Your Ex Wants To Be Friends But You Want More - How Do You Get Your Ex Back?
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Posted: Sunday, December 23, 2007
by Yangki Christine Akiteng
The Real People's Love Doctor
I get asked this question a lot and over the years that I have coached people to attract back their ex, I've quite a lot of excellent advice on the topic.
If your ex is open to spending time together (or going out on dates), keep it friendly but do not offer "Let's to be just friends" in the hope that your ex will think "Oh! You are so wonderful. I want you back!" Even with your other friends you are not romantically involved with, you didn't go up to them and say, "Let's be friends". The friendship kind of happened naturally over a period of time.
If your ex offers to be friends for a start, don't get all worked up because of all the information you read about how it is impossible to transition from friends to lovers. It may just be that he or she is not yet ready to quickly jump into a situation that may cause hurt again. For now, accept that friendship is all your ex has to offer you. Being friends means that the door is still open for you. If the door remains open your ex may one day come back in. Instead of getting all stressed, worried and frustrated with his or her decision to be friends to begin with, look at this as an opportunity for you to prove to your ex that you are indeed a different and improved person.
The greatest loves are built on strong friendships. If you're not friends, and best friends at that, then the relationship won't stand all the other problems that come with living with someone else.
Just make sure that it's clear to your ex that the reason you are together again is to try and become lovers again. Say something along these lines:
"You know how I feel about you and that I want us to be more than just friends, but if being friends for a start will bring us closer, I am willing and ready to give this relationship all I got. Let's see if by keeping in regular contact and spending some time together, we can rekindle what we had when we first met. I think that this might be some of the best times we've shared in a long time."
This way, your ex knows that you'd rather be back together immediately but you are not going to rush him or her into anything he or she isn't ready for yet. But more importantly it gives a promise of something your ex can look forward to.
If your ex begins to object to keeping in regular contact and spending some time together to try to rekindle the love you had then you know that saying he or she wants to be friends for a start was just a polite way of saying. "I am not interested in you romantically, but I'd like us to be friends."
On the other hand, if your ex agrees to your proposition, accept being friends for a start and make the most of it. Take advantage of this opportunity to showcase all the changes you've made since the two of you broke up. This is when you do all those important things that will cause your ex to rethink "being friends" and open up the possibility of something more. The goal for you is to fan the feelings of "liking" and edge them towards the limits of the "just friends zone" to the realm of romantic feelings.
If you do this right, you are half way to being back together -- and it'll kind of happen naturally over a period of time. No sweating it and no forcing it. Nothing could be easier.
If you are serious about getting back your ex, you might want to check out my e-Book: Dating Your Ex - What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow And The Next Day To Get Your Ex Back.
About Author: Internationally renowned Dating & Relationships Coach, Christine Akiteng has devoted years of her life re-uniting couples and has seen over and over again first hand what works. She has woven together solid-gold advice on just about every stage of getting back together with your ex to help you make the process less scary and shaky and more exciting and smooth as possible.
Christine's main website: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
e-Book: http://www.datingyourex.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Wow, This was everything I needed to hear, and gave me a more optimistic view on getting my ex back. I'm confused on where we stand, but this lets me see that just being friends could one day lead to more. Thank you Christine!Please log in to respond to this comment.
I'm 15 and my boyfriend of 2 1/2 months Broke up with me last night and said i could still talk to him and be friends. i didnt know how to handle it at first, but this helped me alot and made me think that i should be patient. Thank you!Please log in to respond to this comment.
You know what, this is the most positive article I've read so far. It really makes sense to me now. I am too was really confused and lost. I've been reading reading articles like these, and then stumble upon this. I will keep your words in mind. You really made my day. Thanks!Please log in to respond to this comment.
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