In my article “Do Women Really Relate Sex To Dancing?" I wrote that whether men are aware of it or not, a majority of women judge a man’s sexual and love potential by the way his body moves alone. And judging by the personal experience responses that I received, it seems that many people agree with me that passionate dance moves also say passionate lover.
But can we also judge a man’s love potential just by the way he kisses?
Some women I have spoken to say, yes. They say that if a man is a "lousy" kisser (either he rushes in full-throttle practically eating away your face, drools so much you have to wipe your mouth after being kissed or is very tightlipped and stingy with his tongue) he will also be lousy in bed. They also say that a woman should not expect the man who does not want to kiss, does not seem to enjoy kissing, does not have the desire to kiss regularly or is centered on his own needs to do “other things" well. A good kisser, they say, makes for a good lover because a good kisser is soft, gentle and patient. He pays attention to the woman’s responses, takes his time to find out what she wants and makes her feel, special, wanted and desired.
But there are other women who say it is fairly shallow to judge a man only by the way he kisses. A bad kisser could have a radiant personality and a brilliant mind. Some men, they say, may be great kissers but are uptight in some areas, bad communicators or are arrogant and just want to show off their skill. These women also say some great kissers are good at it because they have had a lot of practice but are not necessarily good lovers.
From my own personal experience, I can’t honestly say I don't and have never judged a man by the way he kisses alone. If a man is a bad kisser, well, that's probably the last time we will see each other. If his technique is sensuous, rhythmic, creative and purposeful, I will give him a second chance even if he has a speech impediment. But if he's selfish, rude, controlling, immature, talks about himself or only cares about his needs, I don’t care how fantastic he is as a kisser, goodbye!
What makes a man a good love potential is not just his ability to kiss, but his ability to express himself sexually through kissing. There is a lot that a tantalizing kiss can communicate in the all-important area of courtship. And girlfriend, you’ll save yourself all sorts of frustration and heartache just by making yourself aware of the unspoken messages conveyed just by the way a kiss is delivered. And guys, if you can master the art of kissing with inner feeling, you are in a better position to make a “wow" impression than someone who thinks of kissing just as away to get a woman between the sheets.
1. Is he comfortable with intimacy?
An ace kisser puts his whole body and emotion into the kiss. He wants to be close. He tells his affection with plenty of lip-action. Each kiss is a build-up of the feelings and emotions coming from within and exploding into your own inner being. You feel desired, wanted and adored. On the other hand, the man who is uncomfortable with intimacy will find it difficult to do all the other intimate things that may not even be sexual per se such as sitting next to you, holding hands, hugging, and cuddling.
2. Is he sensitive?
Yes, he may be burning with desire for you but he’s got to slowly and carefully work you up to the same speed not wolf down your entire head with his wide open mouth or shove his tongue so far down the back of your throat that you practically gasp for air. And if he is slobbering you, he is not necessarily a bad kisser, and sensitively letting him know might just save the date. If he is a good man, he’ll appreciate your honesty. If he acts up… let the caveman go.
3. Is he attentive?
Can he accurately - well almost - judge where you are and respond in kind? Kissing is a matter of personal taste, what one woman likes isn’t going to always work for another. If a man tells you that you will love his kissing because other women have, chances are he is the one-size-fits-all type. A genuine Casanova will ask for pointers when getting to know you and not assume that because he has kissed other women who liked it, you are going to like it too. You are not just another woman. You are special.
4. Is he a control freak?
Though we women enjoy a man who's in control, we also want to take charge sometimes. You can tell if a man is a control freak or not from his willingness to learn from you; does he sometimes allow himself to sit back, relax and let you come to him or is he always chasing you with his tongue and hands.
5. Is he for real?
Watch and listen for signs of pleasure. A Casanova is a man who's taken the time to be affectionate enjoys the kiss just as much as he enjoys kissing. He is turned on by just being in your personal space and his passion draws you in. But if your man is breaking a sweat from the effort (not from chemistry) he’s just doing it to fulfill what he thinks is an obligation.
6. Is he creative and spontaneous?
Kissing in the same way for prolonged periods of time can get really boring and so does burying his tongue in your mouth and sticking on your lips like a vacuum. A good kisser teases your senses; he varies style and pressure using both the smooth and rough side of the tongue, tickles your neck, whispers in your ear… And kissing isn’t just for the lips only: earlobes, shoulders and all the other parts that feel good to you.
7. Is he clean?
Does he take care of his health and grooming? A man who thinks of your needs will know that bad breath (very strong garlic or beer smell when you’ve had none) can spoil the mood. Beware of those who cover poor hygiene with so much after shave or cologne that you can smell him coming before he arrives. If you can not smell his pheromones, he has on too much after shave or cologne.
8. Is he just another jerk?
Does he kiss like the kiss is an end in itself? Or is he using it as something he does on the way to something else (sex)? If a man is grabbing your ass, bra or front of your pants and trying to find your lips at the same time, trust me on this one, it’s not about the kiss. It's all about him and his needs.
9. But most importantly are you enjoying the kiss?
If you are not enjoying the kiss then something is just not right. And your gut will let you know even if your head is trying to tell you otherwise. A really good kiss should leave you wanting more of him, not leave you with raw lips or a sore face and a desperate need to forget what just happened.
One more thing, even bad kissers are trainable. The best way to help a man open up is simply to be open yourself, be natural, be real and exude an atmosphere of warmth and acceptance. As it so happened when Beauty kissed the Beast, some people are wonderfully transformed when they are kissed. Your Caveman may be one who needs you to kiss him many, many times. Good luck with that.
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way.
http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
http://www.playinghardtogettheloveway.com
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