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During the day, there are so many things that we do that keep us busy. We're running around trying to make sure everything is taken care of on our to do list. Our minds are constantly going over what we need to accomplish in our day. We get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed, have breakfast, and we're off to our day. Some of us work inside the home, some out. Either way, we have things that need to be done.
We are on auto pilot until we get home and quickly get dinner ready, help with homework, and have a chance to put our feet up. This holds true for those who work at home. There has to be some time during the day for a break. The fly in the ointment comes when something upsetting happens, and throws us out of balance. Our routine is now riddled with thoughts of our mom being sick, our child failing school, or our bald tires needing to be replaced. Sleep is no comfort during these times. Instead, it has become a turnstile of tossing back and forth.
There are only so many times you can fluff your pillow. So, you get up, and go on your computer. You try to write, but the words won't come. You try to watch TV, but you are not focused. Everyone else is asleep. You feel like hitting the pots and pans together, but you don't. Suddenly, you realize that you are melting, and slipping into depression. Your forehead feels clammy, your stomach feels sick, your mind feels fuzzy, your body is warm. You think about your childhood, and how you once felt safe, simply knowing your parents were in the other room. If you could just feel like that again. Shadows always look darker at night. Problems always seem harder to handle. Fear always has more of a grip on our hearts and minds during the dark hours of the night.
The tick tock of the hallway clock reminds you that you are still in your home, it is only your mind that is running from one thought to another. I suppose a couple of drinks would soothe some of the savage beasts, but I gave that up fifteen years ago, it's no longer an option. The hours are ticking by, and morning is just around the corner. Depression still lingers, and it feels as if you are falling into yourself. As you try to write something coherent, you know the sun will soon be shining. You also know you have to pull yourself out of this depressive mood before it intertwines with your positive feelings. Depression is a hollow feeling, it takes away your senses and your emotional focus, and fills yourself with fear, like rain in a bucket.
You have learned a few hints on how to alleviate these feelings over the years. You send something cute to your kids, and friends on e mail, maybe you calm down enough to write a story, you go up and take a nice hot bath while the world is still in their slumber. There you try and get rid of the negative, and think of the positive. You pray. You allow the water to wash away the negativity, the fear. You towel off with a new vitality.
You clean the kitchen and throw in a load of laundry so you feel as if you're doing something. By now, the light is coming through and the dogs are ready to start their day, and go out. As you let them in, you decide it's time to get some rest. It's not as scary sleeping during the day. You fall off, and awaken with a new spin on things. You are fine, and you will be fine, and life is for the living. Your attitude has it's spring back to it's step. There are still problems lurking behind the darkness, but they will be okay once they come to light. It's like opening the curtains of the sliding door. They are heavy, and shield the light, but when opened, the brightness is beautiful. Within that beauty, comes positivity.
Things start looking and sounding better. The purpose you always believed was yours, is now kicking in once again. You start to feel your strength take over. You go shopping and to the bank and the pharmacy and take the dogs to the vet and stop at the cleaners and the food store, and you are enjoying the day as you go. The problems you are worrying about seem less of a burden. They actually start feeling like they can be worked through. You are seeing the flowers in the middle of the cactus, and listening to the birds singing their tunes. You smile at everyone you pass. You feel good, tired, but good.
The usual routine of dinner and cleanup and bath and kids and then, miraculously, all are tucked cozily into their beds. It is dark, and sleep will not come. It's getting scary. If you just stay up, you'll be alright. Will you? The depression creeps in while you're typing. The forehead gets clammy, the stomach hurts, the head gets fuzzy, and you know your midnight guest has arrived. You try and surround yourself with good energy, and you do what you do best, you write. It doesn't have to be an article, it can be an e mail, or searching for pictures to include in e mail notes.
As long as it keeps you busy. Depression doesn't like busy, it's too positive. Will you let it penetrate your thoughts? Did you not learn from every other night that depression can only sneak up on you if you let it? If you try and keep your frame of mind in a positive place, with good thoughts, you'll go a long way in keeping the depression at bay. You're in the middle of a story, and you realize, you are in a good mood, no clammy forehead, no shaking, no fear. Positivity can do so much for our physical and mental selves. The same, of course, can be said for negativity. Positivity brings with it strength and focus and happiness and excitement and joy to one's life. Negativity robs every bit of that. Depression robs every bit of that. So, how do we keep the evils at bay, and let the sun shine in?
We surround ourselves with things we like to look at, at our computer desk at home, at work, in the kitchen, family room, and most important, in the bedroom. If we are eventually going to sleep, our room should be filled with our favorite things, and we are cozy and comfortable, we will get the pampering we need to keep our strength up. A candle going at your computer desk, is so simple, but can make you feel so good. Incense with the smells you like, essential oils, crystals and healing stones, and pretty pictures can help to keep the depression in the dark where it belongs. And if you can hold on to that last little comment the brain makes, "Depression is here," and fight it with your sense of positivity, and your calmness in the night, you may just have made it through the night, and written a story at that.
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