Actress, Terri Hatcher of Desperate Housewives fame, wrote a selfless humanitarian article published in Newsweek, October 8, 2007, in its Turning Points column. Her recollection of her sexual child abuse by an uncle is a typical ordinary activity that was the precursor to being abused by someone she trusted and loved. Hatcher states her uncle often asked her if she wanted to accompany him when he drove to pick up his daughter, her cousin. She states she felt excitement and shame simultaneously a common reaction of being sexually abused.
Children have unconditional trust and love for family members "he is my uncle" he would not do anything that would harm me. Yet, simultaneously the child feels the sensations of sexual stimulation that is both enjoyable and confusing. Enjoyable because humans have a "sex drive" that is as compelling as the hunger and thirst drive. One can not avoid feeling hunger or thirst likewise one can not avoid feeling one's sexuality. Given a natural course, the sex drive does not become activated until puberty. Yet, when the child is sexually abused, one's sexuality is activated prematurely, thus, the child's body reacts as an adult.
Simultaneously, confusion arises because the child is unable to emotionally understand the sensations she/he is experiencing. Someone is treating her in a way that is inappropriate for her age and the relationship and she has little recourse. If she says, NO, she is afraid she will lose the family member's love. Furthermore, if she tells, will she be told she is wrong to feel the way she does, will she be believed; will she be accused of being a liar? Often the sex offender threatens the childIf you tell no one will believe you. Or many sex offenders establish a belief in the family system that the child is a little liar, so that if the child does tell, she/he is not believed.
Hatcher stated her uncle would stop in an abandoned parking lot. He turned off the engine and the space in the car with the seats that go all the way across would become the scary and haunting locale of the sexual abuse.
Hatcher's reason for writing about her sexual abuse is her sense of obligation to help other victims of sexual abuse to not feel alone. She wants to inspire other victims to realize that their lives do not have to be paralyzed by guilt and shame. Although, Hatcher, refers to being a victim of sexual abuse the truth is she is a sexual abuse survivor. Victims of such crimes are six feet under, without any recourse for their victimization.
Hatcher is one of the more fortunate survivors; thirty years after her abuse she was able to bring justice to bear. Serendipitously, she found a newspaper article her mother had saved. The article reported that in January 2002, a 14 year-old girl had wrapped her head in a towel and shot herself. The girl's suicide note implicated Richard Stone, Hatcher's uncle of sexually abusing her.
After several days of anguish, Hatcher, decided to call the D.A. in Santa Clara County, CA, who was working on the case. The D.A. recorded Hatcher's recount of her story. Hatcher remembered the clothes she was wearing, because her uncle had her take them off. He touched me and asked if it felt good. "I said no" and he said, "Well, someday it will," Hatcher related.
This was the first time Hatcher realized that those four words, "Well someday it will," had defined her life. "Maybe that's where all my adult guilt came from. Because, at the core, I felt I was bad. I felt that I caused it. That it was my fault," Hatcher stated.
The judge and Stone's lawyer read Hatcher's statement, and the corroborating evidence was enough to compel Stone to plead guilty in October 2002 of sexually abusing the 14-year old girl.
Although, the statue of limitation had expired for Hatcher's case, she feels vindicated that her coming forward resulted in his guilty plea to14 years in prison. "This experience allowed me the space to feel validated, vindicated and, frankly, not crazy. It was not my fault," Hatcher stated.
Like the majority of sexual abuse survivors, Hatcher, lamented that she can't say that a victim of sexual abuse is ever completely healed. The missing link in the majority of people's understanding of the after effects of Sexual Child Abuse is that the survivor will suffer throughout their life. Healing sexual abuse is possible. See my article "Sexual Abuse Recovery - Healing the Aftereffects." http://ezinearticles.com/?Sexual-Abuse-RecoveryHeali ng-the-Aftereffects&id=231102
Terri Hatcher, "Thank you, for your strength and courage to tell your story to the D.A. and for writing the article The Darkest Secret.' You will never know how many people you have helped by your selflessness. I wish you love, light and happiness for eternity."
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, noted author, If I'd Only Known...Sexual Abuse In Or Out of The Family: A Guide To Prevention, and co-author Chicken Soup for the Single Paren'ts Soul
has 33 years experience with healing the after effects of sexual and physical abuse. She developed a unique process to Create A Dynamic Future. This process teaches people how to consciously access their innate power to both heal illnesses and blockages and to create unlimited success.
Author:
*101 Great Ways To Improve Your Life - Volume III
*If I'd Only Known...Sexual Abuse In Or Out of The Family: A Guide To Prevention,
*Chicken Soup for the Single Paren'ts Soul
Dr. Dorothy has the unique gift of connecting people with a broad range of profound principles that resonate in the deepest part of their being. She brings awareness to concepts not typically obvious to one's daily thoughts and feelings.
