We all have someone close to us who seems to always need help with something, or who just refuses to be happy. They call on us often with the same sob stories, and we are always there readily listening and offering the same advice over and over. We have become enablers to the lazy and to those who refuse to be happy.
Have you wondered why lately you are not your usual strong self? You have very little energy. You can't seem to get out of bed at your usual early time. You can't think straight. Your personal life is stifled. Haven't you noticed that every time that "one" person calls or visits, your body and emotions changes? You become cranky and you don't know why. You are depressed and you don't know why. You have unexplainable joint pains. These people are sucking away all of your positive energy. You are so busy helping them and giving them advice, you have unknowingly neglected the one who is really important in the equation.......YOU!
These people know that every time they come running to you with their same problems, you're going to be there to listen. It is time you told them some truthful advice, as opposed to what you think they want to hear. I don't know about you, but I only have those around me who will be honest and steer me clear with the truth. You need to do the same.
If you have a friend who's seeking your advice about issues regarding her continuous cheating boyfriend, tell her to leave him; if she refuses, you tell her to stop asking for your advice. You may have a child who has an addiction. He/she keeps running to you for money to buy drugs and you give it to him/her. You know you must let them hit rock bottom, but it is weighing heavily on you. You're sacred something bad will happen. Worst case scenario, he'll steal from the wrong person on the streets and end up dead, so you continue to supply him with the money for his/her addictions. You know in this situation, you must recommend your child seeks help or you remove yourself from the situation altogether, until he/she is truly ready to make their own lives better. Yeah, it's harsh, but it's the only way it's going to work! Perhaps you have a friend that appears to have it all together. She has a great job, a great husband, great clothes and great home, but she's still unhappy for some reason. She asks for your advice, and you point out the things that she should be thankful for. She refuses to see what is there in front of her face. What do you do? Stop giving advice that's going in vain. It doesn't matter what you do, some people just don't want to be happy. Yeah, it sounds crazy...doesn't it? Why wouldn't we all want happiness in our lives? There is no one right answer to that question. We seek happiness for our own reasons, and some of us still don't find it. Why? Because most don't really know what they are looking for.
You need to take care of yourself. Stop allowing others to just call you at all hours of the night, laying all their problems on you. They are taking up room in your mind, that should be used to further your own happiness. After all of the positive space in your mind is used up by the lazy and unhappy, who are YOU going to call when YOU have a problem and need to talk? The lazy and unhappy will have their lives together and you'll be sick, weak, confused and stressed; and you won't even know why. They have drained you of all your positive energy.
Refuse to be an enabler to the lazy and unhappy any longer. If they get upset with you because you refuse to allow them to waste your time with their same problems, so what! Let them go off and vent to someone else. They have taken up enough of your positive energy. You need to find a way to replenish all they've drained from you; therefore, all your time must be spent finding ways to keep yourself happy.
Monica Burns-Capers
Copyright ©2008 Monica Burns-Capers
Monica Burns-Capers is an Expert Author, Freelance Writer, Consultant, Adjunct College Instructor and President/CEO of Monica Mi'Chelle Communications: A Professional Writing and Self-Development Firm. For More Information, Visit Her Website At: www.monicamburns.com. |
