If you're unhappy in your marriage but don't believe in divorce, lets do something about it! I can tell you what four steps that are needed to get you back on track for your marriage, but you have to put in the effort, sound fair enough?
Stop Wallowing In Your Misery
Stop wallowing in your misery about how unhappy you feel, instead do something about your circumstances that will still protect the sanctity of your marriage. If you sit around thinking about how bad your marriage is and how much better your next-door neighbors marriage is, you will unknowingly keep yourself from having the right attitude. What your think will be generated through your actions. Usually those people who believe the grass is greener across the fence end up testing out the turf for themselves. Let me tell you a big secret. It is not true. No grass is really greener, it is a total mirage! You're hungry for love and stopped eating at home, that's all.
Stop looking At Spouses Faults
Why do some of us do this continually seek out the bad in our spouse rather than the good? I think we do it because we are so miserable that we remain in a negative frame of mind. The more we blame our spouse or the more we seek out wanting to fault them for the disarray of the marriage, the worse we will feel inside. This kind of attitude keeps us from seeing the positive aspects of our circumstances and we will not want to work on repairing the broken ends of the marriage. We do it to ourselves, folks. We talk ourselves out of staying married! Let's not let your marriage become another divorce statistic. Take your focus off your spouse and put the spotlight on yourself.
Let Go For The Need To Control
Most people want to control their spouse or change them to meet certain standards so they can feel better about themselves. The truth is you cannot change your spouse to be that perfect person for you. Let go of trying to alter things that you are powerless to change. If you can truly release the burden of knowing you are powerless to change your spouse, a heavy burden will be instantly lifted from your shoulders. It really will! Try it! Let "it" go.
Here is a simple example of the kind of control you need to let go of. So your spouse is an alcoholic and you are trying to control him or her to stop drinking. How do you do that? How CAN you do that? Alcoholism is an addiction and cannot be controlled by anyone other than the alcoholic. You cannot make an alcoholic stop drinking by shouting, nagging, demanding, blaming, accusing, crying, controlling, or any other means. The alcoholic has to WANT to change himself, period. Why consume yourself into the addiction with the alcoholic. Let "it" go!
Think about this. Even if you could control your spouse and they change for you, they will undeniably be a very miserable person for not actually changing for themselves, won't they? Is that what you really want? To be married to an unhappy and bitter person?
Take Care Of You!
The next step after you let "it" go is to take care of you! What can you do to make yourself happy? Is there anything you can change about yourself to make you feel better about the person you are? Read any good inspirational and thought provoking books lately, or are you too busy focusing on your spouse and how terrible they are? Do you see where I'm going with this? Move out and away from what is making you feel discontented and do something about it. You are only responsible for what you do in the marriage. Your spouse is not responsible for your actions in the marriage, just as you are not responsible for their actions. If you could learn to just take care of YOU and your part in the marriage, your spouse will finally get some needed space and breathing room to see that maybe they are erring and hopefully change for themselves. "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."-- Carl Gustav Jung
Angie Lewis is the author of three marriage books offering marriage tips and wisdom filled answers tackling such issues as addiction, adultery, pornography, emotions, beliefs, feelings, marriage, children, forgiveness, communication, submission and spiritual influence in the home.
To preview these books go here: http://www.lulu.com/AngieLewis/
Angie's marriage ministry: http://www.heavenministries.com/
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» left by Teresa Ortiz(4,648) Teresa Ortiz (233 days 3 hours ago.)
Hi Angie, this is another great article packed with sound advice. Us married people need it - at least this married person does. :-) Thanks! Teresa Respond to this comment
» left by Angie Lewis(7,100) Angie Lewis (145 days 6 hours ago.)
Hi Teresa, so sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your comments. In fact, I did not even know I had these comments from you until some one else commented on this article of mine. I do appreciate your encouragement. Take care and God Bless!
Angie Respond to this comment
» left by Kathy Somers Walsh(1,274) Kathy Somers Walsh (232 days 11 hours ago.)
I needed this, actually today I was going to go online and search for a topic like this, but I came to Searchwarp to see what was happening on here, and boom, there you were. Just like an answer to prayers in a way. I just don't know what to do here with my marriage actually...its affecting the kids for sure. Respond to this comment
» left by Angie Lewis(7,100) Angie Lewis (145 days 6 hours ago.)
Hi kathy, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your comments. Please email me if you would like some encouragement for your marriage.
» left by Angel from Indiana (145 days 7 hours ago.)
And what if your husband REFUSES to change the fetish that is ruining your marriage and wants you to accept the fact that he will continue to participate and look for other women to participate in his fetish with him...even AFTER counseling? (He is into spanking and pain is NOT my thing) Respond to this comment
» left by Angie Lewis(7,100) Angie Lewis (145 days 6 hours ago.)
Dear Angel,
Yes, you are in a predicament. God wants us to be happy in our relationships and there is no justification for abuse of any kind, and I would assert yourself and tell your husband exactly how you feel about this and if he refuses to love His wife in the ways of the Lord, then you have every right as person of God to not submit to such harassment and abuse. You may have to make some changes for yourself (set boundaries) or temporary separate until he gets the inner healing he needs.
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