My wife and I were standing outside a jewelry store the day after Halloween when we began to hear the "sounds of Christmas." We looked at each other with amazement as Christmas began to permeate the air of the mall parking lot. Each year it appears that the winter holidays arrive earlier than the year before, making it more difficult for many to avoid the holiday blues.
The extension of the holidays has become an issue of contention. One gentleman even established a website called, "Campaign for a Shorter Christmas" (CASC)! As my father-in-law asserts, "if you follow the dollar you will find the meaning behind most events." This early onset to the Christmas shopping season is no exception. Many businesses will thrive on the extended window of opportunity as shoppers flood their stores during this time. Although a longer holiday shopping season may be fruitful for many merchants, I have to wonder if it is in anyone's best interest. I also wonder how the extended build-up serves the purposes of the traditions we observe.
Often people have a difficult time handling the season-driven holiday cheer and experience the holiday blues. Extending the time of preparation and celebration makes their sadness that much more intense. Rather than getting immersed in the excitement of the holidays, people with the blues view the season as a mirror which reflects their painful memories. Some have lost loved ones, forfeited jobs, ended relationships, and live far away from family. The expectations of joy and peace reflect and illuminate what is missing for them.
People with the holiday blues feel false guilt and disappointment because they feel incapable of meeting the expectations of the season. They may have reason to feel sad, but they try to discount those feelings in order to appear happy for others. When the holidays create sadness, there are ways you can relieve the intensity of the blues. You can:
1. Share your feelings with significant others.
2. Focus on the sacred traditions and meaning of a holiday rather than the artificial commercial build-up.
3. Teach your children through civility that the spirit of the holidays is about giving to others who are less fortunate.
4. Don't worry about whether your children are getting enough gifts. Most kids tell me that they don't care as much about the gifts they receive as their parents think they do. They will survive.
5. Let your children make a wish list. Be honest about what you can afford. They will understand. Your honesty and support is far more valuable than your gifts.
6. Avoid aspects of the holidays which intensify feelings of sadness. Turn off the endless holiday music. Avoid excessive shopping. Make plans for a simpler, more comfortable celebration.
7. Reframe your perspective about the holidays. Most of this season has become commercially driven anyway.
8. Keep in mind that others feel as you do - sad during the holiday season.
9. Remember that the holidays are truly about feeling connected to other people and to the religious traditions reflecting one's concept of God. Create new memories through creative holiday traditions.
People with sadness may view the extended holiday season as a time to be endured, rather than celebrated. It really is acceptable to feel that way. Fortunately, holiday seasons are time-limited. It is important to refrain from worrying about what others think and feel about the holiday season. Focus on making your time a simple and sacred experience with family and friends.
James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. James has taught Master's level classes in counselor education through Chapman University of California. He specializes in working with patients who have depressive, anxiety and autistic spectrum disorders. James has written numerous articles on a variety of counseling-related topics, all available via Google searches. His first book, Stepping Out of the Bubble, is available at www.booklocker.com. James is in the process of completing his second book regarding adult illusions about their childhood experience. James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com.
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» left by Samantha Chang(132) Samantha Chang (260 days 20 hours ago.)
Thanks for this insightful article. It's true that the holidays are overhyped and often do lead to over-expectations, which then can lead to a sense of emptiness and disappointment. I suspect the overhyping has a lot to do with Madison Ave. inducing us to buy things and focus on the commercial aspects of the holidays. Respond to this comment
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,391) James P Krehbiel (260 days 13 hours ago.)
Samantha,
Thank you for responding to my article. Yes, the holidays are over-hyped. The Arizona Republic picked up on this article and are doing an inteview with me for Christmas day. The editor told me that a friend kept her Christmas tree up through March! I don't know if that's laziness or lingering holiday sentiments. Thanks Respond to this comment
» left by sue thom from nj (259 days 12 hours ago.)
yes! james,
i have done zero shopping. zero mall browsing. zero card giving.
no money to do so. BUT...i have the best kids, and we love each other.
my highlight of this season was when my 17 year old received a card from his best friend's family, who moved to south carolina months ago. when i showed him the card, he asked me, "mom, could we send them a card?"
these are the times that show me i am raising my kids in the way i had hoped. i found a box of cards in a store for 4.99-great deal, and when i got to the checkout, they were on sale for 2.49! and people don't think God is watching! my son's friend and family's card is in the mail. happy holidays,
all my best,
sue
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,391) James P Krehbiel (259 days 11 hours ago.)
Susan,
Hi! Yes, you are doing it the right way. Good for you. Apparently this article didn't get much traction, I'm not quite sure why. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Respond to this comment
» left by Tammy from USA (258 days 14 hours ago.)
This is a great article Respond to this comment
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,391) James P Krehbiel (258 days 14 hours ago.)
Tammy,
Thank you for your response. I hope the holidays bring you cheer and peace! Be well. Respond to this comment
» left by Lori (258 days 14 hours ago.)
Your article definitely was right on track. The insaneness of Christmas appearing earlier every year, and now with the announcements of stores staying open 24 hours til the day before?! Too much and too much stress. I don't mind the music, or the decorations, but not before Thanksgiving.
I enjoyed your article very much and you hit all very valid key points.
Due to circumstances beyond my control this holiday season, I'll be sending virtual holiday cards and making phone calls. For my close friends and family, they understand and don't mind. After all its about being connected to them not what you got them.
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,391) James P Krehbiel (258 days 14 hours ago.)
Lori,
I am glad you have simplified your holiday season. You are right. It is about the connections we make with others. Thank you for your suggestions. God bless. Respond to this comment
» left by Jose from USA (258 days 14 hours ago.)
Hi James! This article spoke so many truths about the holiday. It is uplifting to see another perspective abut feeling sad over this "happy" time of the year and to know that it is normal and OK. Respond to this comment
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,391) James P Krehbiel (258 days 14 hours ago.)
Jose,
Thank you very much. Yes, it is normal to feel down. If you let things be, you are more likely to feel better. I hope you do. Have a wonderful holiday and don't worry about your mood! Respond to this comment
» left by Molly from USA (258 days 13 hours ago.)
James,
I cannot express enough how I feel that your article hits home! In today's society it seems that Christams is all about the commercialism not about the relious significance of the actual holiday. Respond to this comment
» left by doris r. from chicago, ill. (258 days 8 hours ago.)
James,
i have been feelin sad for awhile during the holidays. i no longer feel guilty since i red you article. thanks, yu made my day. Respond to this comment
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,391) James P Krehbiel (258 days 7 hours ago.)
Doris,
Bless your heart. Thank you for reading my article and I hope you are feeling better so that you can enjoy the holidays. Merry Chrismas! Respond to this comment
» left by Andrea Freed from Columbus, Ohio (257 days 14 hours ago.)
James,
I couldn't agree more about the commercial traps and expectations that affect our mood during the holiday season. Many of us have baggage for losses that have come during this time of the year. Your bullets which provide ways of coping are very valuable. Thank you and have a wonderful Christmas and New Year. Respond to this comment
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,391) James P Krehbiel (257 days 8 hours ago.)
Andrea,
Thank you for responding to my article. This is a difficult time for many children and adults. I hope that my suggestions provided creative ways for you to think more positively about this time of year. Merry Christmas to you! Respond to this comment
» left by Donald Simmons from Sanford, Florida (257 days 12 hours ago.)
Hello James,
I am an old retiree who is mostly alone during the holidays. Your article was helpful in leting me feel that its ok to be down and out, not having to feel chery. I'm feeling good today. Im gonna try to hav a nice Chistmas whether I feel good or not! Respond to this comment
» left by James P Krehbiel(1,391) James P Krehbiel (257 days 8 hours ago.)
Oh my, this must be difficult for you Donald. Keep in touch with a family member if available and listen to some soothing music. Focus on your good memories if you can. Let your feelings be whatever they choose to be. Merry Christmas! Respond to this comment
» left by mathew ruskin from grand rapids, mich. (256 days 4 hours ago.)
James,
I like what you had to say about dealing with sadnes at hididay. Respond to this comment
» left by jamespkrehbiel from scottsdale, az (255 days 14 hours ago.)
Mathew,
Thank you for writing to me. I hope you have a merry Christmas! Respond to this comment
» left by Jane Bullard(1,169) Jane Bullard (76 days 15 hours ago.)
Hi, James, I enjoyed this article. Summer is when writers begin to think about writing for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's holidays. What you wrote is very to the point! Thanks. Respond to this comment
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