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Go into any bookstore and you'll find thousands of books in the Self Help aisle. There are books, decks of cards, tapes, videos, charms, posters, t-shirts, etc. ad nauseum on positive reinforcement and the power of positive thought. Don't get me wrong: I believe whole-heartedly in personal development and practice many of the principles found in such volumes. I also happen to be a very optimistic person. Always have been. I'm the epitome of "glass half full". So, for all the books read and tapes listened to and meditations practiced, why is it that those annoying little voices still manage to make their way into my head?
It's called conditioning. I recall reading a child psychology book back in college that presented this very disturbing fact: one of the very first words we hear over and over and over again when we're very young is "NO!". Now, granted, more often than not it's because your mother didn't want you to stick your finger in an electrical socket or touch the flame on the stove. She was just trying to keep you safe. But the fact remains that we heard that word so many millions of times by age 5, it's small wonder that it's a predominant THOUGHT. NO, you can't have that. NO, you aren't wearing that. NO, you're too little for that. You get the picture. In trying to keep us safe, our parents told us 'no' much more often than yes. And look where it got us!
So, how do we now 'unlearn' those thoughts? How do we get past the fears that are triggered by seemingly miniscule risks? How do we quiet those monkeys and rewire our brains to truly BELIEVE we are capable of anything we set our minds to?
Here are a couple of things that work beautifully (for this author). Please keep in mind that I'm Italian, quite loud and in no way a 'wallflower'. In fact, when push comes to shove it's more likely that I'll run directly at that fear than I will run away from it. That being said, you can take all this with the proverbial grain of salt, keep what you like and trash the rest.
First off, whenever I hear anything that resembles "no you can't", this is my trigger for "OH YES I CAN!" (I was quite the obstinate child). It fuels me, it inspires the brat in me, in utterly challenges me to my very core. So when that voice in my head (whispering or shouting matters NOT) shows up, my instant reaction to it is "Shut up and watch me!". Never ever tell me I "can't". It's a sure-fire way to get me to defy your challenge. This is quite effective if you happen to have the tenacity of a pit bull. Not so much if you're wont to shrivel up when someone gives you the slightest bit of a nasty look. But then, we're talking about the voice in YOUR head, not someone elses.
Another of my favorites is to say (outloud, of course) "Who said that?". Let's say I hear that voice saying, "Oh, Camille, you're going to blow this one. As sure as the sun rises, you'll mess this up.". Instant response: "Who said that? Who are you and what makes you think I give a HOOT about what you think." Again, pure unadulterated defiance. In other words SHUT UP! I sometimes like to pretend there's some other entity that has taken over my body and is vying for control over my true self. I'm not all that crazy about the idea of being 'taken over' so I gather up my little warrior self and kick that knucklehead outta here. Again, quite effective and even funny. (Good thing there are no hidden cameras in my house. They'd lock me up for sure!)
If you happen to be a bit more tame (read "domesticated") than yours truly, there are some other effective means to accomplish the same thing. One is to really have a look at what that voice is saying. Ask yourself where it's coming from. Is this something that's REAL or something from long ago? Take a moment to review your successes. Really think about all that you've accomplished in your life, from the very small to the bigger stuff. For example, perhaps you've managed to put yourself through school. Or maybe you've given birth to one or more children and actually managed to raise them to be civilized human beings (as opposed to gun-toting lunatics with no regard for human life.) Maybe you helped some elderly person load groceries into their trunk. Or donated food to your local shelter on Thanksgiving. It doesn't really matter what it is. The point is, there MUST be things you've accomplished in your lifetime that have proven your abilities and made you feel good about yourself. Bring those things to the foreground of your mind and use them as reminders that you CAN do or be or have whatever it is the monkeys are telling you that you can't.
As a last ditch effort, if none of the above is appealing to you, you can just sit yourself down and let the voice chatter on to it's end. In other words, ask yourself, "what's the very worst that could happen here?" Because sometimes, it's traveling that road all the way to the end that will show you just how ridiculous your doubt or fear (or whatever) really is. You CAN anything you want. All you really have to do is believe it. And then, you'll quiet those pesky monkeys once and for all!
Camille Olivia Strate is an author, empowerment coach and critter keeper in search of the perfect pasture. Among her many passions is assisting people in returning to their 'true selves' by way of empowerment coaching. She believes strongly in 'paying it forward' and lives by 'do what you love and the money will follow'. Her latest book, "Whispers" is now available in eBook format. Hardcopy to follow soon! Visit her personal site at http://www.joyzachoice.com |
