How Do I Forgive My Spouse After Adultery?

Has your spouse committed adultery and now you don’t trust them anymore? Do you feel betrayed and abused by someone you thought loved you? Do you just want to get them back by throwing stones at them every chance you get? Do you find it hard to forgive your spouse? Then this article is for you.

All of the things I described above are emotions that we feel when a spouse has committed adultery and are perfectly validated by anyone’s standpoint.  If we did not have feelings such as these then I would think the marriage would be heading for more trouble than just adultery. So it is normal to feel victimized and hurt when a spouse commits infidelity.

But, it is not normal for these feelings to hang around for longer than six months if a spouse has repented of their infidelity and is asking for forgiveness. If you are harboring resentment and ill will towards your spouse after six months, I have to ask why are you not growing out from this issue and moving on with your marriage? Most likely the answer is because you have a hard time forgiving and simply do not trust your spouse any longer.

Before we can actually start rebuilding broken trust we first have to forgive. Forgiving your spouse is harder than trusting your spouse, but you cannot trust until you exonerate your spouse from such a sin. That happens through the workings of Christ in you. Jesus has taught us what forgiveness is and how to forgive and that is our foundation to work off of.

In the scripture where the woman was caught in adultery, why do you think Jesus asked the crowd who were getting ready to throw stones at her, that those who were without sin to cast the first stone? Jesus already knew they were all sinners and no one could throw the first stone! No one could stone the adulterous woman because we all fall short of perfection because we’re human! He was teaching them to be compassionate and forgiving. 

I’m certainly not defending infidelity but it does not mean that a wayward spouse cannot change and turn their life around either. Reality is, people err, they sin and make mistakes and do things that are not appropriate behavior but most people can learn from those mistakes and become better marriage partners because of it.

Then what did Jesus say to the woman? He told her that no one condemned her, and for her to turn her life around and sin no more. Jesus forgave her right then and there. She didn’t have to ask for forgiveness because Jesus already knew in her heart that she was sorry for committing adultery. End of story.

And that is our example to follow. We are to do what is right rather than what feels good. It feels good to keep throwing stones at our spouse because we’re angry and hurting so bad, but choosing to forgive is doing the right thing.  So to help us forgive, we have to ask Jesus to heal our heart and mind from the pain we are feeling, and to give us peace of mind. This is the only way we can truly forgive our spouse.

“Woman, where are those thine accusers?” Hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, “Neither do I condemn thee”: go, and sin no more. (John 8:10 KJV)

Angie Lewis has written three books on how to have a happy marriage. She has just finished her fourth book THE ALCOHOLISM TRAP: Understanding Why You Drink and What You Can Do To Achieve Total Sobriety. 

For more information about this book and marriage books, please visit: http://www.heavenministries.com

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Comments on this article:

» left by Sammy from Abia State,Nigeria (1 year 7 days ago.)
You have to forgive your spouse if you still love him/her BUT before that you should make him feel miserable,ostrasized and remousful for her actions,then give her some tough conditions and then accept her back!
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» left by latrice from houston,tx (133 days 15 hours ago.)
thats not doing what the bible says to do we dont need to inflict any pain god will deal with the spouse for what they did.

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» left by patricia Torrecillas from myrtle beach (101 days 15 hours ago.)

Good article. My husband had a affair the entire first 6 years of our marriage with a mutual friend who was also his co-worker. This women was a regular at our home and I did favors for her. When I found out I was devastated, my husband said he was sorry ect....But, it seems that he was sorry that I found out. He mentioned to me that "no one was ever going to know". It's been 20 months since the day I found out and we are still together, unhappily.

 

A few months after the trauma of finding out our six year old son was diagnosed with Juvenille Diabetes, horrible thing to happen. Now it seems as If we are together becuase of our son. We almost never have sex, he is a selfish lover, when we do have sex I almost never reach any kind of satisfaction on the contrarty I am tormented by the knowledge that he did things with her and that for all those years he did not touch me he preferred her over me. I hate myself and have to struggle to speak positive words and try to move forward or at times just try and get out of bed. Although forgiveness is a very important commandment I never understood how impossibly hard it would be to forgive my husband, I can not. I am 41 years old now and live in a world of uncertainty and daily emotional pain, at times the pain of the betrayel has actually physically manifested, I litteraly feel that my heart is broken.

 

I left our church after the betrayels were confessed, I found no support at church. In fact I was very alone with the whole trauma of it all and still am to this day. At times I have questioned my "sanity" and many times confessed to the MOST HIGH that I doubt my ability to go on and have any kind of life with my husband. So, now I am in the process of enrolling in school to become a "Advanced Clinical Medical Assistant" I will also be classified as Bi-lingual, english/spanish. The burden on my heart is to become employable and do the best I can with what I have, for my little boy.

 

Along with the discovery of my husbands infedelity I also discoverd financial betrayels, in large amounts, so, perhaps betrayel affects different people in differnet measures, for me, it was like a "fatal blow" all "seemed lost' for a long time. Only by the small measure of "hope" in the MOST HIGH have I continued on and I am constantly saying to myslef "all things are possible with GOD to him who believes" and "I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strenthens me". It would be difficult to accurately describe to you the level of devastation caused by the Adultery...this family is hanging on by only a thread. I hope someday to help someone else who is the victim of Adultery, so that they won't face it alone. Only the MOST HIGH knows wether or not I will. In the meantime we should have compassion on families who have been devastated by Adultery and keep calling out to GOD for help.

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