Many men are lonely, isolated frustrated and unhappy because they struggle with this debilitating fear of approaching women and being rejected by them. Thousands "give up" and just totally withdraw from the active dating world, literally hide in a cave licking their emotional wounds while life passes them by. They somehow have convinced themselves that if they could be guaranteed that they will not be rejected they would have no fear of approaching women.
This "guarantee" is what most experts sell (never be rejected again, attract beautiful women anywhere and anytime, use this technique to by-pass their resistance etc). Because rejection is generally perceived as being so negative, the experts have a tendency to put this at the forefront of people's minds. This fear plays in people's mind and defeats them even before they get started. The more people think about it, the more afraid they become and the more they buy those "guarantees" -- and keep buying them.
Many of my clients are surprised (and I am sure put off) when I tell them that I don't have any guarantees that women will not reject them. There is always a chance that you will find women (beautiful or otherwise) who'll not be attracted to you because of your age, weight, height, income, where you live or just because you are you. There will even be women who'll reject you for something you've not even thought of or will find completely ridiculous, shallow and immature. It's the reality of the world we live in.
Sometimes what women reject in you is not YOU but rather your "fear of rejection' or your "fear of women" (which is really your handing over your power of choice and determination over to them). Extreme fear of rejection or of women results in fear of even approaching the object of your fear. As long as you fear women (they have all power, they are manipulative and can chew and spit you out and they always get what they want) you have reason to fear their rejection of your powerlessness. You have reason to stop trying and you have reason to give up too easily when it looks like you are going to be rejected.
The irony is that as long as you fear you are separated from women. As long as you are separated you never can experience what it's like to be accepted and loved by a woman. And since you avoid being rejected, you also avoid the love, attention, pleasures and fulfillment that you can only experience from a loving and caring woman. The more you avoid women the more those things become almost impossible to ever experience. Your memory (if you ever had any) of them vanishes more and more until even subconscious memories have gone and disappeared behind the curtain of fear.
To overcome your fear of approaching women, engaging them in conversation and creating a relationship with them, you need to learn to face meeting what you fear. Active practice is the only powerful antidote to the fear of rejection that I know of.
Even I (a Dating Confidence Coach) have some fears of rejection especially in my work. I know that some people will reject me because I am a woman in a field dominated by men, I am an African and most people have very negative and ignorant view of Africans, I am teaching ideas and attitudes that oppose and contradict mainstream ways of dating and relating. etc. I deal with that fear every single day. I tell myself there will be people who will reject ME (rather what I represent in their minds) but there will be people who will not. I can't do anything about those who "reject" me -- their loss. But for ones who see and find something valuable that they resonate with, I take it as my duty and responsibility to make them feel that they were not wrong to trust their hearts and open their minds.
When you face the reality of rejection with realistic expectations, you can clearly see that it is only a mental obstruction that gets in your way of having what you want -- the love, attention and devotion of a good woman. As you start to approach more women, engage them in conversation and create relationships with them, you will discover that women don't have all the power, not all of them are manipulative and they certainly don't always get what they want .
Actively practicing overcoming your fear of rejection requires disciplining yourself to keep an open mind and have realistic expectations (no man can ever attract beautiful women anywhere anytime. We -- men and women -- all have our preferences which is not necessarily a bad thing). But most importantly, active practice requires you to take risks and learn from every experience.
Like I said there are no "guarantees" except the guarantee that the more risks you take on, the more alive you feel, the more alive you feel the more attractive you become because 1) you are not stressed out trying to be someone you are not; 2) you’re just being positive and friendly and not trying so hard to please anyone (woman) and 3) you are exuding sexual self-confidence which comes from knowing that you have the power over your life and are in control of who you let in or out. That's what's so attractive and irresistible to the kind of women who are worthy of your time and attention!!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way.
http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
http://www.playinghardtogettheloveway.com
