Over the years I've tried many times to give up smoking. Along the way I've subjected myself to some of the 'recommended' methods. If you are thinking about giving up, here are some ways not to go about it.
Try to cut down
This is the cowards way out - and you know it. "I'll just have one now, and no more till twelve o clock" you'll say. Then you'll hit a stress situation at ten-thirty and have two cigarettes to calm you down. But they don't count do they?
Use patches
These are just an excuse to flash your body at people. You'll all do it - lifting up your shirt or blouse to show off your "battle bandage". And you'll still need something to do with your hands, so you'll have a cigarette.
Use nicotine gum
You'll need to masticate constantly to get any kind of buzz. Your gums will hurt, your jaw will ache, your mouth will taste like a stale ashtray and you'll look like a cow. You'll be better off having a cigarette.
Use hypnosis
Do you really want to stand on your head every time somebody says "cigarette"?
Use acupuncture
Someone you don't know will stick large needles into your body. In any sane society the practitioner would be jailed for torture.
Try exercise
Within five minutes you'll be red faced, wheezing for breath and coughing up phlegm. Real exercise buffs will look at you with such pity that you'll need a cigarette.
Try isolation
Lock yourself away, talk to no one, avoid all social contact. You'll be so bored you'll need a cigarette.
Try a cigarette substitute
Do this and you'll find that everybody, and I do mean everybody, will ask you stupid questions like "Are you trying to give up smoking then?" This will annoy you so much you'll need to have a cigarette.
Try to avoid situations where you'll want a cigarette.
This is the standard method given out by all the 'experts.' It is also completely useless. Do you really want to give up coffee? Or booze? Or sex? Or watching television? Or waking up in the morning? See what I mean?
Try to be a non-smoker
You'll find yourself telling smokers how great you feel, how smoking is a filthy disgusting habit, and how you'll never let a cigarette touch your lips. These will be lies, and everybody will know it. This lying will cause you so much stress that you'll need a cigarette.
So what are you to do? I'll let you know the only method that really works.
Stop buying cigarettes.
I've been nicotine free for six years now.
I feel great. Smoking is a filthy disgusting habit, and I'll never let another cigarette touch my lips.
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