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There's a new show on Lifetime called "How To Look Good Naked". In this show, hosted by the 'Fab Five' Carson Kressley, women are asked to strip down and stand in front of the mirror to have a look at themselves. Carson then begins the week long process of getting these women to be truly comfortable in their skin. I am not a fan of reality shows, but I must say, this one did catch my attention. For one, anything that helps women get over their desire to be something other than who they are is a fabulous thing. For another thing, I love that it's a show that really does encourage women to ignore the anorexic-looking fashion models and come to happy terms with the beautiful bodies they were given. All good stuff!
As a long-time personal trainer (some years back), I've seen my share of women trying to be a size 5 when their bones were a size 10. One of the greatest challenges I used to have with these women was the fact that I am, by blessed genetics, a small woman who's never had to diet a day in my life. I can eat what I want (which, by the way, is quite healthy) and never gain an ounce. So, when meeting women clients for the first time, they'd take one look at me and say "How could you possibly know how it feels to be fat?" Or something of that nature. In short, it was a battle from onset, getting them to understand that I was on their side and that I COULD help them. What most of them didn't realize at first was that my mission, if we were to name it, was to get them NOT into a size 5, but rather to get them healthy, strong and happy with what God gave them. In other words, I wasn't there to 'resize' them, I was there to encourage them to look at their bodies through new lenses and create a more healthy foundation on which to enjoy that body.
My success as a personal trainer was due, in large part, to my attitude toward these women. I made a point, with each woman I worked with, to constantly (and sincerely) compliment them every time we met for a session. I also made it a point NOT to criticize their 'lapses' but instead, encourage them to accept what they'd done and move on. I knew, instinctly, that the best thing I could do for them, especially in the beginning, was to get them to stop being so critical of themselves and learn some compassion.
I remember one woman in particular who was, for me, my greatest success story. She was from Greece, working for a very large company that held seminars for people to enhance their lives on various levels. This was long before the Personal Development 'craze' began. She was 26 years old, and engaged to be married 6 months from our meeting. She was hellbent on getting into a wedding dress that was a size 6. I was determined to show her that not only would she look like a skeleton at this size, but that it was NOT in her best interests to set such an unhealthy goal. For one thing, she was about 5'10". And she was a 'big-boned' gal. Her perfect weight (were we to go by charts) should've been around 140-150 lbs. She wanted to get down to 110. Ridiculous!
So, with a very long initial meeting completed and my plan for her in place, we set out to work on her 'transformation'. I don't believe in 'diets' per se, as I have always known that they're temporary fixes for long-term problems. I believe that losing excess weight and keeping it off is about adopting more consistent eating habits, understanding why we over-eat (it's a psychological thing, in most cases), and exercising on a regular basis. This isn't rocket science. We all know this stuff now, but back then, it was all about stupid diets like the 'grapefruit diet' or the 'vinegar diet' or the 'lose 10 lbs in 3 days' diet. Stupid, unhealthy and NOT long-term.
When we first began working together, she was eating one meal a day, late in her day, and wondering why she couldn't lose any weight. Over and over I explained about metabolism and the body's natural instinct to slow down the metabolism when it thinks it's being 'starved'. Over and over I encouraged her to eat 5 or 6 little meals each day, and to avoid depriving herself those things she most loved to eat, like feta cheese and Greek olives. She was a Mediterraean woman, for heaven's sake! She grew up eating those things and they were 'home' to her! By not eating them, she was messing with her body's natural needs in a huge way. It took me a couple of months to convinvce her that by following my suggestions, she was going to have the body she wanted and it was NOT going to be a size 6.
Finally, after about 4 months, I showed her a picture I'd taken the day we met. This woman was so hard on herself and loathed her body so much, that she couldn't see the progress she'd made. That is, until I showed her the picture. She was blown away! She couldn't believe that she'd changed so much. She couldn't believe that by eating more often she was actually losing weight and gaining muscle tone. And, best of all, we still had 2 months to go before the wedding. With a new determination and a brand new perspective, we began training 4 days a week (we'd been doing 3) and she started going to the gym without me on the days we weren't scheduled. She finally believed what I'd been telling her all along: that she had the body she had and it was up to her to accept it lovingly and honor the gifts she'd been given. Everything from there on out was pure joy. She really got it. And when she walked down that aisle in her size 10, perfect-for-her wedding gown, she was absolutely stunning! It wasn't only about her having lost the weight and toning her body, it was about her CONFIDENCE. She loved how she looked. She was proud of what she'd accomplished. And, best of all, she was HEALTHY. No longer did she deprive herself the foods she loved. No longer did she wish to be a size 5. Now, here she was, in all her gorgeous glory, happy with the body she'd been bestowed. She was COMFORTABLE IN HER SKIN.
It has been my experience that the women who shine the most are those who are truly happy in their skin. It does NOT matter what size they are (look at Queen Latifah! If she's not beautiful, I don't know who is. Queen is the epitome of 'happy in your own skin' and I love that she's a spokeswoman for beauty products.) The thing that makes women beautiful is directly proportional to how they feel about themselves. I've interviewed hundreds of men on this topic and every single one of them has said that it's about her confidence. This is the most appealing thing to so many men. They don't care about what size you are. They're drawn to you because of the energy you vibrate...and confidence is one powerful vibe!
So, the next time you find yourself standing in front of the mirror, hating what you see, stop for a moment and ask yourself these questions: "what would make me feel better about myself? what could I do RIGHT NOW to change how I see myself?" Because the moment you get honest with YOU, is the moment you'll begin to transform not only your body, but your feelings about yourself. This is the 'secret' to whatever physical challenges you are having. FIRST you must find the love. THEN you can make whatever changes you wish to make in a positive, efficient and long-lasting manner. Because when it's all said and done, the only person living in your skin is YOU. Why not enjoy it?
Camille Olivia Strate is an author, coach and critter keeper in search of the perfect pasture. Among her many passions is assisting people in returning to their 'true selves' by way of empowerment coaching. She believes strongly in 'paying it forward' and lives by 'do what you love and the money will follow'. Her latest book, "Whispers" is now available in eBook format. Hardcopy to follow soon! Visit her personal site at http://www.joyzachoice.com |
