Have you been trapped under something extremely heavy for the past six or eight years? If not, good. Then you've already figured out that the vast majority world's resources for men who want to get better with women focus on PICKUP and/or SEDUCTION.
There's "The Seduction Community", of course. But lately I've also seen "Pickup Community" coined in several places. What gives?
It's looks an awful lot like the terms are treated as virtually synonymous. Is that the case? And must EVERYTHING that equals "dating advice" for men necessarily be classified as one or the other?
I say, "Not a chance", and, um..."Not a chance".
For starters, both "pickup" and "seduction" are universally referenced when talking about the early stages of relationship management. But it's there where the terms diverge.
In my mind, "pickup" in particular focuses purely on approaching and meeting MOTOS, and perhaps building rapport, etc. In no uncertain terms (at least ostensibly), we're talking about what is commonly referred to as "Day One" stuff here. At some point, "pickup" makes a soft handoff to "seduction", which inherently refers to inspiring MOTOS towards deeper sexual attraction towards the seducer. Whether you choose to buy into the Dictionary.com definition referencing "enticing someone astray from right behavior" or the other one reading "an act of winning the love or sexual favor of someone is your business. But either way, we're past "pickup" at this point.
With the semantic differences between "pickup" and "seduction" down on paper, the logical follow-up question is, "Does this mean there's a difference between a "pickup artist" and a "seducer".
Oh HECK YEAH there is.
Having given this some considerable thought, it's apparent to me that a "pickup artist" focuses on the GAME. "Pickup" typically involves "openers", "routines", and other terms and acronyms that would make IT engineers jealous--perhaps not coincidentally, I might add. The game of "pickup" itself is about acquiring as many "number closes", "kiss closes" and "lays" as one can, and in the shortest amount of time possible.
As the saying goes, "He who dies with the most toys wins."
Recently I saw a post on a well-traveled message board proposing that all of the top "PUAs" should have to fill out some sort of spreadsheet detailing their numbers of "lays", with age groups and other details. Then we could objectively decide who "wins".
A "seducer", on the other hand, is focused on the WOMEN themselves.
Remember the dog that chased cars and finally caught one? Well, there's your analogy. Once you "pick up" a woman, you've got to know WHAT TO DO NEXT. That's no longer "pickup", gentlemen. It's the "seducer" who can drive a woman wild with attraction and...yes...sexual anticipation.
I therefore consider the art of seduction to be a more evolved one than the art of pickup. Although both are very necessary skills, if a guy learns some "pickup game" and stops there he's in for some serious frustration. After all, great women generally do not like being "picked up". But they LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being "seduced".
Ever been to a car dealership? Did the salesman basically ignore what you were saying and try to point you to his preference instead, asking "what he could do to get you to buy this car TODAY?" Or...did he listen intently to you, eventually helping you get the car you really wanted...on terms you were stoked about?
Yeah well, women are human beings just like you, not "targets".
They love to buy what they are shopping for, but HATE to be "sold".
And what about the question of why EVERYTHING in the world of "men's dating advice" seems to focus on "pick up" and "seduction"
(if it even goes as far as the latter)? The obvious answer is because it's all about the "quick fix", which is what itching ears want to hear.
But the truth about REAL, SUSTAINED success with women necessitates drilling down to an even deeper level. Once you've SEDUCED a woman, a man must continue to keep her attracted. Are you one of those guys who feels like he's continuously shoveling coal into the burner trying to backfill all of those "relationships" that flame out after two or three dates? If so, what I've shared with you thus far could be why...your vision isn't deep enough.
Don't beat yourself up over this, though. After all, as we've already said most of the info out there for us guys about "how to succeed with the babes" is telling us to dive into a shallow "kiddie pool" head first.
All of this is precisely why we talk about getting TOTAL CONTROL over one's dating life around here. This means enrapturing women and keeping them enthralled with the kind of masculine, confident, character-driven greatness that smacks of utter authenticity and therefore pure staying power. This means deserving what you want rather than getting a few "Jedi mind tricks" down pat. You've got to give women something REAL.
But the reward is almost absolute control over when and if second dates take place...and how long you choose to have someone in your life.
Is this worth it to you?
Can you be the man who manages relationships according to his own decision-making abilities--but always with the positive concern for women that causes them to love you for your efforts?
This is way beyond "day one" and "day two" stuff. This means throwing away the calendar and enjoying the freedom of life without deadlines.
Scot McKay is a character-based dating and seduction coach, online dating consultant, talk show host and founder of X & Y Communications. He lives in San Antonio, TX with his wife and co-conspirator Emily (whom he met online), three kids and two hairless terriers.
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