This article is medical in nature, with information you absolutely must have if you are going to live a healthy, meaningful, friend-filled life. No, it’s not about mammograms, dental check-ups, or global warming (I don’t care whether you write a gardening column or a financial column, somewhere in your body of work you have to decry global warming or the government will eventually deport you). No, this medical minute is about a mental condition which is increasingly common among people whose names I can’t remember: Wishinewyanamia. (Pronunciation: Wish-I knew-ya-name-i-a.)
In short, Wishinewyanamia is a very common condition suffered by busy executives, pre and post menopausal women and some receptionists, wherein the sufferer has a total brain meltdown – or to use the technical medical term, “brain freeze", and cannot recall the name of the person they are talking to. I myself am a sufferer, and am just waiting for clinical trials to start up soon so I can start taking “investigational medication" for this frustrating condition. (Nothing is more reassuring, mind you, than the words “investigational" and “medication" in the same sentence.)
It goes something like this: you are standing outside a school or on a ball field, talking animatedly with someone you see every week, or even every day. You have shared confidences, disappointments, pet peeves, everything, as the weeks drag on. You have one problem – you cannot remember the person’s name! You leave each run-in with this person muttering, “I have got to remember his name!" You try different names on the person’s face as you drive home: is it Bill, or Frank, or something edgier, like Prince, or even just a symbol instead of a name? (“Peace sign," “H2O", or even “N/A"?) You have no clue. It is absolutely way too late in the game to simply ask them what their name is – you shared the results of your latest physical with them, you both grew misty over remembering the freeze-frame at the end of Brian’s Song! You guys are in it together – bonded! Your Wishinewyanamia is running amok, and you aren’t liking it.
Then, your worst nightmare happens. Up until this fateful day, you have gotten away with a lame, “Hey…dude!" or “How’s it goin’…Daddy-O?" when greeting this person. It is a shame that this person apparently has a brain that is clicking along just fine – their brain at times reminds you of the mental equivalent of a Maytag appliance, while yours is more of an Easy-bake oven – and they use your name every chance they get (are they taunting you? Remember, paranoia is a symptom of Wishinewyanamia). “Deirdre, how’s it going? I was just saying, “Ask Deirdre, she’ll know! That’s what I said, ask Deirdre. Deirdre, Deirdre, Deirdre – ask her!" They smile in a friendly way at you, secure in your burgeoning friendship. All you want to do is shake them and say, “What in the name of all that is good and right is your name?" You just smile. Suddenly, a friend is approaching – someone you know, that your nameless friend does not know. You are going to have to introduce them. Your mind goes into a freakish overdrive, as your heart starts pounding and a little tiny wisp of smoke comes out of each ear – this is how hard you are thinking about this person’s name. You watch the third person approaching in slow motion, arm up in a wave, smile on their lips, eyes riveted on your nameless friend. Your Wishinewyanamia is about to cause you a breakdown. You think of leaving, but you and Nameless were talking about global warming, and if you leave abrubtly, it will seem like you don’t care about the planet! Your only option is to…do nothing. Let it all play out. So, you simply do not introduce the third party, even though the two people on either side of you obviously do not know each other. Finally, your friend with a name holds out her hand and says to your friend without a name, “Hi, I’m So-and-so," and Nameless says, “Hi, I’m Bob." They both turn to look at you, and all you can think is, “Bob? Are you kidding me? How easy is that? I’ve got to do some Sudoku or something, if I can’t remember Bob!" You smile at both of them, and with a hint of surprise in your expression and your voice, say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you knew each other! Bob here is my great friend – Bob is just the best! The old Bobinator." They both smile happily, although Bob squints at you a little – Bob knows. Bob’s no dummy.
So, remember to try this technique the next time your Easy-bake of a brain let’s you down – that, or “investigational medication." I’m going to try Sudoku first – is that what you call it? I can’t remember!
Deirdre Reilly is a nationally syndicated humor columnist and author of the humor book Exhausted Rapunzel- Tales of Modern Castle Life. Please visit her website at www.exhaustedrapunzel.com. Also, visit her new blog! http://castletalk.blogspot.com/
Thanks for reading this one! We must all have Wishinewyanamia. I appreciate the feedback! Respond to this comment
» left by mike fak (1 year 69 days ago.)
Yep Deirdre. I know exactly what you are talking about. I can remember something that happed 50 years ago but can forget my neighbor's name. There is actually a medical name for this occurence but of course I forgot what it is. Great read. Mike Fak Respond to this comment
I'm glad you liked it - fellow sufferer. It's weird how the long-term memory is still good, isn't it? Thanks for the note - nice corresponding with you last week -
Deirdre Respond to this comment
» left by LM Davids (1 year 69 days ago.)
Oh, Deirdre, I suffer from this ailment also. Thanks for bringing this condition out into the open so we see that others are afflicted and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Ha--I've been there too...more times than I can count. Respond to this comment
» left by Deirdre Reilly(454) Deirdre Reilly (1 year 69 days ago.)
Hey, LM!
Thanks for the comment. I think we should be ashamed no more of our bad memories - hold on - what was I just talking about?
» left by Judi Lake(2,386) Judi Lake (1 year 68 days ago.)
Deirdre, this is great and boy can I relate. Being in advertising I had an idea of having a talk show where you can't remember a thing when plugging guests but the problem is that everytime I try to remember it I forget!
Oh, I hope this isn't about age... Respond to this comment
Thanks for commenting - I know, it's age and HORMONES, I think. I had wanted to drop you a note and say I have enjoyed your writing - I agree with your work, and appreciate your graceful nature when someone doesn't agree. Very awesome.
» left by Laura Trahan (1 year 68 days ago.)
Deirdre-Loved it! I always blamed it on pregnancies. At the moment of my child's birth, all of my brain cells flowed out as well :) You are such an awesome writer! Thanks for giving me a laugh today! Respond to this comment
Thanks for the feedback! I guess we all have Wishinewyanamia. I definitely lost cells giving birth three times... it's so embarrassing when you have to introduce people!
Thanks again, and have a great week-end! Respond to this comment
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