I realize being single, when you want to be in a relationship, is frustrating and can at times, feel hopeless. I remember the days of going out to the bars and clubs because there was no other place to meet others of the opposite sex. Or the same sex, no matter. School was over, so no new prospects there. Work could produce a few new faces, but is was generally hard to find a nice partner and start dating that someone special. This would lead to shopping trips to the mall for the exact right outfit and shoes, hair done, and make up on. Girls would swap clothes, in that never ending search for Mr. Right. At the time, it didn't matter if they were Mr. Right or not, a simple date would have sufficed.
I never bought into any of the hints for attracting a mate. There were no false laughs, no sexy "come and talk to me" looks, just the basic me. Yes, I looked nice, but I didn't play any of the "dating" games. If I wanted someone to be with me, i'd ask them. I was who I was, and I wasn't going to act like someone else. Where does that "someone else" have to go once the relationship heats up and a proposal of marriage comes? Is one going to keep up the sexy voice and make up and tight outfits and high heel shoes, or boots up to the knee? Maybe. It might be feasible during the courtship, and first year of marriage, but what happens when the pregnancy comes? What is the spouse who only knows you in leather and stilettos, going to do when all you wear now are sweat pants and sweat shirts?
What happens when that "let's be together" look becomes, "you better take the garbage out? The high heels stay in the back of the closet, and you ask to have your feet massaged instead? Make up is too much trouble, so sometimes your spouse thinks he's entered the wrong house. The sweet, sexy voice of yesteryear is deep, and complaining. The baby comes, and your whole life changes even more. Instead of romantic meals, there are microwave warm ups. Relations are few and far apart. Can the truth of who your spouse really is cause you to rethink the decision you made to get married and have a child? Well, while you're thinking, here comes number two!
Now, in my opinion, I believe that if we act, we must continue a play that is unrealistic and harmful to relationships as they mature. For one spouse to think they have lost the person they fell in love with can only spell trouble in the relationship. However, if we don't act, and be who we really are right from the get go, there are no hidden surprises down the pike. If you meet jogging, sweatsuits will never be an issue. I don't wear make up, so if you meet me, my face is what you get. I don't like to cook, so take out wouldn't be a revelation. I get cranky and show it when I feel I am not being listened to or respected. This, I'm sure, would have taken place a few hundred times before matrimony. No big surprise afterwards.
I like to talk, so if I had been pretending to be a demure and proper young lady, who only speaks when spoken to, hmm, wrong again. I am a rebel with a cause, and I should have been on the debate team. I am intelligent and stubborn, so if I had acted naive and stupid, as to make my catch think they were smarter and wiser than me, once again, wrong! So then, why just not be ourselves? If we fall in love with who we each really are, don't we have a better chance of staying together and weathering the storms? If we've spent the night together and enticed our mate with sexy silk pajamas, what will they do when they experience our usual flannel and fleece nightwear?
Our feet that were once pedicured and polished, are nice and warm in bunny slippers. Now, if the pajamas and slippers had been introduced at the beginning, an occasional display of satin would be nice, and a treat. But to have one expect these items as the norm, is just plain wrong. Having our nails done just becomes a bother. Our hair that was always so beautifully auburn starts to show signs of the gray the die that was never mentioned, is covering. When it gets out of control, we get it cut. Our night clothes become our day clothes when we have nowhere to go that day. Everything is convoluted, because not once during courtship, did truth come into the picture.
Maybe if we were all a lot more honest, and a lot less worried that we weren't going to find someone, relationships wouldn't fall apart so often. I have told my kids to be themselves, for all the reasons above. Don't expect what's not going to happen. If you love someone for who they are, bunny slippers and curlers and gray hair and all, you most likely have a strong, loving relationship. But if conning and manipulating has taken place, it's hard to withstand that type of pressure. I am always who I am. I am polite and pleasant and kind and caring and thoughtful and honest. I'm that way all the time, that's who I am. I don't have to pretend to be. Now, I must go and put my other flannels on, and get into bed where my hair will get rustled, and I won't have to take off any make up, and I can cozy down with my mate, whom I know loves me for who I am.
Susan Thom is the mother of three children, two sons, 18 and 22, and a daughter 24. Writing calms her, and gives her a place to go by herself! Clears the head and gets it out. She lives in a rural area, with a lake and mountains, and her partner, and has loved writing since she was a child.
She certainly hopes you enjoy her take on life, and her style of communicating that in stories.
She has been on a journey of self discovery for twenty years, and has learned many things about the human mind, and how to maintain some semblance of calm and peace within.
If someone reads one of her stories, and relates to her feelings, and maybe gets a suggestion on how she dealt with them in a positive way, that would be the ultimate gift of her writing.
» left by Mariah from Big Apple (1 year 306 days ago.)
This article was hysterical....My coworkers and I have to review exhautive amounts of case law and stand over thousands of pages being spit out of a hot copy machine for upcoming trials. All we want on Friday night is to have a beer and put on our least sexy Victoria's Secret PJ's and have our husbands or boyfriends rub our feet!
Because we chat all day long, we have all admitted to wearing make-up to bed sometimes, just in case we need to look good in the middle of the night ;) We all got a good chuckle out of this today...we needed it because we had to work this weekend! Happy Bunny Slippers Thanks! Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous (1 year 306 days ago.)
hi mariah,
i am so happy i made you and your friends laugh.
i just find it to be true.
flannels all the way,
best regards,
sue thom Respond to this comment
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