I look through the articles I have written and see how they’ve done, and I am deeply concerned that the highest numbers have gone to Alcohol and Depression related stories. I suffer from both, I know the depths they can take you, and I have shared that with the readers, and hopefully, some of what I said helped. First and foremost, the reader who may be suffering from either or both, has to feel as if you know how they feel.
There are negatives involved with both diseases, and I go into my share of problems with the beasts on my back, but I came through those dark days, and I also try to give hope that they can, too. It is not easy to quit drinking, especially if it’s become a habit, and bouts of depression can knock you off your feet. But once the degradation and guilt and shame is dealt with, our minds can open up to the world that awaits us. That world is not all sweetness and honey, but it can be dealt with if we have the right tools to keep our mind in tact while trying to tackle the problems we face.
Hopelessness is a feeling that can only be explained by those who have felt it. There is a realization that there is beauty outside, nature can leave us speechless, our kids whom we love are connected to us in a special bond that cannot be duplicated. We know this while in our depths of Hell, but the way our brains are working at the time makes those gifts irrelevant. The oppression sits too heavy on our minds. We feel weak, both emotionally and physically and we want relief. If we can’t find any, chances are we will stay in our alcoholism and depression.
I don’t know what made me decide to fight these two demons, but I didn’t want to feel the way I did anymore, and used my mind to think the right, positive things, and force me to get help. If you are serious about wanting to quit drinking, and changing your lifestyle to a more appropriate one, twelve step meetings will work. Your determination will push you to listen, and what you’ll be listening to are people with the same types of problems or feelings you have. Some have only just begun their journey, some have twenty, thirty, and forty years of sobriety. All will help.
It’s a pain sometimes to have dinner, want to lie on the couch and watch TV, then go to sleep, but instead have to get dressed and drive to a twelve step meeting at eight which might not be what you feel like doing. That’s where your part in your recovery comes in. You have to push yourself. I remember not wanting to go out in the cold or snow, but I knew I would never make it if I didn’t put my whole being into this program. It’s not going to work if I’m not there.
I have never had a drop of alcohol since before my first meeting, almost fourteen years ago. The program helped me enough to keep me sober through the illness and death of my father, and a divorce, and two kids leaving home, and many other difficult issues I’ve faced. So, there is hope for the still suffering alcoholic. Depression was also a combination of thinking I wanted out of the Hell I felt I was in, and getting the right medication to help my brain function normally.
The people who read my stories know I can relate to their pain.
I’ve been to the dark side of the soul, and it is creepy and scary and you want to get out as fast as you can. It is where the fantasies and dreams you held dear your whole life, are exposed to reality, and the concepts don’t match up. You are stunned, and in shock, and you don’t want to die, but you don’t want to live. Something has to change to make it better.
First, I got on the right medication, which took a short time to figure out which one worked best. I started feeling better, and was able to get out of bed and start doing things I used to do. I was feeling glimpses of happiness. I got things accomplished that I had put off for a long time, even something as simple as cleaning out my walk in closet. Once that was done, the feeling of satisfaction felt good. I got back into enjoying keeping my home clean and comfortable. I started going out more. I sat on my front porch swing and ingested as much nature as I could. There was the sun and the blue sky and a few clouds, and chipmunks, and birds, and deer, and our waterfall and people taking walks.
I began going to Reflexology sessions, which have helped immensely. I still have my good days and bad days, and days I wish I could have a drink. I will never go back to where I was, so I have a soda instead. I have days of depression where I’m up all night and sleep all day. There are always going to be things to upset us. Once we have the skills from a twelve step program, and the will of our spirit to fight our depression, we can make it as a half way normal human being.
There is hope. I am hope, because I am proof that you can overcome your addictions and keep your depression at a level that you are still able to cope. This story is for all those who are suffering. May you find it within yourselves to bite the bullet and get to a meeting, and a doctor. You have nothing to lose, and so very much to gain. You are worth it, even if you don't feel that way right now.
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