Can you name your grandparents first and last names on your maternal and paternal side? What else do you know about them? What about your great-grandparents? What about your great-great-grandparents? Recently, I listened to a speaker that posed these questions. Few people in the audience could name or knew their great-grandparents, and hardly anyone knew their great-greats. Based on the audience’s lack of familial knowledge the speaker concluded: “That means that in three generations or less, you, too, will become totally irrelevant." We all laughed, but it really made me think about the importance of family, especially as we near the holidays.
How well do you know your family? How much time do you spend with them? There are only a few holiday traditions truly precious to me and those center around family.
The first tradition I schedule each year is a high tea for the ladies in my family. We don our holiday outfits and spend several lovely hours sipping tea and eating little sandwiches and scones at a tea house or fancy hotel. This year, we are trying a new venue in a tea room at a Christmas tree farm. I look forward to this tradition with great anticipation it kicks off our holidays with an intimate, relaxing social event.
Next, I open my calendar and schedule our annual family cookie party in December. My mom still makes the sugar cookie dough and sometimes my aunt brings gingerbread dough. We have fun cutting out holiday shapes with familiar old cookie cutters and adding the sprinkles and frosting. Laughter fills the kitchen and we are wrapped in the lovely smell of sugar cookies baking in the oven. Each of us leaves with a tin layered with our cookie masterpieces and a feeling of belonging. Each time I eat one of those treats in the coming weeks, I think about the fun we had.
My granny is now 94 years old and these traditions become more precious to me each year. We had to choose a tea room this year that was close to where she lives, since she is only able to go for a few hours at a time these days. She will probably have to take a nap during or after our cookie party. What matters is that she is there and that she is surrounded by our love and that we are together.
There are scores of holiday events, including musicals, theatrical events, open houses, and parties that call for my attention but I try to remember that I won’t have Granny around forever. In reality, none of us know how long we have with our loved ones.
For me, it’s not the events that come with formal invitations that make the holidays special. Going to high tea and cutting out cookies are both activities that make me slow down. They are simple pleasures that are enjoyed over several hours. Memories are made, stories are shared, and our lives are enriched.
We may not be able to do anything about the fact that we don’t know our ancestors or that our successors may not know us. Our impact will most likely be on those in our own generation. What we can do something about, however, is the relationships we have now. We can reach out to family and friends, share our lives, build memories, and cultivate belonging. In so doing, we will create a legacy of love that will outlive our names.
Ordering your life involves making room for the things that really matter. This year, my wish for you is that your holiday plans will include family, simple pleasures, slowing down, and rooms full of laughter.
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