You’ve all heard about the Empty Nest Syndrome, when children
go off to college to embark on their exciting adventure away from you. The empty, dismal feeling of having to fill
your days with things other than daily parenting could be depressing and lonely,
for some. But the weekly phone calls mean the world to you, knowing that the
kids are doing well and are happy.
However, what happens when your grown children are living their lives
and you’re not part of it? For whatever reason (an argument, geographic
distance, in-law difficulties, etc), you are now left out of their lives, and
feeling a huge void and/or loss. I call
this the Empty-Ness Syndrome.
If you fall into this category, there are five things you
can do that may help transcend this feeling or even remedy the situation.
- Don’t
give up on trying to reestablish the relationship. If you stop trying, the result will
always be the same – what you have
now. So, make the phone call, write
the letter, send the package and do it with sincerity and determination
that this is something you really want to do. And continue making gestures to indicate
you want to open communication and perhaps make amends.
- Take 100%
responsibility for your PART in the problem. If there was an argument that left you
estranged, you and they are both responsible for what happened. Even if you think the other person was totally
wrong, consider this – Is it better to be right or be happy and how
willing are you to take the first step?
- You
may need to factor in forgiveness.
Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not others. It doesn’t mean you forget. Rather, it means you settle your inner
turmoil by letting go of the destructive thoughts that harbor inside and
cause you distress and discomfort.
To forgive means you take back control of your life and dissolve
the dismal cloud that follows you wherever you go.
- If
drugs, alcohol or mental illness is the problem, the best thing to do is
educate yourself so you understand the dynamics of the illness. Knowledge is an essential tool for
dealing with their irrational behavior and your guilt and helps you think more
clearly about strategies to empower you.
- Nobody
really wants to be without their family, so chances are your initial
gestures will open up dialogue. If
it doesn’t, remember to stay flexible and creative, utilizing whatever
means you can to make headway.
Each gesture is like a drop of water in an empty
bucket. The more drops you put in, the more
it gets filled with water. Keep filling
your family bucket so that, one day, it will be filled again with healthy, open
and respectful relationships.
Amy Sherman is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice. She is the author of "Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer's Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life." Go to www.bummedoutboomer.com to sign up for her free weekly ezine and to receive a list of 75 Stress-Relieving Activities as a bonus. Contact Amy at amy@bummedoutboomer.com or 561-281-2975.
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