All too often we are far more enthusiastic about talking than we are listening. Yet it is so vital if we are to communicate effectively. Most breakdowns in relationships are caused because people talk at each other without really making contact. Unless someone hears what has been said including the subtext the words have little value.
When we are actively listened to we feel valued and are far more likely to engage in negotiation and compromise. Listening is about far more than words. Watching facial expression and body language is often a far more accurate barometer than the words that are being used. Nice things being said where the smile doesnt reach the eyes is an obvious example.
10 tips to becoming a more effective listener
1) Make eye contact.
2) Read the body language of the talker. Are they relaxed, anxious, angry? Extremes are easy to recognize but often the message is much more subtle.
3) Mirror the talkers body language- subtly, a gentle dance rather than a caricature.
4) To be an effective listener it is vital that you listen actively.
5) Show that you are listening, nod, make appropriate responses.
6) Ask relevant questions, ask them to clarify if you are not clear about their meaning.
7) Summarize: so what you are saying is
8) Be careful of the tone of your voice when you respond or ask questions. It is all to easy to come across as judgmental or as an interrogator from the Spanish Inquisition
9) Use empathy. Acknowledge difficulties, but be careful not to fall into the trap of going into anecdotes from your experience. I sense that you are finding this rather difficult rather than Oh I know, it happened to me but mine was bigger, more difficult etc
10) Take a real interest, if you are simply going through the motions, the lack of sincerity will be obvious to others. Leave your ego behind, concentrate on the other person.
Gina Gardiner is described by Ofsted as an “inspirational leader" by Investors in People as an “impressive coach and exceptional mentor who has developed an innovative and exemplary training scheme" for emergent, middle and senior managers.
Gina leads a wide range of training/facilitation activities with individuals, schools and other organizations. As Independent Consultant/Executive Life Coach and mentor she supports people at individual/organizational level to develop confidence, leadership; empowering them to see themselves as part of the solution. She is a Neuro Linguistic Master Practitioner and a qualified coach.
Author of “Kick Start Your Career" and “How YOU Can Manage Your Staff More Effectively"
Graduate Solutions is a branch of Gina Gardiner Associates offering training, mentoring and coaching to support the development of leadership from emergent to Senior Management level.
Recovering Workaholics founded by Gina Gardiner a self-confessed recovering workaholic.
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Article added to SearchWarp.com on Wednesday, December 05, 2007 View other articles written by Gina Gardiner(102)
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