What is bullying?
According the U.S. Department of Education, bullying can be physical, verbal, emotional or sexual in nature. Now it's on the Internet, too. "I think the worst thing ever to hit the Internet is a blog called MySpace. It has no filtering system, so when kids post mean stuff they can use it as a means to bully. Cyberbullying is the same thing as bullying when we were kids; the only difference is that the tools kids have access to now are more sophisticated," says author Jodee Blanco.
http://jodeeblanco.com/
Before, the note was passed around the back of the classroom. Now, an insult can be posted on a blog or sent as an e-mail to the entire student body. "It's made it easy to bully on a larger level," she says.
Physical bullying includes everything from punching and poking to hair pulling or even tickling. Verbal bullying can include name-calling, teasing, rumors and taunting. Emotional bullying can include humiliating, defaming, ranking of personal characteristics, manipulating, isolating and peer pressure. Sexual bullying can include all other elements of bullying and exhibitionism, propositioning, harassment and abuse and even sexual assault.
Government Survey on Bullying
According the U.S. Department of Education, 88 percent of a group of Midwestern junior high and high school students reported having observed bullying. Three-fourths of the teens indicated they had been a victim of bullying while at school. A survey of fourth-through-sixth graders in the South indicated that a fourth were bullied with "some regularity" and 10 percent were bullied weekly. Among those surveyed, about 20 percent admitted to bullying another child with some regularity.
Respect & Protect, a violence prevention and intervention program developed by the Johnson Institute of Minneapolis identified actions that enable violence - actions such as denying, rationalizing, justifying, avoiding or blaming.
When a child is bullied, grades may suffer because attention is drawn away from learning and towards survival. Self-esteem suffers as victims are made to feel isolated from others, and that there is something wrong with them. They may become depressed. Victims of bullying are likely to veer away from taking risks in many areas where they need to grow - socially or vocationally, for example, as young people and later as adults, and are more likely to be anxious or insecure and depressed. If the problem continues, victims may even feel compelled to fight back or take drastic measures.
How do I know?
There are several "tests" that you can do to determine if your child may be a bully.
- Casually ask your child if there's anyone at school who gets picked on or teased for being "weird," or "different," someone who seems lonely, or who your child would describe as the outcast. Wait a week or 10 days, then ask your child if they'd like to invite their friends over for pizza and suggest they ask the outcast to join them. If your child is open to the idea, chances are your child is not a bully. If your child aggressively resists inviting their lonely classmate, you may have a bully, or at the very least, a "follower" or "bystander."
- Pay attention to your child's telephone conversations. Keep an open and curious ear. Does your child laugh with friends at someone else's expense? Do they gossip about others?
- Be a vigilant parent and keep track of your child's Internet communications. Does your child post nasty opinions on blogs, or use Instant Messaging to put others down or exclude them behind their backs?
- Does your child exhibit compassion when talking about anyone at school who's "different," or do they express disdain for the unpopular?
How Do I Know If My Child is Being Bullied?
Do they exhibit any of the following symptoms?
- Sudden increase or decrease in grades
- Major change in weight
- Extreme make-over attempts
- Inexplicable fits of rage
- Frequently sick; makes excuses to avoid going to school
- Doesn't want to ride the school bus
- Doesn't talk on the phone or communicate with friends via the Internet
Responses That Won't Help:
- "Ignore the bullies and they'll go away."
- "They're just jealous."
- "Years from now, you'll be so successful, and these kids who are picking on you will be in jail, scrubbing floors or worse."
- "I know how you feel."
- "Be patient"
Strategies for Bystanders:
No one should have to endure being teased, bullied, or abused. Cruelty violates a person's sense of self and others. If you or someone you know - perhaps your son, daughter, student, or a friend - is being bullied at school, you can help.
- Listen to them. Let them know they are not alone in their struggle.
- Be compassionate, supportive, and strong.
- You must also Get immediate help from an adult. Report bullying to school personnel.
- Offer support to victim of bullying. Offer words of kindness or condolence.
- Don't feed the fire by joining in mean laughter, teasing or gossip
- Ask the bully to "chill"
An Englewood, Colorado antibullying program put into place the "caring majority" concept, training the 80 percent of students who were neither bullies nor victims to set an antibullying climate by sticking up for others. As a result, the perception of safety increased among all students. - Source: U.S. Department of Education, Jodee Blanco
Why Kids Bully
Gender, religion, age, size, clothing, development, income level - all ripe for excuses for students to single out fellow students - but a lack of empathy is the real problem with bullies, says author and speaker Jodee Blanco.
"The real scourge is empathy-deficit disorder - that's our real problem and we'd better deal with it," she says.
"Bullying isn't about aggression, it's about fitting in. It's a bonding ritual. They want to feel they belong to the clique, so they start to make fun of someone. It shows your allegiance to the clique and shows you've got the courage to be mean. Cruelty is currency to the young - they use it to gain entry to clubs. Only by exposing kids to the joy of being kind can we start to curb bullying trends in school."
A new study reported on MSNBC reveals that there may be a link between ADHD (Attention-Deficit with Hyperactivity Disorder) and bullying. See the story here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22813400/
What to tell those in the bully cycle, courtesy of author Jodee Blanco:
- Message for the bully: "It's not just joking around. You are damaging each other for life."
- Message for the victim: "You do not get shunned and singled out because of what's wrong with you. You get shunned because of everything that's right with you. You are excluded because you are misunderstood because you rise so far above them."
- Message for parents and teachers: "Cut the clichs; the worst thing you can tell a kid who's being bullied is, Ignore it and it will go away.' All you're doing is escalating the fate. They need to look the bully in the eye and tell them to stop."
For more articles on bullying by J. Louise Larson, check these links:
http://raisingthinkers.blogspot.com/2008/02/mean-girls-and-bully-boys-if-your-child.html
http://raisingthinkers.blogspot.com/2008/02/mean-girls-bully-boys-why-cant-we-all.html
Resources
Here are some resources for additional research and help with bullying:
Kidspeace National Center for Kids Overcoming Crises, general Web site:
http://www.kidspeace.org/ ; teen Web site:
http://www.teencentral.net/ ; crisis hotline: 800/334-4543 National Suicide Prevention Hotline, 800/SUICIDE
http://www.bullying.co.uk/ features extensive information on the subject, including advice for parents, students, and teachers: legal advice; helpful links and tips; and ideas for school projects to stop bullying.
http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/
- J. Louise Larson
http://raisingthinkers.blogspot.com/
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