This Christmas came and went as fast as it takes a charge card to swipe through the machine. As I sat last night reflecting on the day's events of endless presents and food, I began to once again ponder what is important.
We had a blessed Christmas this year, at least, that it what I felt before interacting outside of our four walls with others in our family. I found myself resorting back to my childhood complaining to my husband about the gifts our family received.
I guess I should give a little background. As a stay at home mom who only works part-time, I continually feel guilty or obligated when my family does without. If we have a hard time paying bills, I blame myself. After all, if I was working, we would be a dual income family and this would not be an issue. Right? So was the same this Christmas.
My husband has wanted an IPhone since they were announced in June. I felt horrible when we arrived at the in-laws and found out that his 16-year-old brother got one for Christmas.
I felt worse when I found out my 12-year-old nephew received a Wii and I could not afford or find one for that matter. His nine-year-old brother received an IPod(which my husband would have settled for) and a cell phone. Our cell phones drop out of conversations every five minutes. His daughter was so excited about her Princess SUV and I felt embarrassed to say that my kids big gifts were an under $30 scooter.
As I arrived back home feeling beaten down and unworthy, I began formulating plans to go back to work full-time.
"Why are you so upset about this," my husband asked.
"Because I failed all of you. I couldn't get you what you all wanted." I replied.
"We are happy with what we got. The kids are happy. We all got what we wanted. They don't even know the difference. Why is this an issue?"
I sat and pondered. Why did I care so much? Why was I so depressed? Then my husband said probably the thing that stung the most.
"It sounds like to me you are worrying about what other people think."
After endless minutes of trying to convince myself or rationalize the absurdity of this statement, I gave up. I hate it when he is right! We were happy before we walked out the door. We were content with what we had gotten. Why, then, would I compare our gifts to others anyway? What does it matter if the rest of my family spent more on gifts then we make in six months?
Christmas for us has always been about giving and Jesus' birth, why would I model something else in front of my kids? Why would I even consider that material possessions are more important than the true meaning of Christmas? We received a very blessed Christmas-more blessed than many others.
As I tucked my seven-year-old son in, he asked me again if I liked his gift. It was at that moment that I just had to laugh at God. "I get the point, Lord." See my son made me a gift one morning while he was waiting for everyone else to awake. He carefully placed in under the tree paper clipped by two colorful paper clips.
As I opened it Christmas morning, tears were brought to my eyes. My fear every Christmas is that my kids will get so caught up in Christmas that they will miss the miracle of the true meaning-God being so selfless to come to Earth in the flesh.
When I opened the card, I realized my son had not missed that meaning.
At the top of the card he made it read, "Jesus Loves You." Pictured beneath was a huge cross. Below the cross it said. "Psalm 15:6-Lord who can dwell in your tent? who can live on your Holy mountains? The one who lives honestly, practices righteousness, who does not slander with his tongue, who does not harm his friend or disrespect his neighbor, who despises the one rejected by the Lord."
The Psalm he began copying in the card, but was distracted and never realized he didn't finish was a description of the Godly. Boy, did I need to hear that at that moment. It isn't about everyone else. It is about my walk, my modeling and I thank you son for giving me the greatest gift-the remembrance that Jesus Loves Me despite who I am and what I am capable of giving. Because God is the one in control not me and His gift is the greatest of all!
