Recently, I found myself getting caught up in the "if...then" game. Basically, this happens whenever you focus on some point in the future that's contingent on another event. For example, 'I'll take that vacation, when I finish this project.' Or, 'I'll be happy, once I get that promotion.'
Whether we realize it or not, by adopting this approach to life, we're bypassing our present while simultaneously placing unrealistic expectations on the future.
Stuck On the Treadmill
I have to admit, I've done this a lot, especially during childhood, when I longed for and idealized my future as an adult. Fortunately, as a kid, you're naturally prone to focus on the here-and-now, so this mindset didn't keep me from enjoying my childhood. But as an adult, this mentality is inescapable, since a lot of what we do is geared toward the future. Even raising children is a future-focused activity. We shuffle kids off to school, and extracurricular activities, all the while keeping one eye on the future to ensure they reach adulthood well-educated and prepared for life.
The drawback to living like this is that you often feel like you're running mindlessly on a treadmill, chugging along but not really going anywhere--and certainly not enjoying the view along the way. But the alternative--never thinking about the future--just isn't an option, because time inevitably marches on and, as the saying goes, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."
It All Comes Down to Choice
So what's the optimal approach? There has to be some sort of happy compromise between living in the moment and planning for the future. Straddling these two realities is a major challenge in life for most people. For me, this means planning for the future while making the best of the present, no matter what that situation may be.
In effect, it all comes down to choice--making the choice to view the present in a positive light and making the best of it. This doesn't mean you should blithely ignore what might be wrong in your present. If you can improve something, then by all means, do so. But if a situation can't be fixed right now, then the next best approach is to work around it and work toward improving it for the future.
I know this sounds very abstract, but that's because this approach can be applied to so many different scenarios that we all come across in our lives. In his landmark bestseller, Man's Search for Meaning, Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote that man can choose to be happy and to posit meaning to his life, even inside the horrific walls of a Nazi concentration camp. Using this perspective, it's impossible for me to truly feel bad about anything that I consider wrong in my life right now, and I think this might be the same for most people.
Overcoming the Unimaginable
After the Holocaust, no one would have faulted Dr. Frankl had he chosen to live the rest of his life in bitter solitude. But instead, after surviving a brutal concentration camp, Frankl went on to become a world-renowned psychotherapist and best-selling author. He spread a message of hope and inspiration to millions of people around the world.
But how did he flourish in the face of such inconceivable suffering and tragedy when countless others would have become (understandably) defeated by it? To me, Frankl exemplified what it truly means to make the best of your present and focus on building a brighter future. He made a choice to resist giving in to the horrors of his present situation and to remain optimistic and committed to a better future. At least, that's the message I draw from his example. Now, few of us will ever experience the kind of suffering and despair Frankl and other Holocaust victims endured, but that just makes his story that much more inspirational and admirable.
Either way, Dr. Frankl's experiences and accomplishments underscore that a way exists to operate optimally, making the best of the here-and-now while still looking forward. And this knowledge gives me hope--both for the present and the future.
Samantha Chang is the executive editor of TheImproper.com, a lifestyle publication based in New York. Previously, Samantha was the associate editorial director at High Net Worth Inc. and assistant managing editor at Crain’s InvestmentNews.
A business and lifestyle journalist for 12 years, Samantha is a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania and Temple University Law School. She enjoys running, cycling and music.
» left by sue thom from nj (354 days 17 hours ago.)
hi samantha,
yes, i have the same problem a lot of the time.
thinking too far into the future instead of enjoying
the here and now. i've gotten better at calming myself
and taking the time i never had when my kids were
small, to sit on my front porch, and enjoy the quiet and
the peace. it takes concentration, but i'm getting there,
my best to you,
sue Respond to this comment
» left by Samantha Chang(116) Samantha Chang (354 days 12 hours ago.)
Thanks for your note, Sue. You're right--we all need to take some time to smell the roses sometimes. Time flies, esp. when you're raising kids, but the impt. thing is sharing (with loved ones and with others). Happy holidays :) --S. Respond to this comment
» left by Avis Ward(13,027) Avis Ward (354 days 10 hours ago.)
Samantha, I enjoy your writing style and article topics. You present an upbeat, positive and forward thinking approach to life. That suits me and my personality. Thank you! This title is simple, profound and true! Respond to this comment
» left by April Lorier(0) April Lorier (353 days 13 hours ago.)
Samantha, good job on this article! Yes, life is truly about "choices" and with each choice comes consequences -- plant a seed, get a crop! But there is another view which I offered in "Live In The Moment Unless You're An Ant". It is a fine balancing act to live in the moment while one is laying up for the future. Ants seem to have mastered that! I'm still struggling with the principle. Boy, and they say we humans are a "higher creation" than an ant! Ha! Respond to this comment
» left by Samantha Chang(116) Samantha Chang (352 days 12 hours ago.)
Hi April, thank you for your thoughtful note. I agree: how come ants seem to have that approach down-pat while we're still fumbling around?! Lol...I truly enjoy reading your essays as well. I'll look forward to the next one. Warmly, Samantha Respond to this comment
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,434) James P Krehbiel (353 days 12 hours ago.)
Samantha,
You are an exceptionally talented writer. What a clear explanation of balancing the present with future concerns. Of course, I love the fact that you brought one of my favorite psychotherapists into the article. About twenty years ago I met him at a presentation in Chicago. I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on my article which was a tribute to Dr. Frankl entitled, WHEN ALL I HAD LEFT WAS MY ATTITUDE. Keep up your great work. I truly am impressed! Respond to this comment
» left by Samantha Chang(116) Samantha Chang (352 days 13 hours ago.)
Hi James, thank you for your encouraging and gracious comment :) I just read your remarkable essay on Dr. Frankl..bravo!! You captured the essence of his message. He's one of my faves as well--truly inspirational, as your writing is to me. Happy holidays! --Samantha Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz(4,820) Teresa Ortiz (350 days 16 hours ago.)
Hi Samantha, this is a great reminder to slow down. We do miss out on today's blessings when we are too busy looking for tomorrow's. Loved the article. My babies are now teenagers - how did it happen so fast??! I will be reading more! Merry Christmas to you and yours! Teresa Respond to this comment
» left by Samantha Chang(116) Samantha Chang (343 days 18 hours ago.)
How right you are Teresa! The interesting thing is that when you look at your teenagers you probably still remember them as cute little babies. Happy holidays to you too, and a healthy and happy '08! Respond to this comment
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