The break up was sudden, you weren’t prepared for it. Even the reason he gave for breaking up with you doesn’t really register because everything seemed to be going on wonderfully. Okay, you have had a few hard times, but every one of those times, you’ve been able to work things out, so why not this time? Did he really love you? Is there someone else?
Weeks, months have passed since he dumped you. You realize you can survive without him. You are finally adjusting to being single again and starting to truly heal. You get rid of all those photos you took together, the ones you did not rip up the first few days after he told you it was over. You also get rid of all the other stuff that remind you of him. You are beginning to enjoy life again even going out with your best friend. You notice men are taking interest in you and it feels really good.
One day the phone rings, you pick it up and it’s your ex! “It’s me" he says, “please don’t hang up". Or you suddenly run into him at a party or grocery store. He begs you to hear him out. And being the good person you are, you give him a few minutes. He tells you he realizes dumping you was a terrible mistake. He misses you and feels lonely without you. He loves you and hopes that you will give him a second chance. This time he says will be different. What do you do?
Scenario one: You tell the creep to go back to where he emerged from and immediately hang up the phone or walk away. The phone call or encounter reminds you how terrible you felt when he dumped you. You thought your life was over, he probably hoped that you’d die from the break up. And now here he comes crawling back into your life. You feel angry and sad all over again - more angry than sad, perhaps.
Scenario two: You feel angry but a part of you wants to know why he dumped you in the first place. So you ask the questions and he answers. Not satisfactory, but at least you have answers that you did not have before. You know in your heart that second-time-round love can be very risky, but what if you are wrong. So you ask him for time to think things through.
Scenario three: You hear him out but your mind is made up. He says he is willing to change but you think it’s all talk. You can’t trust him to stick around and can’t afford another heart break, not again. The past is just that...in the past FOR A REASON.
Scenario four: All the memories of the wonderful times you had together suddenly come flooding your mind. Even though he hurt you – a lot – you still miss him. A part of you still loves him. And like from nowhere you remember that phrase “if you love someone set them free, if they come back it was meant to be."
What do you do when an ex comes crawling back?
He wants you to forgive him, that’s fine. Tell him its all right you will forgive him not because he deserves it but because you do. Whether or not you want to get back doesn’t matter, forgiving him is taking back your power and intentionally refusing the past to dictate your future.
Second-time-round relationships do work, sometimes. But for it to work you’ll have to go in feeling stronger than before. Go into this with your eyes open and with a strong spirit.
Know What You Want
Think about it: despite who actually did the dumping, there were reasons. When someone dumps you, it did not happen just like that or just because you had one bad argument. Chances are that it took him a lot of thinking to go through with it. He probably even played out different ways of doing it before he decided it was time to dump you. Do not let him off the hook that easy. If you let him walk in and out of your life just like that, you are devaluing yourself and telling him he has the right to treat you anyway he wants. This is an opportunity for you to look at the relationship from an outsider’s perspective since you are not in the relationship anymore. Were you happy in the relationship to begin with? It is easy to remember all of the good times and totally forget about all of the bad things because you have an emotional void that you need to fill. Don’t ignore the red flags and don’t trust too soon.
Ask for What You Want
Do you have a reason to believe that things will be different if you two decide to get back together? If you want to give the relationship another try, do you honestly believe that you two can come up with reasonable compromises? You should only consider a second-time-round only when you sincerely feel that prospects for long-term happiness together is really there. This is what you need to communicate to him. Choose a quiet time and place (please…not the bedroom) for the discussion, one where the two of you can concentrate on each other and put in words what it is you want, and what it is you can and cannot tolerate.
Give Him What He Wants
Men show by their actions what they want and don't want. And sometimes what he wants is his space. Do not try to force him into a level of commitment he is not ready to be in because no man was ever happy in a relationship that is forced upon him. Once he is ready, trust me, he will let you know. But do not ignore the signs that he cannot "deliver" and offer to hang around just until he is ready because he may never be ready and you'll have wasted your time in a go-nowhere relationship.
Keep in mind that relationships follow the flow of Creation. They are there for as long as they are needed and for as long as they are necessary for your own spiritual growth. Some relationships are for ever and others are not. And if you are even doubting if this will really work out then may be you need to listen to your intuition because it is telling you something about yourself and about the relationship.
If you’re thinking of getting back together just to fill the lonely hours until Mr. Right comes along, you’ll actually reduce the chances of you ever attracting someone who is right for you. If you want a match that is lasting, you will want a partner who has worked on his or her own personal development and who has cleaned up her or his emotional baggage. If you think about it, this person will want the same of you. Take advantage of the “lonely hours’ to improve yourself, your career and your life and when you are operating at your best, someone will come along who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
You deserve a lot more than you are willing to settle for!!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renown Sex Appeal and Sexual Confidence Expert, and Dating Coach with a unique and fresh outlook to what love is really about, what is there to learn about who we really are and what we can expect from our sexual relations. If you enjoyed reading this article check out Christine’s Website: www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
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