for, Fleaing the scene of a crime and cohabitating inside a Police officers jock strap. McGruff the crime dog has stated that his slogan of Take a bite out of crime has been misinterpreted by the tiny villains into, Take a bite out of a crime officer.
Freelance writer, columnist, author and writing coach, ex-Chicagoan Mike Fak presently resides in Central Illinois. More information about Mike's services are available at his home website www.mikefak.com
Mike currently writes primarily humor columns for searchwarp bi-weekly and is the managing editor of www.lincolndailynews.com
» left by Avis Ward(9,854) Avis Ward (1 year 20 days ago.)
Mike, I saved this article for when I could use it to my advantage. You didn't fail me. I got the laughs I needed this morning! Thanks! What a great addition you are to the homepage. WTG Searchwarp!! Respond to this comment
» left by Mike Fak(4,675) Mike Fak (1 year 20 days ago.)
Thank you so much Avis. Your kind words are greatly appreciated. Like I used to say at the bottom of my newspaper columns. I you like what you read, tell others. If you don't, tell me.
You keep up the great work too. Thanks again. Mike Respond to this comment
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