You might be a doormat if…
you are constantly doing favors for people and no one ever offers to help you.
You might be a doormat if…
everyone you know leans on you for support but no one is ever there when you need a friend.
You might be a doormat if…
you keep letting people walk all over you.
Don’t be a doormat!
That’s often easier said than done, right? If you are a natural giver, a generous and loving person, chances are you will be taken advantage of more often than not. People will use you and disrespect you if they see how giving and forgiving you really are. It’s unfortunate, but it’s a fact of life. You might just be walking around with “Doormat" written on your forehead for all the users of the world to see!
So how can you avoid this? The best way is to set boundaries in your friendships and relationships—including family relationships. Just because someone is related to you doesn’t mean they can treat you poorly. Set boundaries and let people know that you cannot always do favors, or respond to every cry for help that you hear. Insist that others respect you.
When relationships have been unhealthy for a long time, this can be nearly impossible. You don’t want to hurt anyone (that’s the doormat’s motto!) but no one cares how you feel. It’s time to stand up and say, “I deserve to be treated better!"
You need to examine yourself and your relationships carefully, and prayerfully. You need to understand your own motivations. Why do you let people take advantage of you? Is it because you don’t want to hurt anyone? Chances are your motives run much deeper than that. Generally if someone asks for a small favor, they will not be terribly hurt if you say, “I wish I could but…" and let them know your reasons why you can’t help this time
Most often, being a doormat stems from a deep desire to feel needed. You want people to come to you with their problems, but you want to be appreciated for all your help and support! Be honest with yourself and then be honest with the people around you. Try writing in your journal about the problems in your relationships and what you would like to say to people if you knew no one would push you away for saying how you really feel. When you have a handle on the issues and your own emotional reaction to being a doormat, it’s much easier to discuss the matter with the people in your life.
If you worry that you will lose your friends if you confront this issue, pray for God and His angels to assist you. The right words will be given to you. Jesus said, “do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you." (Matthew 10:19-20) Just before your conversation, say a little prayer and ask for the right words to come to you—trust me, they always do come! Pray for the words and for your friend to understand and appreciate your honesty.
In the future, avoid becoming a doormat again by always expecting something in return. This isn’t selfish it is striking a healthy balance between give and take. When you do favors for others, your motivation always includes the desire to be appreciated, so expect gratitude to be given to you in return for all that you do for others! Set boundaries and let people know you expect gratitude, respect, and true friendship from them. When you need a friend, you shouldn’t be left out in the cold, feeling walked all over again!
About the Author:
Monica Who is a clairvoyant spiritual psychic located in British Columbia, Canada. Monica has over 19 years of experience as a professional psychic, and is an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church. Visit www.MonicaWho.com to learn more about Monica, arrange a live session, or order an email reading. |
