Remember that time when you and your friends were out at some social
event together just having fun. And then all of a sudden you see that
attractive man looking at you, or that gorgeous woman just standing
there. So you tap your friend on a shoulder and say: hey, look there on
your left, isnt he/she cute? Your friends response will naturally be to
go talk to her/him. But you simply wont budge. The best you can do is
to throw a few glances in the direction of that beautiful stranger
hoping that maybe by some kind of a miracle the stranger will approach
you. So what are you afraid of?
Of course you know that he or she does not bite, but
unfortunately you have probably found out that what really bites is
rejection. What if you dont get that phone number or a 1 st date youre
hoping for? What if they already are in a relationship? What if they
really looked at someone who was standing behind you? What if fill in
the blank! All of these questions you ask yourself, of course are
natural and familiar to almost all of us. But you have probably also
learned that if you dont take your chances, you might regret it later
on. A new meaningful connection that could happen is worth the risk.
So, the main question is how do you go past all those fears and
negative beliefs and go for what your heart desires?
There are many ways you can do this and you probably already
know a few of them. Unfortunately most of them didnt bring you the
results you wanted and somewhere along the line you decided to give up.
Before you do that, would you be open and willing to try a new method
that just might work for you in a way you never expected it to? Well,
read on!
The biggest mistake that most people make in this situation
without realizing it subconsciously, is assuming that they have to act
a certain way. We think we have to say things that are interesting
enough, flirt in a way that does not come out too awkward, dont come
across as too nervous or desperate. We have all learned the
technicality of it but we loose our spirit in the process. And we
forget that the persona we try to put out there is not nearly as
attractive as who we really are.
Confidence is known to be very attractive, however you cannot
fake confidence. And you cannot be confident without first accepting
yourself. Self acceptance is a process, and we can definitely practice
it in the moment. All we need to do is make that first choice and it
isnt very hard. Try to be open and aware of how you feel inside and let
go of any self judgment. It is OK to feel nervous in this situation,
its OK to be anxious and it is OK to be afraid. Those are normal human
feelings and they are valid for you considering what youve been through
in the past. Coming to this realization alone will reduce a great deal
of anxiety.
When you look at how you acted in the past, wasnt your
immediate motivation to do the exact opposite? Force yourself not to be
afraid. That is quite understandable. After all, you dont want the
handsome stranger see you getting nervous. However, as soon as you
realize and accept that it is OK to feel what you feel, you gain
confidence.
This self acceptance is just the beginning and it is enough in
its energy to get the ball rolling. Now try to take it to the next
level. Consider the possibility that as a human being you are more than
just OK. Think about yourself as a lovable spiritual being in a human
body. You are attractive in your own way; you are lovable, interesting
and beautiful child of God. This will put you in touch with who you
really are and give you even more confidence. Now, do you feel like
youre ready to shine? Great job! Most of the work is done and its all
downhill from there. This process may take a few minutes at first, but
as you go along practicing it on a regular basis, it will take a lot
less time. Eventually you will get to the point where you dont even
have to think about it, you will know it instinctively.
Now youre ready to get present in the moment and your
surroundings. Look at the person you want to meet, look at whats going
on around them and look for the right time to start acting. Look into
their eyes and see how open they are. Is he looking back at you? Does
she seem interested? Try not to go by general rule of 3 second eye
gazing. A lot of people are shy and some women dont feel comfortable
keeping an eye contact with a man they dont know for a long time. In
fact, most women have a very good peripheral vision that they use to
check out men without appearing to obvious. So just because she isnt
starring at you does not mean she does not find you attractive. If her
signals are unclear to you at first, why not take it further and take
the risk of approaching her anyway? When you find yourself attracted to
a man who isnt approaching you, why not approach him? If he is not
interested, chances are, you will know it right away as soon as you
start talking to each other. Dont worry about what youre going to say.
It really is irrelevant. Your energy and state of mind is far more
important. And your goal is to take action, not get the result.
So, how did that feel? What was it like to be courageous? You
took the risk and it wasnt easy, this is something worth applauding
yourself for. Not what you said, not how you appeared, not how they
reacted to you, not whether theyre available or not, not how nice or
rude they were to you. It is your self acceptance, self love and the
courage to take risk. So even if you didnt get that phone number or the
1 st date you were hoping for, thats OK because there will be a next
time. The next time youre in a similar situation, remember what it felt
like to have the courage.
Katherine Bouglai is a life coach for singles who works with single men and women to help them feel more confident with who they are and coaches them through their journey to find the relationship they desire.
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information presented herein intended to substitute for the advice provided to you by any health care or other professional
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